Are you down with G-O-D?

posted 29th September 2009    Written by: Kendra    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kendra, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1, Spirituality

RosaryI believe in God.

Not as an abstract concept, or because of 13 years of religious indoctrination via Catholic school.

Okay, maybe a little bit because of that.

But still I believe in God.

This is problematic. My friends- the hyper-educated, super liberal, scientific sort- mostly don’t. Their beliefs vary from wrestling with the belief that God is real, vague forms of agnosticism, to all out atheism.

With a few exceptions most of my nominally Christian friends do not go to church and my Jewish friends are more culturally Jewish than religiously Jewish.  A Muslim friend chose to communally break his Ramadan fast surrounded by non-Muslim friends and with a meal which among other things included pork sausages and beer. I’m not going to lie, it was delicious.

And if I sound like I’m coming from a place of judgment, I’m not. I don’t go to church regularly either, and when I discovered that Catholicism which does not frown upon alcohol consumption, most definitely frowns upon intoxication I mourned for my past sins by getting drunk.

My relationship with religion is best described as nebulous and I chafe under the mantle of being called religious. I mean, I’m pro-choice, pro-contraception, pro-gay marriage and yes, I believe in evolution and the separation of church and state.

But I also believe in God. And yet, because nobody around me really does and people tend to talk in negative tones about religion and spirituality I tend to be shy about my beliefs. Instead of something that links me to others, something within which I can find much needed solace, it’s one more thing that seems to set me apart in hidden shame.

This is silly, because I’m happiest and my life seems to go most serendipitously when I feel personally connected to God. Incidentally, this year of acutely painful transitions (which I now call, in hindsight, the dark ages) is the most disconnected I’ve felt from God in my adult life.  Coincidence?  Maybe. But for me, faith makes me happier, healthier and more connected and I’m not going to throw that out just to satisfy someone else’s idea of who I should be and what I should believe.

I am not here to proselytize to anyone, not least of all because I don’t think God needs me as a PR person.

I am not worried that without a belief in God your soul is hell bent on eternal damnation or any of the things that turn so many people (including myself) off to so many of the world’s organized religions. If agnosticism or all out atheism works for you then keep on rocking, but if like me you’re struggling a bit and you find yourself to be a bit of a closet believer,  I guess I’m here to say it’s okay to have faith.

kendra-bio1

photo credit: calliope

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Comments (3)

3 Responses to “Are you down with G-O-D?”

  • Heather Rae Says:
    September 29th, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    Hi Kendra,
    That was a beautiful post. I often have similar feelings but on the opposite side of the spectrum. Almost everyone I know is religious, and I head toward the agnostic/atheist side of things. I often feel I have to hide my beliefs in order not to offend anyone.

    I think the key though is respect. I respect the feelings of others about god. I even admire many of their beliefs and teachings. And those who are closest to me and actually know my beliefs – they respect me too. We all deserve people in our lives who respect and love us for who we are.

  • Betsy Talbot Says:
    September 29th, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    Kendra, I’m an atheist and many of my friends hold some kind of belief in a god, though none of them attend church regularly.

    I’m of the belief that my way is only one way, and other people can choose a different path if it works better for them. What bothers me is when other people try to push their way of life on me.

    It sounds like you believe in mutual respect for different lifestyles/beliefs. So if your faith comforts you and brings you joy in your life, that’s a good thing for you. No need to keep it quiet. If your friends are as evolved as you regarding mutual respect for others, they won’t mind you openly living your lifestyle. And if they do, then maybe you need new friends.

  • Kendra Says:
    September 30th, 2009 at 6:33 pm

    Heather & Betsy, I think the idea of mutual respect is key and I guess I can feel sort of bashful about it, because there is this liberal thread that those who are religious, are somehow less than intelligent. I just remind myself that Einstein was a man of faith and he wasn’t a total idiot. And that while there are some stupid people who cloister themselves in faith, there are equally unthinking people on the other side of the aisle. And that faith (or lack thereof) is not an indicator of intellect or anything else. Secular Humanism exists for a reason, right :)

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