Enemies, Frenemies, and Friends

posted 26th August 2009    Written by: Andrea    CATEGORY: All Posts, Andrea, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

There have really only been 2 people in my entire life that I can honestly say I hate. Well, hated- past tense- since now I only hate 1 person. Over the years, the second person (to everyone’s surprise!) has gone from despised enemy, to frenemy, to friend.

It’s hard to describe how a person can go through such a drastic relationship change, but I’m going to try.

Usually, you hate someone or have harsh feelings toward someone who has hurt you or those close to you. The one girl I still despise has never done anything to reconcile our friendship, where as my new found friend (previous enemy) Kelly, has gained my respect and trust over the past few years.

We have both grown and changed and I think that has a lot to do with our new relationship.

robyn-and-mesmall

I recently took a trip to Chicago and met up with fellow QLC blogger Robyn (Check out our cute picture above!!) and we ended up talking about careers, life goals and friendships. It was strange because, even though I had never met Robyn, we instantly bonded over our dramatic, chaotic, unconventional quarter-life status.

I told her the short version of my history with my new found friend Kelly, because she was going to be joining me in Chicago for BlogHer Business, a social media conference for business. This conference is the number one, must-go-to event for females in the blogging and social media industry and I was very excited to have someone there I knew. Sometimes in large groups I can be shy.

After our lunch, Robyn wished me luck with Kelly, since this was going to be the first time we would actually spend time together. I was pretty nervous!

Amazingly, we ended up having a blast together running around Chicago for a few days and it is safe to say we’ve put our past behind us. Kelly has done so much since graduating and I am so proud and jealous of her accomplishments in the social media realm!

This little trip taught me that deep down, we are really all the same. Women our age all over the place have goals, dreams, challenges, struggles, boy issues, family problems, friendship dramas  and we (those going through a Quarterlife Crisis) are not the only ones. I learned throughout the years of knowing Kelly, it is much easier to be friends with someone than to fight them. It’s just not worth the time and effort.

Our new friendship looks odd to anyone who knows my personality and our history. But, I’m learning I can’t keep living my life worrying about what other people think of me. If I feel she is no longer an enemy or frenemy, then that is all that should really matter.

It just sucks that my other friends and family will never understand the transformation our relationship has taken.

I’ve noticed as women, we have a hard time getting over things and offering forgiveness. My tip for those of you struggling with women enemies would be to take a step back, think of all the time and energy spent being evil or having angry thought,  and try to gauge if it is really worth it.

Life is short and not worth wasting time on past grudges.

On the topic of frenemies, why bother being nice to someone’s face if deep down you know you don’t get along? Be real, be upfront and just be yourself. Take the time to talk out your issues and if they can’t be resolved, then a friendship was not meant to be.

Take a minute to really think about the people in your life you “hate.” You may be surprised that deep down, you are much more similar than you originally thought.

Andrea (new) bio.

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Comments (7)

7 Responses to “Enemies, Frenemies, and Friends”

  • Birdie Says:
    August 26th, 2009 at 11:09 am

    Powerful stuff!

    There are people who’ve done this or that to really betray my trust and focusing on that does nothing good. I believe people can change and sometimes they actually do… So it IS really important to stop hating and just move on. If they want to work towards repairing a friendship, it’s probably worth the consideration and effort to fix. If they don’t want to work towards mending it, you both are out living your life – it doesn’t affect either of you, either way.

  • Birdie Says:
    August 26th, 2009 at 11:10 am

    Oh, also, “Grudges are for people with no imagination” – I read that somewhere and thought it was funny, and fairly apt.

  • Kelly Mitton Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 7:37 am

    Andrea,

    We’ve both come a long way from our “despised enemy” days. I’m really touched that you wrote this. It’s an important message too-for women & girls everywhere. In the past few years we’ve really grown as young adults and as friends. I had a fantastic time in Chi-town as well and am glad (and proud) to call you my friend.

  • Kelly Mitton Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 8:10 am

    PS: Who cares what everyone else thinks? We’re both amazingly fabulous & that’s all that matters!

  • Molly Hoyne Says:
    September 2nd, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    I love that PS Kelly!

    Seriously, who does care what everyone else thinks? :)

    Question for everyone along these same lines… My nemesis from the 7th grade (I haven’t seen her since then!) just friended me on FB. What do I do?

  • Andrea Says:
    September 9th, 2009 at 9:52 pm

    Molly Id friend her. Maybe she wants to make amends? If not you can just feel confident that you are doing fabulously well with your life and hope she is too. PPS to everyone who commented and read this, that was a really tough post for me to write but phew I got it out!

  • One Door Closes and I Wait For Another To Open | Stratejoy | Conquer Your Quarterlife Crisis through Fresh Strategies for Real Joy Says:
    January 26th, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    [...] for Stratejoy bloggers. You will all love her, I am sure. We come from the same hometown and have very recently become friends… actually as a result of both of our QuarterLife Crisis adventures. Check back to read about [...]

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