Setting Up a Home, Establishing a Life

posted 14th July 2009    Written by: Kendra    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kendra, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

INTRODUCING KENDRA

Cresting the Quarterlife Crisis Wave…

Almost five years ago, I hit my Quarterlife Crisis at 25. Two and a half years out of undergrad, I was living in Brooklyn and working in corporate communications. I hated my job, which was neither intellectually challenging nor emotionally fulfilling, and I hated my social life, which revolved around drinking and eating out; a sedated form of Sex and the City.

Over and over again this line from Anne Taylor’s Back When We Were Grownups would play in my head: “Once upon a time there was a woman who discovered that she had turned into the wrong person.”

I knew if I didn’t do something that woman would be me.

So I quit my job and moved to France where I spent seven months teaching English. When I returned to New York in the spring of 2006, I knew that it wouldn’t be for long. And it wasn’t.

In the fall of 2007 I moved north to a tiny grad school in Brattleboro, Vermont (population, 12,000), settling into a cabin located on 40 acres of forest in the town of Guilford (population 1,900). I was 8 miles from town, 13 miles from school, with neither a car nor a driver’s license (yes, I’m a total New Yorker). My two new roommates assured me that it would work out. It did. I eventually learned how to drive, how to stoke a woodstove, and how to be unafraid of the woodland creatures with which we shared our land.

After Vermont, I moved to DC and from DC to Montreal, which is where I’m currently living.

Personally, I’d say that the first wave of my Quarterlife Crisis came with the realization that the life I’d established for myself was not the one that I wanted, and that I needed to find a way to define myself outside of the confines of social and parental pressure. So I quit that life and spent my time trying new things. I embraced failure, I gave myself permission to walk away from things.  In the process, I figured out who I was and I gained a certain unflappable confidence that I don’t think I would have had otherwise.

Three months ago, however, I began to realize that I missed having friendships that weren’t held together by Skype, that I longed for neighbors who knew me by name, and for a room that was filled with more than can be crammed into a suitcase.

In effect I realized that it I was ready to sink in some roots, to set up a home. The realization feels scarier then when I first quit my job almost five years ago.

We talk a lot about surviving the pain and anguish of the Quarterlife Crisis, but we don’t talk a lot about how to end it. So I guess that’s what I’m here for; my crisis hasn’t ended but it has begun to wane. In a mere month and a half I’m moving back to New York for at least two years. It will be the longest that I’ve lived anywhere since 2005. And I’m nervous – I can move better than almost anyone; but do I know how to establish a life?

Am I really going to do this?

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Comments (6)

6 Responses to “Setting Up a Home, Establishing a Life”

  • Leslee Horner Says:
    July 14th, 2009 at 3:18 pm

    Thanks for sharing your story, Kendra. I quit my job as an elementary school teacher 5 years ago to become a stay-at-home-mom. I know that I want to have a career but am quite sure I don’t want it to be in the elementary school classroom anymore. I hope to go back to work in a couple of years (or sooner if I find something that inspires me)! Hearing a story like yours gives me confidence in my journey even though it is currently uncertain….

    Leslee

  • Kendra Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 7:50 am

    Leslee, I’m glad to hear that my struggles can be an inspiration for someone :) Often times it feels like we’re struggling alone, doesn’t it?

  • Annemarie Says:
    July 18th, 2009 at 6:33 am

    At least you’re moving back to a place with a support network of family and friends. Two years will fly by in no time!! You can do it. Drink lots of egg creams for me. :-)

  • Kendra Says:
    July 20th, 2009 at 3:21 pm

    uhmmm can I eat pizza for you instead? ;) . Yeah I’m really determined to move to NYC even though it’s not the best decision career wise (DC would be much better, or even San Francisco), but after living in Montreal where my support network was really weak and hard to develop (in part because of the weather), moving back to a place where I have an existing support structure is key at this stage of my life.

  • Molly Hoyne Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 8:36 am

    Follow your heart! You sound like you know exactly what you need right now. I say kudos to giving it to yourself, Kendra. xoxo

  • Are You Having a Quarterlife Crisis? | Stratejoy | Conquer Your Quarterlife Crisis through Fresh Strategies for Real Joy Says:
    January 29th, 2010 at 9:17 am

    [...] you’re a familiar face around Stratejoy, you know that we’ve had Robyn, Kendra, Andrea and Marisa writing about their day to day experience of conquering, or at least surviving, [...]

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