All You Need is Trust

posted 8th February 2010    Written by: Kelly    CATEGORY: All Posts, Kelly, Love, Season 2

The Beatles almost had it right. ;)

I would probably have asked Mr. Lennon to add another keyword … that word being “Trust” – All You Need Is Love and Trust.

Let me start at the beginning …

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life – I’ll be the first to admit it.

In one past serious relationship I was put through emotional, sexual and physical abuse.  I allowed someone to hold a sort of power over me … and it made me someone I wasn’t proud of.

I felt no self-confidence or self worth.  Everything in my world revolved around this person.  Not only was he aware of it; he took advantage of it.

Over the years, I worked hard to overcome that phase in my life.  I had to commit to learning about who I was, who I want to be, how to get there and what makes me happy.  To get through the past, I’ve had to focus on my current decisions.

The decisions that I now have control over.

The majority of the time, I am able to forget that piece of my past; I don’t like seeing that broken little girl.

Now, here I am in a new relationship.  After knowing each other for less than a month, I moved to San Antonio!  We both agreed that given the fast moving pace of our relationship, it was absolutely essential we dedicate to complete transparency.

This promise to each other didn’t just include the present; it included the past … for me, a past very difficult to come to terms with.

This is where the trust comes in.

What I realized very quickly into the process of disclosure was that I was prone to avoiding the details of my past by gently brushing reality with small lies that made it easier to deal with and communicate. While I know the truth of my past, I had never felt the need to disclose everything to another individual.  I found myself suddenly in a situation where the need for full disclosure was real.

As I went through the process, I realized that in order for someone to know me … really know me … they needed to understand the whole story – the context of my past and how that impacts my present outlook.

Owning up to my past has been an eye opening experience for me.  It’s led me down a number of enlightening paths and to realizations that I had never before discovered.  With a loving partner by my side, and with his same level of commitment, we were able to deconstruct, rebuild and truly open our eyes to how the past has led us to today.

This process required a level of commitment I had never previously experienced.

Had these hard conversations never taken place; who’s to know when and how the past would have manifested itself in my current relationship.  How could he have understood if I had never committed to helping him understand – and vice-versa? Instead, armed with the truth and understanding, we have the opportunity to deal with reality and aim for all the happiness that our path has to offer.

The truth hurts.  Knowing I have someone by my side that loves me, the true and complete me … past mistakes and all … makes it much easier to bear.

This new chapter in my life moves forward with a new found commitment to honesty and transparency with my partner.  It didn’t happen overnight and I know that it will require work going forward.

The love part was easy… that came in a heartbeat!  Trust is what I’ve had to work on and what I plan to keep central to my relationship – it won’t always be easy, but it will always be all I need!

What have you done to strengthen your relationship?  Any best practices?

Photo Credit: delgaudm

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5 Responses to “All You Need is Trust”

  • Katie Says:
    February 8th, 2010 at 10:06 am

    I think this is why a lot of relationships fail – when you’re not your total and complete self, how can you expect someone to love all of you? This is when people begin to feel misunderstood and that the “other person just doesn’t get them”. Well, they would if you put yourself out there.

    Easier said than done, clearly. However, we’re all guilty of sugar coating, or omission, and that doesn’t do us any good. In the moment, we avoid grief and reliving the past, but in the long run, we end up being hurt.

    Well done, Kelly! :)

  • April Says:
    February 8th, 2010 at 10:22 am

    So this slapped me right in the face today. Great way to look at everything and congrats to you for being honest and for finding someone to be honest with in your life.

  • Kate Says:
    February 8th, 2010 at 10:30 am

    Five years ago, when I had just ended an abusive relationship and spent way too much of my time blaming myself, someone gave me spoke some wise words: “You can’t expect someone else to love you, if you can’t love yourself.”

    I’m glad you are finding what you need in this new relationship and in this new chapter in life. It’s just a small step to loving yourself.

  • Heather Rae Says:
    February 8th, 2010 at 11:03 am

    Your honesty in this post is so refreshing. I think what you wrote about trust, openness and honesty is so, so important. I have worked SO hard in my relationship to do the same thing – it is definitely hard work, but it keeps us growing together instead of apart. Great post!

  • Lisa Rosendahl Says:
    February 8th, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    An amazing post Kelly. You’ve created something wonderful in your life and I know you’ve only just begun.

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