Do the Things That Make You Happy

posted 12th August 2009    Written by: Kendra    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kendra, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1, What I've Learned

girlMy friend and former roommate, Deb, a cow milking, tree hugging, policy making chick from New York’s Hudson Valley region, positively flits through life.

She’s the kind of girl that you expect to find birds resting on her fingers like something out of Walt Disney’s Snow White.

It’s not that her life is perfect, or that she doesn’t have the same troubles or worries that the rest of us do – she most definitely does – she just seems to always find a way of getting through them with a smile.

One day last summer as I lay in the living room of Casa Guilford (yes, we named it), our sweet little house in the woods of Vermont, Debbie bounded through the living room Tigger-like ‘as was her wont’.

I’d had enough.

“Deb,”  I said feeling very much like Piglet out of Winnie the Pooh as I fretted over this and that, “How is it you always seem so Happy?”

“Weeeelllll,” she said in her drawn out way that makes you feel very much as though you’re going to be let in on a Super Special Secret.  And then she paused, visibly flummoxed as though she herself hadn’t given it much thought, before brightening and shrugging as she said, “I do the things that make me happy.”

She bounced off to lie in the grass in the field outside of our house leaving me to ponder: How often do I really do the things that bring me pleasure? Not just the Big Things such as travel, but the little things like a mid-day nap in the shade of a tree on a sunny day, setting down a page or two in a scrapbook, or mixing up a batch of much beloved oatmeal raisin cookies for a special friend?

Or are these tiny daily pleasures the first to get shunted aside?

For me, and I’m guessing for a lot of other people as well, the first things to go are the things that bring me pleasure. It’s as my friend Steve pointed out to me recently, “At times, Kendra, it seems that you don’t like to be nice to you.”

And he’s right, over the past year or so I’ve gotten into the habit of being infinitely meaner to myself than I would ever allow myself to be to even my worst enemy. I wouldn’t imagine telling a child they couldn’t eat until they’d finished writing a page of their essay, but I wouldn’t hesitate to do that to myself.

Faced with a lot to do and very little time, I phase out the daily pleasures that make life worth living. Which apart from being cruel, it’s these small pleasures that give us the clarity into figuring out the answers to the Big Questions such as “What am I doing with my life?”  and “What job (if any) will bring me joy?”

Steve’s words reminded me of Deb’s so long ago and helped to jolt me out of my-nose-to-the-grindstone stupor.

Consequently, I’ve started to carve several hours out of everyday for the things that give me pleasure. In the past week, in addition to sending out a half a dozen or so resumes, contacting a handful of people for networking opportunities, and diligently working on my graduate school capstone paper, I’ve also spent my week scrapbooking, hanging out with friends, and just messing around.

And you know what?

For the first time in months, when people ask me how I’m feeling, some days I can honestly answer, “Great!”

kendra-bio1

photo credit: Today is a good day

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Comments (5)

5 Responses to “Do the Things That Make You Happy”

  • Annemarie Says:
    August 12th, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    I’m the same in terms of sacrificing things. I always put work stuff ahead of things I really want to do, like write in my journal or call a friend. It’s almost like you deny yourself so that you can reward yourself later, but why wait until later? Do the things you love now as the other stuff will always be there waiting for you. Go take a nap in the sun.

  • Kate Says:
    August 12th, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    This is why it makes me happy when you pointed out that I spend a lot of my free time playing. It made me feel like I make good choices (at least I do when I’m not in school, but hopefully when I am too).

  • Kendra Says:
    August 13th, 2009 at 6:24 am

    Annie, exactly. I used to do silly things like not light my scented candles and stuff and now it’s like what am I saving it for?

    Kate, can’t wait to see you :)

  • Molly Hoyne Says:
    August 16th, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    Kendra- I totally agreed with that bit about being crueler to ourselves than we would ever be to someone else… One of the gals in ReFresh said she is trying hard to “Be Gentle” with herself. I loved that thought!

    I think making time for the small daily pleasures is part of being gentle & practicing self care.

    A walk in the sunshine is sounding good right now, so in the spirit of this post– I’m off!

  • Benedict Says:
    December 3rd, 2009 at 2:25 pm

    Deb used to be an intern in my office. You have her pegged: she brings joy to all those around her. Her nickname in our office was “bountiful.”

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