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Funk Be Gone

posted 22nd October 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1, What I've Learned

Marisa's Supercute DressThey had dresses on sale. I was a goner, plain and simple.

Anthropolgie has always been a weakness of mine. I never really buy anything there because of my budget-food, bills and rent before anything else-but still, I visit whenever I go to Powell’s so I can daydream and possible get inspired for new, inexpensive sewing projects.

Yesterday was needed. I’ve been in a funk lately, the kind where I haven’t heard anything from any job that I’ve applied to in the last month, a funk with being anti-social with the world and a funk where I feel unattractive, gross and sad.

This is when I know Powell’s is needed; it’s my cure of sorts. But after getting off that Streetcar and seeing the store Anthropologie with it’s beautiful display windows and gorgeous clothing taunting me, I had to go in and take a quick peek.

Like I said, they had dresses on sale. I was a goner.

And even though I was in my usual sweatshirt, jeans and flats funk outfit, I forced myself to try on those dresses. Sometimes you just need to force yourself out of that lame comfort zone. I picked four to try on: black, floral, blue and plaid. It’s also fun to know that you can count on the sales staff there to compliment-whether or not it’s sincere and true, who knows, but it works and I definitely needed to hear it. I picked the latter, a black, gray and white plaid dress that had retro Mad Men theme shirt-dress.

It made me feel like a million dollars. It fit in every right spot, tucked things away, and made me feel amazing. You can’t beat that. Even the sales girls wanted me to wear it out of the store.

So I did. And I’ve never gotten so many compliments from random strangers. Talk about a confidence boost. But sometimes we need that.

We need that injection of confidence in one area of life because it spreads to other things in life and even to other people.

I’m definitely excited and happy I bought that dress. My bank account is pleased as well.

And I know just where to wear it! There’s a Portland independent fashion designer showcase at the Ace Hotel Sunday evening and I’m going. Music, fashion and food-yes! Russian Red is tagging along too.

Funk be gone.

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The Best Advice

posted 21st October 2009    Written by: Andrea    CATEGORY: All Posts, Andrea, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1, What I've Learned

intense conversationGiving Advice

We all do it.  When it comes time to make a decision we ask someone for their advice. For some, advice is based on experience “Well, when that happened to me I…” or vicariously injecting themselves into your situation, “If I were you, I would….”

For others, advice is based on simple inner wisdom.

I am going to be the first to admit, I am terrible at making decisions. I weigh the options too much and carefully overthink each choice. My biggest fear is that I will make the wrong decision and regret my choice. Ever feel that way?

Advice is tough to give.

I don’t feel like I’m experienced enough to give my thoughts. Most of the time, people don’t even listen to advice — they just want someone to agree with them.

Sometimes, you’ll get that friend, family member or colleague who continually keeps asking for advice on the same issue but they never listen!   I know this happens with my mother and her friends and she gets frustrated. It’s happened to me a bunch and its come to the point where I have to stop and think, “What is the real purpose of advice?”

The problem with advice is it’s always relative to the person and the situation. No two situations will ever be the same, yet we try to find one similar or someone who has experienced the same type of dilemma in hopes of finding that magical answer. We look for advice everywhere, from books, to movies, magazine, television shows, novels, friends, lovers, parents, grandparents, bosses, characters in a play, quotes from the past, psychics, telephone hotlines and even YouTube, Facebook or Twitter.

Deep down, I think we all are well aware of the choices we need to make. It’s just a matter of having someone other than yourself validate your choice outloud that makes it definitive and real.

Receiving Advice

When I was growing up my mother would always tell me, “If you are stuck and don’t know what to do, help someone.” I’d like to think that while I’m struggling with my Quarter Life Crisis and figuring out what to do with myself, at least I am helping out by sharing my stories through Stratejoy.

I may not give the best advice, but I can listen and if you want my opinion I’ll most certainly give it. I’m pretty sure every kind of advice I give should be taken with a grain of salt though, because really I’m still trying to figure out this whole thing called life.

Who has given you the best advice and what was it?

Andrea (new) bio.

photo credit : elthenerd

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Tired of Faking It

posted 20th October 2009    Written by: Kendra    CATEGORY: All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Kendra, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

RainbowEveryone, it seems, has an opinion of how I should be feeling and the word that describes how I should be feeling is ‘better’.

On one level it’s my fault, I am expressing my worries, my frustrations, and there is something in our Oprah-Dr.Phil-Tyra culture that when people express a problem, other people want to step in and fix it.

However, as I told my friend Kaylea the other day after I responded honestly to the question of how I was feeling (sad), I didn’t want to feel better.

Not in that moment. I just wanted to be there, in the moment with my sadness. And I wanted for her and for other people to be ok with it.

The past two years have been emotionally difficult. People who I considered friends proved in one way or the other that they weren’t worthy of my friendship. I’ve moved four times (my own choice) and I find myself feeling both lonely and wary of relying too heavily on friends, of allowing people to get too close because of the events of the past year. I thought I knew what I wanted out of career/life/ love and I had a lot of that upended; I’m still sorting through the wreckage.

I need time and space to heal, the beautiful comfort of routine, physical space to breathe and a break from the day-to-day worries of things like impending student loan bills. It’s space I’m not getting because I don’t really have my own space in my parents’ house, and without the structure of a job, I’m finding it really hard to create a routine.

It’s funny, I used to want nothing more than to be self-employed, and now I want nothing more than a job. Unemployment is isolating, both because it means I lack the weak social interactions that most people get at work, and because so much of socializing in New York involves spending money that I don’t have.

And maybe, maybe, I should be handling it ‘better’, maybe if I had the right attitude/religion/spiritual level of enlightenment I could glide through this period of uncertainty with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

But I’m not that person.

I’m just me, funny, quirky, imperfectly beautiful me. Happy one minute, close to tears the next. And telling me that other people have it ‘worse’ does nothing but add a layer of guilt (and egoism) that I don’t really need right now – I am not a naïf -  I’ve seen starving children with distended bellies, I’ve worked with teenagers who had been so abused by the adults in their life that they found a hug as threatening as a shot gun. And while I have enough clarity to recognize that I have the ability to get myself out of this situation that those people did not, the sort of logic that says one should not feel bad because others have it worse would mean that we wouldn’t take a single step to improving poor performing schools, reducing violent crime rates, or improving nutrition: why does it matter if that person is malnourished when somewhere in the world someone else is starving?

If I had a broken leg people wouldn’t tell me to get up and start dancing; they’d accept that it takes time to heal and even once it healed it would be awhile before I could go for a hike.

Emotionally, this past year I’ve been hurt, and it’s going to be awhile before I can start dancing. I get up, I keep moving, I do what it takes to get me to better, but I’m tired of pretending that I’m there.

Cause I’m not, yet. So please don’t ask me to be.

kendra-bio1

photo credit : zaphgod

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A Different Look at Employee Appreciation Day

posted 19th October 2009    Written by: Robyn    CATEGORY: All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Quarterlife Crisis, Robyn, Season 1

Navy Pier CruiseLast week I attended my company’s dreaded annual Employee Appreciation Day.  Each year, my company closes the office at noon and treats all the employees to a “fun-filled” Friday before the weekend.

Since my office is somewhat anti-social and people tend to stay hidden in their cubicles, there is really no socializing in the office.  For some reason, HR thinks that being outside of the office would get everyone to socialize. Sadly (well, not really), in the past years my fellow co-workers and I would sneak out of the office and ditch the afternoon’s events in exchange for an afternoon off.

Last year I ditched Employee Appreciation Day’s BBQ and kegger because I feared the open mic/karaoke would force me to witness one awkward moment after the next.  I also really didn’t want to see the CEO of my company sing “Don’t Stop Believing” when I could go home and take a nap in appreciation of my employment on my own.

This year, HR got smart.

They knew people had ditched out on the special day in previous years so they decided to check names upon arrival.  Those who were not present were charged a vacation day.  Yikes! I knew I had to attend. And luckily, this year’s Employee Appreciation Day sounded entertaining enough—a lunch cruise around Lake Michigan, leaving from Navy Pier on a semi-sunny day.

Reluctantly, I stood in line to board the cruise with my co-workers.  We made small talk and joked about how the ship would leave the dock in twenty minutes—trapping us all together for two hours on Lake Michigan with no escape unless we wanted to jump overboard.  HR had definitely thought this through.

I ate lunch with a couple others from the marketing team, and I was surprised to hear them joke about taking extra long lunch breaks and hating some of the projects they are asked to do.  I don’t know why I was thinking that I must be the only person who is not thrilled with their job, but it was nice to hear that others were in the same boat. I was worried I was being too restless or setting my expectations too high when it comes to enjoying a career. I actually even secretly despised my co-workers because I felt they were happy with the unchallenging, mindless work they do.  I thought they must be boring, ambitionless people!

For some reason, I bonded with them over how unsatisfied we all were, and it felt great!  My marketing team is now a support team for getting out of the 9 to 5 as well!

The rest of the afternoon, we took advantage of the open bar and laughed as some people had too much to drink and starting dancing with the servers on the ship.  We took photos of the views of the city from the ship’s highest deck.  Before we knew it, the ship was docking, and it was 2:30pm.

I even had time to go back to my place and enjoy a quick nap before heading out for the night.

photo credit: discoverdupage’s

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Operation Celebrate Life

posted 16th October 2009    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Molly, What I've Learned

Operation Celebrate LifeHey lovely sugar pops.   Molly here.  Grab a cup of tea and hunker down for this long post!

I want to try something a little different today, so hang in there.

I want to try being completely transparent, instead of adopting my “I’ve got all my ducks in a row and am incredibly happy and pulled together and that’s why you should listen to what I have to say” blogging expert voice.  I’m not going to give you 5 steps to whatever or present a hot new happiness tip today.  I’m just going to write about my life without worrying about what anyone thinks.

Honestly, I’m a little scared.  But such is life, I suppose.

Like I promised in my pre-vacation post, I did some hard thinking about Stratejoy while lounging on the beach and mopeding around the rice paddies. I thought hard about how I was showing up in the business and how I was living and embracing the “authentic happiness movement”. I came to some conclusions that I need to share with you…

I am on the same journey you are on.  The one called life.  Some days I feel fabulous, like nothing can hold me down. Like I can conquer anything I set my mind and creative talent upon.  Like sunbeams are lighting the path with certainty of success.  Like I am truly kicking ass and taking names.  Like I’ve got it all figured out.

Oh, how I love those days.

On the other hand, some days I feel like shit, like I have failed and I’m flailing about. Like I’m faking you all out, because I definitely don’t have it all together.  Like everyone must know something I don’t.  Like I’ve got nothing to offer and I can’t possibly show up with a smile on for another day.

Those days are hard, and unfortunately, those are the days I’ve been battling lately.

My relationship with the Big Man is struggling as we face the very big messy question of marriage and kids.  We’ve been together for such a long time and share so much love, it’s really hard to question each other and our future together.  He’s been my rock and my support in this last year as I’ve launched Stratejoy in a sinking economy, and I know this business would have been impossible without him.  It’s massively sad to be considering parting ways and completely scary to contemplate being on my own after 4.5 years.

And then there’s Stratejoy.  My baby.  I am enamored with Stratejoy– the coaching, teaching, writing and speaking I’ve been able to do this last year. I believe deeply in the message we’re trying to spread: defining your own success and living life on your terms.  I believe even more deeply in my clients, my “girls” who are out there tackling life and new adventures and true self acceptance.

I know deep down in my gut that all you have to be is be yourself.  That all you can really do is love your life by embracing your quirks, your goals, your strengths, your fears.  That we should all celebrate life and not take things so seriously.  That we should strive to live in the moment, but also chase the big bold dreams.

That we need to remember happiness is an inside job and the journey is the bulk of the fun.  To breathe.  Dance.  Run around barefoot.  Eat peanut butter like it’s going out of style.

I know that that authenticity, listening deeply to hunches and possibilities and being gutsy enough to show up as you are– these are keys to  happiness. That pushing past boundaries, having total faith in your calling, loving hard and fast– these are the stepping stones to fulfillment.  That embracing the messy bits, practicing gratitude, being gentle with yourself– this is the path towards joy.

Meaning is born from the twinges of excitement that you act upon, the ways you give out, the compassion you embrace, the wisdom you seek.

I believe in all of it.  I do.  Stratejoy is my philosophy on life and one I’m trying to embrace every single day***. The events and courses that I offer are my attempts at sharing my philosophy and experience with you in a very real way.

I’m immensely proud of the workshops I’ve created, the community we’ve produced and the online course that has launched.  It’s amazing what you can produce with nothing more than passion and an insatiable hunger to learn, share and change lives.

Too bad all those sexy adjectives don’t pay the bills.

At least right now.

I’ve lasted as long as I possibly can, but I’m now faced with the reality of having to get a “real job”.  Having to job search in this economy is freaking me out something fierce. So unless 100 of you purchase the online course this instant, I’m off to update my resume.

(Um, and that’s not actually why you should purchase the course.  I mean, I would totally appreciate it and love you even more, but you should make the investment because it’s going to change your outlook…  Because it’s going to teach you some pretty incredible things about your self and your true desires…  But that’s a whole separate blog post!)

This post wasn’t meant to scare any of you, I just felt like I really needed to be honest with what’s going on in my own life because you all share so much with me. It’s life, right?  It’s a journey and we’ve got to accept all the different stops along the way.

And don’t worry– Stratejoy’s not going anywhere.  I believe too strongly that with the right set of magical factors, it’s going to explode into the success I know it can be. We’re offering something that women need- camaraderie, inspiration, accountability, clarity.  We’re having fun, laughing loudly and dancing in our seats while we explore our definition of success.  We’re having honest conversations, learning how to listen to our intuition, and building up faith in ourselves and our abilities.

We’re learning to change what we can and graciously accept what we can’t.

And that’s something that we all need, myself included.

***This image is the first page in my new journal/sketchbook that I’ll be sharing with you: Operation Celebrate Life.   I have no idea what it will turn into, but it’s part of my attempt at some seriously self care and discovery this year.

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