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“Here’s Your Future” by The Thermals

posted 23rd July 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

I’m not quite sure how other people get motivated, but music does it for me.  My favs to wake up to and greet the world are a combination of The Thermals (local Portland favorites and overall some of the nicest people you will ever meet) and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.  They can kick your butt into gear with melodies, lyrics and general AWESOMENESS.

After visiting SXSW, I chose to have music as a priority in my life. This meant more shows and more time listening and appreciating all music, which let’s face it, I have all the time in the world now to accomplish.  But the definitive influence, the instrument that attracts me the most after listening to my favorites and newbies, is the drums.

I had a drum lesson today; probably one of my hardest to date, but it was amazing and enlightening to say the least.  I’ve been learning to reduce the regular eighth notes to quarter notes and it’s ridiculously hard.  It’s difficult to simplify a beat for me and remember and ingrain it in my brain with the measures and exact timing.

And I’ve been having another realization.  I don’t know if it’s the rhythm, the timing, the beats or even the sound of the hickory stick against my snare, but I’ve taken to and fallen in love with the drums and I can’t fathom stopping.

So my next step is to find/buy a drum kit.

Hmmm, wait, first I must find a space to practice since I don’t think my NW Portland neighbors would appreciate my raucous noise, and THEN I’ll find/buy a drum kit.  This is of course providing that I can afford the time and energy spent on this search while trying to find a job.  I’ve found jobs, many in fact, I just can’t seem to get one.  It’s the one with the hiring manager who looks at my resume, chuckles while reading my witty cover letter and decides to let me into his or her work family.

I go through waves of hope and doubt.  I get encouraged by seeing and reading so many postings.  I become excited over the details and fantasize about working for this or that company and daydream to my heart’s content.  But then I get the “Thank you for applying” email.  Or the “We’re sorry” phone call.  And worst of all, most of the time I don’t get any response.  This is when I go through the low wave, the sad depressing wave of recognizing a future that includes me moving back home to Reno and living with my mother.  Yeah…

What can I do… Okay, I just need to simplify.  Take my current eighth note measure life to a quarter beat.  I’ll get a studio.  I’ll sell my car.  I’ll have a fantastic garage sale.  I can do it.

…low wave slowly receding…

I’m not going to give up Portland without a fight.  This is where I want to be when I finally fall in love, or where I start my first indie rock band (BTW, it’ll be called Baby Chimp Hug Fest, oh yeah!), or to even hear that long awaited “Yes, you’re hired.”  Portland is where I want live a happy, beautiful life.

And it’s only been here where I can honestly say that yes, I’m finally marching to the beat of my own drum.

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30 Things To Do Before I’m 30

posted 22nd July 2009    Written by: Andrea    CATEGORY: All Posts, Andrea, Inspiration, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

[New to the site? Welcome 20something adventure seeker! Don't leave without registering on the right to receive our free eBook- The Gutsy Girls Guide to Success! It will inspire you to create an incredible Life List!

Andrea is a Guest Blogger for Stratejoy- a training and coaching company that helps women conquer their Quarterlife Crisis and Live Life Well!  Molly Hoyne, the founder of Stratejoy, also has her life list posted as well as her 20 Things To Do in 2010.]

Andrea’s Post

While driving to and from Bonnaroo, the most amazing music, art and camping experience of my life, I decided to make a list of 30 things to do before I am 30 years old. I’m calling it my 30 Before 30.

I just turned 25, so that gives me 5 years to complete all of my goals. A few of my friends also made lists and we are going to keep in touch and track which items we accomplish over the next few years.

ANDREA’S 30 BEFORE 30

  1. Go on a hot air balloon ride
  2. Learn how to play the guitar (at least one song)
  3. Visit Australia
  4. Visit London
  5. Get married (married?!… this one is VERY questionable)
  6. Buy a new car (mine is 13 years old. Her name is Mabel)
  7. Cut my hair (I’ve always had long hair)
  8. Start my own business or non-profit
  9. Backpack through Europe
  10. Continue to dance
  11. Drive cross-country
  12. Watch the sunrise and sunset from the same day on 2 different coasts of the USA
  13. Become a published Writer
  14. Take my dad to see the Grand Canyon
  15. Take my mom to see the Louve in Paris
  16. Teach a college course
  17. Visit Poland and see where my great grandparents grew up
  18. Read the top ten classic novels
  19. Watch as many Oscar award winning films as possible
  20. Move (that could be out of DC or inside of DC)
  21. Learn how to calm down
  22. Do something with my travel photos. (Currently they live in cyberspace)
  23. Start an investment account
  24. Ride a horse
  25. Volunteer for a cause that matters to me
  26. Submit an entry to Postsecret
  27. Participate in Flash Mob

[Flash Mob: is a large group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual action for a brief time, then quickly disperse. The term flash mob is generally applied only to gatherings organized via social media or viral emails.]

28. ?
29. ?
30. ?

I know my list isn’t totally complete yet but, I hoping some of you may be able to help me.  What would be on your list? Share with me your 30 Before 30 lists whether its complete or incomplete like mine. Maybe we can all get some good ideas from each other!

photo credit: jesse.millan

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Friends in Old Places

posted 21st July 2009    Written by: Kendra    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kendra, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

There’s this sort of assumption that people in their twenties, as they age, change. But I think if you’re really lucky, as you get older you become more yourself.

When I look at the person I am now, in comparison to the person I was four years ago when I first began my crisis, I’m her, but I’m more her. Letting go, has allowed my true self to emerge and given me a degree of self-confidence I didn’t know was possible to possess.

For example, despite the fact that only 2% of women view themselves as beautiful, I love my body: no beauty magazine, no difficult bathing suit shopping session, no male friend’s admission that he, in fact, views me as too fat to date, can change the immutable fact that I know I’m beautiful.

Anyone who feels otherwise, or feels the need to tell me otherwise is not someone I have to or want to be around. It’s a weird kind of security that provides a bit of buffer from the ups and downs of the uncertainties I’m now facing: job hunting, relocating and rekindling old friendships.

I’ve also noticed it’s a trait that many of my friends who skated through their early to mid-twenties crisis free, lack. Armed with “perfect” jobs and “perfect” relationships they were never forced to take the time for self-reflection, and now looking at children and mortgages, some of them are starting to freak.

Not that this new self-awareness has all been roses and sunshine.

The trouble (and the beauty) is that neither my 16-year old self nor even my 22-year old self ever dreamed that my 29-year old self would think, act, or live the way I live. And although I adore the person that I am, it is taking time for me (never mind my friends and family) to make peace with this reality.

In a classic case of two steps forward one step back this means I’ve had to renegotiate the terms of old friendships. In doing so some have survived stronger than ever, some have transitioned firmly into the land of acquaintance, and some, such as my closest friend of 13 years became irreparably toxic and I was forced to walk away.

This, naturally, leads me to my newest source of worry (there always has to be something!). My transient lifestyle means that my friends have been deprived of me to varying degrees over the past four years and they’ve gotten quite good at living their lives without me, thanking you very much. I’m left wondering, sometimes, to what extent they “need” or miss me.

This is a feeling that’s heightened because so many of my relationships, at the moment are virtual: one unanswered e-mail or ignored instant message, particularly coupled with yet another job rejection (or worse total silence on the job front) can send me into a tail spin of funk that lasts for hours.

I start getting nervous that my reasoning for moving home –to be closer to my family and friends, even though it means fewer job prospects and much more competition is flawed: Is it worth moving back for friendships that may drift into acquaintance, or even worse, stranger territory when faced with the day-to-day reality of the person that I am versus the person I was?

I know that there’s no answer, I won’t know until I move home.

But still, sometimes, I worry.

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A Crappy Day Considered in a Different Light

posted 20th July 2009    Written by: Robyn    CATEGORY: All Posts, Quarterlife Crisis, Robyn, Season 1

The weather is gorgeous here in Chicago–finally.  I had a great weekend–Some time at the beach, some time with good friends, some time to relax–All the necessary requirements for a great weekend.

I could stand going to work during the freezing winter and during the rainy spring, because I wasn’t distracted by other things I could be doing.  Now that the sun is shining and baseball season is in full swing… I’m having issues motivating myself to get to work.  And Mondays are the worst!

However, today I decided to change the way I look at things.

I’m far from being a miserable, pessimistic person, but sometimes I do find myself getting caught up in the “Why me?!?!” questions that everyone encounters at some point.  Every once in a while I will have one of those days where nothing goes my way, and I reach the point where I say, “Bring it on… I mean seriously…. what’s next?  What else could go wrong?  Why is the world out to get me today?”

So here is my crappy day considered in a different light:

I wake up and go through my morning routine, all while the coffee is brewing.  I grab my purse and pour myself a coffee to-go… and realize I’m out of milk.  I can’t drink black coffee, yet I can’t start my day without coffee.  Perfect opportunity to be slightly irritated.  Also… possibly the perfect excuse to have ice cream for breakfast. A spoonful of vanilla in my coffee cup cools it off to drinking temperature and takes out the bitter black taste right away.  I’m on my way out the door!

I miss my bus by 10 seconds.  Me?  Irritated?  No way.  I’m amused that the only reason I am 10 seconds late is because I stopped to pet a cute new puppy my neighbor adopted.  I get over it and enjoy more time outdoors in the fresh air with the sun shining down on me.

When I do catch a bus, I end up sitting in the only seat left–the one next to the spot that drips who-knows-what from the ceiling.  Every time the bus turns a corner I get a drop on my head.  Irritated?  Nope.  I’m delighted that I’m not one of the people standing up, scrambling for something to hold on to each time the bus driver slams on the breaks and switches lanes.  And the drip looks just like water…

I get to work and my boss asks me to do the most worthless, mindless task.  What amazes me is that she has a way of asking me to do this crap work as if she is presenting me with a great opportunity.

“Robyn, I know you’re busy, but we just got results for 2nd quarter in!  How much would you like to be the one who gets to analyze the results compared to last quarter?!”

Yay!  I tell her I’m thrilled to do it! Okay… my positivity ends there, but good effort right?

Even though my job is what has been weighing on me lately, I still have a positive outlook.  I just know there is something better out there, and I’m full of all the right ideas.  Now I just need to take the chances necessary to do something that makes me happy–something that makes me want to get to work each day…

Maybe something that doesn’t feel so much like work.

photo credit: audioeric

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Travel heals the Quarterlife Crisis a.k.a. My Trip Around the World

posted 17th July 2009    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Molly, Quarterlife Crisis, Travel

Cambodia- Angkor Wat

Did you all catch one of the common themes of the Quarterlife Bloggers?  Kendra packed it all up & moved to France, Robyn had quite the adventure in Australia, Marisa experienced a turning point at SXSW and though it hasn’t happened yet,  I know that Andrea has big plans come January.

TRAVEL.  Big time, more-than-a- Hawaiian-vacation, travel.  Soul-clearing, life-changing travel.

A trip around the world was my self prescribed solution to my Quarterlife Crisis as well. It seemed like escape from my world, escape from my job, escape from the traditional path, was the only thing that would help me reconnect to myself.  I spent the first 3 months of my trip decompressing and the last 7 months designing my life.

I was right.  It was exactly what I needed.

The Big Man and I left on May 1, 2007 and returned on March 1, 2008. We backpacked our way through 23 countries.  And because I know you’re curious cats– here’s the itinerary!

May 2007-July 2007

  • Central America–Honduras, Guatemala, Nicaragua & Costa Rica
  • Ecuador–Quito, Otavalo, Banos & Montanita
  • Peru–Cusco, Puno, Lake Titicaca, Arequipa & Lima

August 2007-October 2007 : Europe

  • Stockholm, Copanhagen, Amsterdam & Brussels
  • France– Paris, Bordueax
  • Spain–San Sebastian, Madrid, Valencia, Sevilla & Barcelona
  • Monte Carlo
  • Italy– Cinque Terre, Florence, Seina, Rome, Venice & Verona
  • Munich, Prague, Bled & Ljubljana
  • Croatia– Zagreb, Dubrovnik, Sailing the Kornati Islands, Zadar
  • England– London, Guildford & Winchestor

November 2007: South Africa

  • 2 week Overland Trip on the Garden Route from Capetown to Durban
  • Photo Safari at Zulu Nyala Game Reserve

December 2007: India

  • Mumbai
  • Goa- the beaches of Candolim and Mandrem

January 2008: Thailand

  • Monte Viste Retreat on Koh Phangan
  • Christmas & New Years on Koh Tao
  • Meet up with Kate & Senior in Phuket, Krabi, Ko Lanta & Ko Phi Phi
  • Bangkok

February 2008

  • Cambodia — Siem Reap, Phnom Penh, & Sihanoukville
  • Vietnam — Ho Chi Minh City, Hoi An, Hanoi & Halong Bay
  • Back to Thailand for Sunshine — Koh Tao & Bangkok

March 2008

  • Returned home to Seattle, Washington, USA

I kept the typical travel blog, but I want to share with you some of the private thoughts I was writing in my journal. I filled two moleskine journals with notes & drawings & business plans while we were gone! Obviously, I was loving exploring & eating & making new friends, but I also spent qutie a lot of time “thinking”.

This is a bit of the writing to show you the process & the progress I was slowly making.

Let me emphasize slowly!  I was trying very hard to be patient with myself, but as a fairly impatient go-getter, it was incredibly hard to simply let the connection to my authentic self just happen.  I did it, though.  I let things unfold.  I mulled.  I practiced trusting my intuition.  I played hot or cold with all ideas no matter how crazy they seemed.

From Banos, Ecuador: “I was skimming a book at this adorable cafe about Prospering Women (thank god for book exchanges!) and it got me thinking about what I want to do when we get back.  The Big Man put up a good offer with the potential recruiting firm, but I don’t want it to feel like “his project”.  He’s adamant that I won’t want to go back to working for someone else & I think he’s right.  I’m not sure how I feel about recruiting– I need to make sure I’m doing something I WANT to be doing.  Just not sure what that is…”

From Koln, Germany: “So we’re walking in the train station & I was remarking how I think Mom would love to come “backpack” Europe.  [The Big Man] said that travel is a constant opportunity to learn something completely new every moment, unlike being home.  It made so much sense to me!  That’s why I love world travel so much & why I thought  Mom would love it as well — lifelong learners!”

From Vernazza, Italy: “I think I’m finally feeling recovered & revitalized from all the craziness of my old life.  And here, on the incredible Cinque Terre, I’ve been doing some thinking.  Ah, yes, more thinking…  What did I want to be when I was little? An interior designer, a camp director, a college professor, an advertising executive, a psychologist…  Does any of that still apply?   What really makes me feel alive?  Connection with other people, the outdoors, the power of a great song or movie, creating opportunities for others to feel special, a sense of possibility, spontaneous playfulness, pride in a job well done…”

From Drakensberg, South Africa: [This is a great one!  It's my future Bio before Stratejoy was born... It's pretty incredible to reread my own thoughts as I get closer & closer to the final idea!]  Molly B Hoyne, CEO of Union Wellness & founder of Authentic Retreats Northwest, provides strategies for Joyful Living.  She is a frequent contributor to Oprah magazine & the Real Simple channel, as well as various travel publications around the world.  Hoyne’s passions included hosting Outside the Box Camp for Young Women, throwing celebrated house concerts & the great outdoors.  Her joyful living is based in Seattle with her husband & two extraordinary children.

From Hoi An, Vietnam: “Today I took myself to a cafe, sat back & really appreciated the thinking I’ve been doing over the course of this trip.  I’ve been exposed to so many new ideas & observed so many different ways of life.  I have really & truly connected to my vision of success & am enthused about bringing Company X to fruition.  I am so excited about the changes I’m making in my own life to grow & push & seek joy.  And incredibly excited to share these breakthroughts with other woman who feel that sense of quiet desperation.  There so much I still need to learn, but I feel that my heart & my head are in the right place & ready to move forward.  I am truly living my mission to celebrate each day authentically & inspire others to do the same.”

If you’ve ever taken a course or done any coaching with me  (Hello lovelies!!), I’m sure you recognize bits of Stratejoy in those last few entries. As I’ve mentioned, a lot of the creation of my content came from what I was taking myself through on the trip.  If I could send everyone on a trip around the world, I would.  Knowing that is a huge sacrifice for most people, my aim with Strategjoy is to take the self reflection, clarity & lifestyle design that I discovered on my trip & share it with my Tribe.

That’s what I’m doing now!  Trying to bottle up the best of what I’ve learned into managable sips, like a month long workshop or a homestudy course, to spread the word of joyous living on your own terms.  To start an Authentic Happiness movement.

I know, I know– You’re dying for more travel information.  I’ll wrap it up by answering the two most common questions I get about my trip…

F.A.Q Travel Questions

How did I do it? When people ask me this, they’re always referring to the money. No, I’m not a trust fund baby.  Yes, I quit my hotel sales job.  No, I didn’t make any money for a year.  Yes, I was in debt when I got home.  But…

I was lucky — the Big Man & I spent 9 months planning our escape, so I saved up as much money as I could.  I needed to be able to pay my ridiculous Cornell loans, cover health & car insurance, keep my cell phone number & take care of other bills while we were gone. We sold everything we owned: cars, condo, furniture, bikes, bbq, excess everything.  And the real kicker, the Big Man already ran his own internet based company. He didn’t lose his livelihood. He hired an employee to watch the “shop” and kept closely connected through internet cafes around the world.

I will always be intensely grateful for his generosity and gift of “showing me the world”.

What was my favorite country? Don’t make me choose!   I answer this question with a fairly rote reply these days.  I don’t have a favorite country, but I do have favorite experiences.  And here they are!

Trekking in Peru

Mt Salkantay Peru

We went on an alternative trek to Machu Picchu with a fabulous company called Llamapath.  This trek is the closest one to what we did– I can’t find our exact version on the site anymore.  It was hard.  It was breathtaking.  We made some incredible friends & saw some incredible vistas.  We drank mata tea delivered to our tent at 4:30 am.  We climbed to 14,000+ feet.  We soaked in hot springs.  We saw Machu Pichu at sunrise & it was just as amazing as you imagine.

Sailing in Croatia

Sailing in Croatia

The Big Man’s the sailor, but I absolutely loved our two weeks exploring the Dalmatian Coast & Kornati Islands.  I couldn’t have been happier with this budget friendly flotilla with Activity Yachting! I learned how to sail, fell in love with Croatia, made life long friends with 3 crazy chicks from London & fell alseep on a sail boat in a severe thunderstorm.  Oh, and drank a bunch of wine, swam in the Mediterranean in October & explored some incredible harbors.

Beach Time in Thailand

Thai Beach

By the time we got to Thailand, I was exhausted.  I was sick of dragging my pack, I was tired of having our camaras & laptops & ipods stolen (yes I know- we’re such American techno geeks), & I was done with moving every 3 days.  So we planted ourselves on various Thai islands for longer stretches.  We’d get into a little routine of beach, motorbike, beach, internet cafe, mango break, beach.  It felt like heaven!  This pic was taken on Christmas Day (also the Big Man’s birthday!).

Thoughts?  Stories to share about your own travels? After all this reminising, I’m ready to hit the international airport again!

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