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Normal People Food Kills Me

posted 30th July 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

In three days I will no longer have health insurance.

…WHAT?!!!…

It’s true; in three days I will be joining the other uninsured 47 million United States citizens.  The available COBRA option given to people in my situation is still too expensive for this funemployment gal and I have no choice but to be uninsured.   And I know I’m freaking out more so than most people in this situation.

Yes, I am young and for the most part healthy, but I am sadly unique when compared to the health needs for the average person.

I have severe food allergies.  And by severe I mean I’ve been to the ER twice due to anaphylactic shock.  I am unique all right.

In fact, I’m actually part of a very small percentage of adults who have severe food allergies past the age of 25.  I’m part of a percentage of only 250,000 in this country who have a severe food allergy to one or all of the seven major food allergies: milk, eggs, soy, peanuts, shellfish, tree nuts/nuts and wheat.  Yay for me, I have four out of the seven.

I didn’t grow up with these food allergies though.  It started at 16 with a reaction to clams while attending a formal, and then when I was 20 to a granola peanut butter bar during one of my English Lit. classes.  Both times I was saved at the ER.  Both times I had health insurance.  Then most recently after some extensive testing, soy and tree nuts came up as positives.

With these results and finding out exactly what was in processed food, I had to basically teach myself how to eat again.

My last visit to the ER was in February of this year.  My eye started to swell while I was at a Jazz club with some of my friends and I knew exactly then what I had to do.  My ER visits record had been swept clean since I moved to Portland, almost three years without a visit.  Luckily this visit wasn’t as life threatening as the past two but nonetheless, just as stressful and scary at times.

I don’t know what to do now.  I can panic I suppose.  Well, I know I will here and there but I don’t want this worry to consume my every day life.  I have my Benadryl, I have my epi-pen and I have some sanity about me whenever I get a reaction.  However, rationality and logic are not always present.  I’m scared shitless when I really think about it. I live alone, I AM alone.  And I don’t think my cat Sophie will be able to dial 911 from my cell phone.

I guess the point of this post was to expunge some of my worries and stress that involve such a huge part of my life.  My current journey to live a happy life has bumps and this large bump will never go away.  It’s the permanent speed bump that slows me down here.

I do have hope though. On the news a few weeks ago I witnessed President Obama hug a woman who had cancer of the kidneys and who was also unemployed and uninsured.  This gesture and his speech had such an impact, I actually have hope that somehow or someway I will be able to afford healthcare soon.

But for now it’s like any other day, pursuing and living a happy life, one free of ER visits and one that will always miss peanut butter like crazy.


photo credit: Bob.Fornal

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Boys to Men

posted 29th July 2009    Written by: Andrea    CATEGORY: All Posts, Andrea, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

Boys to Men. No, I’m not referring to the 90’s R&B group. I’m talking about the evolution of the twenty-something boy to the twenty-something man.

Recently, I have encountered both and it really made me stop and think about the difference between the two. I questioned the “boys” to “men” transition. Over the past month my roommate Lizzy and I have had some amazing adventures, two of which were road trips. One weekend was a trip to see Kenny Chesney in concert in Pittsburgh PA, the other a four-day music festival in Tennessee called Bonnaroo.

During those two weekends my male travel companions could not have been more different. One was a pair of boys and the other, two young men. All four of them were in their mid twenties.

It made me wonder “What makes one set boys and the other men?” From countless hours crammed inside of a car with the opposite sex I have learned:

Boys

· Drink until they can’t walk

· Degrade females using terms like “broad”

· Have mothers who still buy their pants

· Do not know how to say “I’m sorry”

· Can not think beyond today

Men

· Drink until they fall asleep

· Compliment females

· Are self sufficient enough to make their own meals

· Admit when they make a mistake (even if it is a rare occasion)

· Think about purpose and life

For example, during the first road trip to Kenny Chesney, we decided to ease some tension in the car and played a version of 20 Questions. (My roommate and I were running late, as usual, and the boys were not happy. The fact that I was driving only fueled the fire. Males always get funny when they are in the backseat, its like they get an inferiority complex when they aren’t in control.) We modified the game a bit and decided that since there were 4 of us, we would each think of 5 questions to ask the other passengers, giving us a total of twenty. The catch, you had the choice of whether or not you wanted to answer your own question. So it made for some interesting material to say the least.

When it was my turn I asked, “What is your proudest moment?” and the boys were absolutely dumbfounded. That really bothered me. After a while, one of the boys said his proudest moment was sports related and the other couldn’t say anything. He said he was proud of his family. Which is totally fine and there is nothing wrong with that. But, don’t you think people should be proud of something for themselves too? I mean, if someone were to write a book about your life up until right now what would your proudest moment be?

For me, I don’t think that is a really deep and intricate question, but apparently, to these boys it was. It makes me sad that they have lived on this earth twenty-some-odd years and can’t say they are proud of something they have done in that time. The weekend only got worse when me and Lizzy had to take care of the drunken idiots. It was not the weekend I had signed up for. It was a weekend for boys.

The following weekend Lizzy and I spent 12 hours driving to Tennessee with two men, not boys. The four of us learned so much about each other; it was one of the best road trips of my life!! It could not have been more opposite than the previous weekend road trip from hell. A few hours into the drive, the Englishman (our new friend Leigh) told us he was working on a list of 30 Before 30. (Although, because he is 28 he later changed his to 30 Before 40. Same idea though, you get the picture) I am obsessed with lists (when I say obsessed I mean I write lists on post-its, envelopes, napkins, my hand, receipts, wrappers etc.)

I could not wait to make my own list of 30 Before 30! I thought it was such a cool idea and so appropriate, considering my 25th birthday is coming up really soon. On the drive to Bonnaroo we took turns thinking of ideas and sharing what we would put on our lists. On the ride back to DC, we took out a notebook and each started our lists. It gave me a good feeling about the new friends I made. These are the types of people I thrive off.

We gave each other a week deadline to finish and made a pact to share them via email. Take a look at my 30 Before 30 list and let me know what else I could add!

Both weekends I had a moment where I literally had to stop what I was doing and ask, “Is this my life?” Both situations taught me something about boys vs. men. I learned the types of males that should be in my life right now. I see now which are healthy for me, which will continue with me throughout this chapter and which ones I should cleanse. I guess you could say for me its not longer about boys, its time to phase them out and start new relationships and friendships with men. What about you?

Andrea (new) bio.

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My Impatience with Patience

posted 28th July 2009    Written by: Kendra    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kendra, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

With my internship ending and my time in Montreal rapidly coming to a close, I am asked on a near daily basis about my next step. My response is usually “My parents’ basement”.

They tend to think that I’m joking.

If only.

Yes, at the ripe old age of 29 and a half I am probably moving into my parent’s home, for at least a month, in the ultimate act of the boomerang child.

There are a couple of reasons for this.  Well, really, only one reason. Money. Being effectively unemployed for almost a year, a consequence of doing unpaid internships for my grad program, have left my cash supplies thin. This coupled with the fact that I have neither job nor prospects and the fact that I do want to move back to New York (where my parents live) makes moving home a logical act.

I am not overjoyed with this fact, and I’m sure my parents aren’t thrilled either, but reality is what it is.

What bugs me, more than the social stigma associated with moving home, is the general sense of uncertainty that dominates my life. I would be totally cool with moving home for the month of August, for example, if I knew that I would be moving out in September.  But I don’t know that. I don’t know that the graduate degree I’ve been working so diligently towards for the past two years will do anything to help me secure a job that pays enough to allow me to repay my ever burgeoning student loan debt, never mind one that I find intellectually and emotionally engaging.

And, after a long standing indifference to serious relationships (I used to view them as freedom inhibiting chains) I feel emotionally ready to be with “the one.” Could someone please tell him to show up, already?

The German poet Rainier Maria Rilke wrote to be patient with everything that remains unresolved in your heart, to love the uncertainty itself like books written in a foreign language, and that eventually we may, if we’re lucky live our way into an answer. It’s a beautiful sentiment, but as a member of the “do something” generation, patience isn’t a life skill I’ve developed -  I mean,  I’m the kind of person who reads three books simultaneously, while carrying on four separate chat conversations, and writing an essay for school- but clearly it’s something that the universe is trying to teach me.

I shoot off a fellowship application and I’m informed that I’ll hear back in two months. I e-mail a networking contact and I get an out-of-office reply informing me she’s out of the office for the next 3 weeks. The more I push, for certainty, the more my life falls apart. I’m like a bull in the world’s teeniest china shop leaving a trail of smashed porcelain with my every movement.

I find myself bickering with friends over the stupidest things, I demand answers before their time, I pray to God for favors with a timestamp, and my stress is beginning to manifest physically.  I’ve developed what I jokingly call my sexy eye twitch, reoccurring bouts of insomnia, and a shoulder tension so severe that they’ve begun creating a shooting numbness down my left arm (nope it’s not a stroke, but I may be pinching a nerve). I’m starting to worry that my impatience is going to kill me.

However, I’ve begun to realize that while I can’t change my circumstance, I can change how I react to things.

I’ve bitten the bullet and started meditating. I’ve begun filling the pages of my journal which had been gathering dust, and I’ve started working out regularly. I’m also making a concerted effort to do less, to worry less and to just accept how lucky I am: I still have money in my bank account, my health, and fantastic friends. In fact I’m writing this from a friend’s couch in Vermont having spent the weekend watching two very close friends who are very much in love get married.

The stress twitch isn’t gone and I’ve accepted that I’m paying for a massage to deal with the shoulder pain, but last night, for the first time in weeks I slept through the night. And that is progress.


photo credit: acdme

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Quest for Something More

posted 24th July 2009    Written by: Robyn    CATEGORY: All Posts, Quarterlife Crisis, Robyn, Season 1

By now you probably realize that I do not like my job. Lately I have been using time at my “9 to 5” to work on more enjoyable freelance projects and explore other ideas I have about starting my own business. My goal is to transition to working for myself while still working my full time job so that when I quit I never have to deal with a time when I have no income.

While I know these are the first steps to moving towards something better, and while I have confidence in this plan, I still seek the approval of my family and friends when it comes to these kinds of decisions.

My biggest pet peeve as of late is when people respond to my plan with doubt, saying: “You should just be grateful to have a job in this economy.”

This a slap in the face not only because it’s not exactly supportive, but also because people who I want to be happy are encouraging me to be unhappy and settle for a job that leaves me unfulfilled and just plain grumpy.

I think this kind of response tends to take over a person’s life, leaving them less than happy and settling for all kinds of things that are not worthwhile.

Ask yourself these questions:

If you were starving and ordered a juicy hamburger with mushrooms and blue cheese and got a bowl of cold oatmeal instead, would you just be happy just to have food in front of you?

If you have been unhappily single for a long time and start dating someone who lives up to zero of your expectations and desires, would you stay with him or her just to have company?

If you ordered the perfect pair of jeans online and then realized you needed a size smaller, would you keep them and gain weight to make them fit you?

I’m hoping all answers were “no.” Why settle for something, someone, or some job that does not make you 100% happy?

I don’t believe it’s idealistic to think there is a job out there that could be fun and have meaning and, on top of that, (Shock! Disbelief!) allow you freedom to do other things you love.  So I’m off to find it!


photo credit: monicamüller

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101 Things To Do Before I Go

posted 24th July 2009    Written by: Molly Hoyne    CATEGORY: All Posts, Events, Inspiration, Molly

ParadeI’ve had a Life List since high school.  It gets added to, deleted from & tweaked every year- but it wasn’t until I read the book Creating Your Best Life: The Ultimate Life List Guide that I understood why I worshiped my list so much.

“Edwin Locke, the codeveloper of goal-setting theory, studied the traits of what he called “prime movers”… people who had “moved the world” with their passion, vision, energy and perseverance.  Over many years, Locke refined his list of “prime mover” traits down to the essential seven, two of which are vision and action.  Becuase of their abundant vision and action, the men and women Locke profiled were all renowned goal setters…”

Yes!  Vision.  Action.  I’m a woman with a purpose!  Even if that purpose includes having a color coordinated closet with a mini chandelier in it!

There a million other fascinating connections between success, happiness & life lists (goal setting) discussed in the book.  If you’ve been reading for any length of time, you know I’m slightly obsessed with the science behind happiness and this book is one of my new favorites. Let me just share a one last excerpt from authors Caroline Adams Miller and Dr. Michael B. Frisch:

“We see happiness in a new and exciting way: as a character strength that, if persistently cultivated, will give you greater zest, persistence, and energy for accomplishing your goals.  Our program doesn’t take a get-happier-at-all-costs and check-goals-off-your-life-list-now approach that glosses over what research tells us about optimal well-being, however.  We believe that positive and negative affect are both necessary in one’s life, and that both are important barometers that play a role in optimal well-being.  Following our life list approach will result in a richer and deeper level of happiness- an elan vital that will give you not only enthusiasm for life, but also a deep sense of excitement that will allow you to have more success with your goals than you ever thought possible.”

When I set out to write this post, inspired by Andrea’s post from Wednesday, I wanted to share some items from my List as well as some inspirational lists from other women.  As luck would have it — I found a post called What’s on Your List? from one of my tribe members, Carrie at Girl and Coconut, linking to some fabulous life lists out there! Thanks Carrie for reading my mind in advance.

So that leaves us with my List…

After re-reading it about a month ago, I was slightly chagrined with some of my choices.  Did I really want to own a designer gown?  Did I really need to win a volunteer award? (Isn’t volunteering a reward in and of itself?) Did I honestly want to meet James Franco? What exactly was I trying to prove?  And to whom?

I’ve spent the last month or so really thinking hard about how one would go about creating a meaningful list– one that would inspire you to live an extraordinary life– instead of one that just listed adrenaline rushes, cools things to own, and awards that prove something to someone else. With the help of “the book” and a lot of trial and error-  I’m getting closer!  My List is starting to reflect a life that I’m ridiculously excited about, one that I’m proud of.

I’m not going to share my entire List here (though I will after I capture the list in gorgeous vision board or memory book at the event on August 29th) but here are some highlights!

15 of my 101 Things To Do Before I Go

Win a gold medal (Junior Olympics Pole Vaulting 1996 or some such)

Have a piece of writing published

Travel around the world (made a full loop from Central America to Europe to South Africa to Southeast Asia and then home)

Complete a masters in positive psychology

Ride naked in the Fremont Parade (Seattle tradition- I was a ravishing, fully painted Jungle Princess in 2008)

Attend Burning Man

Start investing (Timing was wrong, but that’s life…)

Plant and nurture a herb garden

Go dog sledding in Alaska

Sit on a board for the Arts

Host a Oktoberfest Party complete with picnic tables, steins & sauerkraut

Speak conversational Spanish

Spent 3 months alone in Nature

Meet James Franco (He was allowed to stay on the List after much deep thought)

Learn to play pop songs on the piano

Event Alert!

If you are in Seattle and you don’t have a Life List that you love or it isn’t in an inspiring format- I’m throwing an event to help you make it happen!  It will be a relaxed partyish atmosphere as we brainstorm, sip mimosas, cut, glue, color, laugh & share some life goals.

I’m trying to make it as easy as possible for you to leave with an Life List that thrills you to the bone. One that you can’t wait to hang up & tackle.  One that gives you joy, a sense of accomplishment & motivation to create brilliance in your life.

Rock and roll.  Oh, and boys are invited too!

More info & Registration:  101 Things To Do Before You Go: Creating a Powerful, Meaningful, Inspiring Life List

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