Reality Bites

posted 17th September 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

changeShit is about to get real.

And I say this with the utmost belief that I am going to be okay. I know I will, I have faith that I will be. But still, it’s crunch time.

My unemployment claim ends in two weeks. I will have to file an extension after that, but I haven’t received a letter notifying me if I qualify yet. And I’m a little scared. Scared that I won’t qualify and I’ll be left with no financial option.

On the upside of things, I had a job interview today.  It was for a Store Operations Specialist with lucy, inc. active wear. They’re based out of Portland and even though it’s only a temporary job for a couple of months, this could seriously pull me out of the brink.

It was a good interview; I know that I’m pleasant, quick and charming so I always feel positive about meeting new people in a work/employment situation. I can at least be confident in that aspect. What I’m concerned about is this company finding someone else who is more qualified, more enthusiastic, more of something they want. This position is for less money than my previous job, has no health benefits and is only three days a week. But seriously, I would take it in a heartbeat.

I need a job. I need this type of control back in my life.

Control is such a dubious and weird thing. Do I have control over my life? I don’t know. I have control over my actions, over my thoughts and mostly over my emotions (to a point). My life, I think, is uncontrollable in the grandeur scale. I chose to take control of a journey that was given to me 6 months ago. I’ve been able to handle most things thrown my way. That’s the control that I’ve been wielding lately.

I am so different than the Marisa that existed 6 months ago.

Listen, it’s not a matter anymore for me of whether or not I’m in control. I’ve accepted the fact that people, things, experiences happen to us and it’s not about whether or not you can control them, it’s about what you can do to make your life positive and plentiful with happiness. I can’t control whether or not I hear from lucy, inc. next week; it would be fantastic and pretty much a loud scream of happiness in my silent employment world, but I’m realistic. I’d move on to the next step, next application and next hope.

I can control some things. Not all things, but some. At least the stuff that I think will make me happy and to be honest, right now, I just need control to take a back seat and let me breathe.

I need that phone call too. Hey employment gods, you hear me?

marisa-bio1

photo credit: zacklur

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