The Results of Restlessness

posted 1st October 2009    Written by: Marisa    CATEGORY: All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Marisa, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 1

raining in portlandI’ve been getting more restless lately.  This has resulted in more random project purchases from Jo-Ann Fabrics and Mill End Fabrics.  I enjoy how they recognize me now every time I stop by… Might be a not be a good thing–but hey, it’s still nice every time.

I’ve been restless. Restless with some parts of my life not changing (ie. finding steady employment that doesn’t involve being a mascot of any sort) and restless with the fact that summer is winding down.  Fall is right around the corner and even though it’s fantastically beautiful over here in Portland, the rain has been sneaking a couple punches here and there.

The rain itself is more beautiful than anything I experienced while growing up in Reno.  I didn’t enjoy the dry dirty heat every summer and the intense snow and cold in the winter; I’m done with the extreme weathers.  In the Northwest the rain cultivates creativity, at least for me.  I feel more at home when it’s damp, rainy and cloudy.

It’s definitely not for everyone.

This restlessness has now consumed part of my night.  I’ve never been the good sleeper.  As a child I remember staying up for days and nights, never feeling sleepy or if I did, it wasn’t until the wee hours of the morning.  I’ve been a life long insomniac.  Needless to say, being unemployed hasn’t really helped this condition.  I’ve been anxious more so than usual.

This unemployment insurance extension has alleviated some worry, but still, this assistance will come to an end.  And I know I have no control over it really.  I’ve been applying and applying to everything and anything and still nothing.  It’s really frustrating to not even be considered for jobs that would have been a slam-dunk after graduation.

That was four years ago, wow…  And I know things are completely different now, but still.  Here’s the restlessness.  Back again.

One way to combat this pesky annoyance has been to volunteer. I’m volunteering for the upcoming Musicfest Northwest.  It’s taking placing all over Portland venues with bands from all over the country, also including many locals.  It’s usually a fun five days.  This is my third year going but first time volunteering.  I’m very interested to see how things will be on the inside versus the outside as an attendee.  I’ve got outfits planned, I’ve got events planned, and I’ve even got lipstick planned.  I’m dead serious about next week.

Restlessness be damned.  It sucks to have it, don’t get me wrong, but seriously, fuck it.  I’ll just volunteer more. Maybe at the humane society or the art museum or the food bank.  Hmmm… Yeah, that’s it.  This will work.

And maybe a tattoo too.  Yeah, that’s right, a tattoo.  I’ve already picked out the artwork; it’s awesome and unique, and I can pretty much guarantee that no one else has it.  It will be my first and most likely my last, but it’s totally going to happen.

Restlessness.  It’s going to push me to do things, and perhaps that’s what I’ve been waiting for or needing to do.  So maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe it’s how I view it and take control of it and use it.

And next week will be good, regardless. Music, boys, music, and much more.

marisa-bio1

photo credit: thespeak

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Comments (1)

One Response to “The Results of Restlessness”

  • Kendra Says:
    October 1st, 2009 at 11:38 am

    I’ve been volunteering too and I’ve found it helpful, if nothing else but to get the crazy montage of the past to stop playing. Also to meet new people :)

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