Can I Have the Last 24 Years Back?

posted 2nd February 2010    Written by: Nicole Antoinette    CATEGORY: All Posts, Nicole Antoinette, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2, What I've Learned

INTRODUCING NICOLE ANTOINETTE

No one told me my Quarterlife Crisis would come with so much tequila.

I grew up on the move – Los Angeles, NYC, London, back to Los Angeles, back to NYC, back to Los Angeles. A whirlwind coming of age tour in the world’s cosmopolitan wonderland.

I did everything right. Aced high school, worked part time, rocked the extra curriculars, got into NYU, aced NYU (while still working and still rocking the extra curriculars), fell in love, fell out of love, made friends, lost friends, lived the life I had always been told I was supposed to live, graduated (a year early) with $50,000 in debt and a piece of paper that claimed I was summa cum awesome.

And then I cried.

Because I was 21 years old, in possession of one of the best educations student loans can buy, and all I had to show for it was a box of theme party costumes and a big fat hole where my life plan should have been.

The three years between then and now were filled with a lot of shenanigans- emotional, sexual, career wise and the like. I ran a children’s day camp for five summers, helped start a create-your-own cookie shop, worked an inhumane amount of hours, moved around a lot, broke two hearts, made a bucket full of bad decisions, came crashing into the reality of my mood disorder, started a blog, started therapy, and finally realized that the things I loved about my life didn’t outweigh the things that made me want to burrow into the ground and hide.

And then all of the sudden it was August 26, 2009 and I found myself quitting everything to live the life of a professional nomad, traveling around the country, crashing on couches, and trying to answer the big question:

What is authentic happiness and how can I start taking regular intravenous doses of it?

Three months went by; three months of seeing new things and meeting new people, three months of not having a routine, not having stability, and not having a definitive source of income or a guaranteed place to do laundry. The new things were great, the new people even better, but after three months I realized that life at the other end of the super-Type-A spectrum kind of sucks.

So it was back to Arizona, back to my parents’ house, back to slow cooked meals and late night talks with my mom about what, you know, the hell I was going to do with my life.

That was four weeks ago, but in the context of my story it feels like another lifetime. Four weeks ago, I woke up, realized that no one was going to hand me the life that I wanted, got in my car, drove to San Francisco, checked into a hostel, and jumped into the freshest of fresh starts, the kind where there is no backup plan and it’s time to fight like your life depends on it, because it does.

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Comments (10)

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10 Responses to “Can I Have the Last 24 Years Back?”

  • Phil Villarreal Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 10:45 am

    Writing amazing posts like that because it’s getting annoying having
    to stop whatever I’m doing and gush about it. Day. Yamn. Nicole Antoinette Renaissance 4eva!

  • cliquekaila Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 11:13 am

    Right there with you girl. Kudos to you for picking up and moving to a new city and getting on track to live life. I’m excited to start reading your blog over at NicoleIsBetter.com and the series here about your quarter life crisis. In the midst of my own quite frankly!

  • samdotcom Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 11:26 am

    Yes! Yes! Yes! I’ve been anxiously awaiting this. And am already stoked to read next week.

    I love Nicole. And her adventures. And the fact that she plays by her own (stellar-crazy-awesome) rules.

  • mizChartreuse Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 11:27 am

    Cute. And true.

    This happens to all of us, ESPECIALLY our generation. It seems fewer of us 20-something-recent-grads are becoming content with the status quo of high school, college, climb the corporate ladder.

    And in some respects, I find that linear path to “success” isn’t as relevant anymore.

    I’m in a similar place, and have reinvented myself and my purpose countless times since I turned 18. Writing about it and making jokes about life is sometimes the best way to deal with it.

  • Jeanna Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 11:47 am

    Yay! Welcome Nicole. Molly is great – and so is Stratejoy!
    -Jeanna, and the rest of the Girl Power Hour team.

  • JR Moreau Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    Let the kickassery begin.

  • April Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    I feel like a bit of a stalker now, but I follow this site and I was beyond excited when I saw you would be one of the new writers. You continue to inspire my dear, not matter where your physical location may be today. Great post and I look forward to great things!

  • erin Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    I sure could use a healthy dose of your courage, lady. You’ve got guts! I like it! Can’t wait to read more!

  • nicole antoinette Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    Thanks for all of the fantastically fantastical support everyone! I’m thrilled to be on the Stratejoy blogging team for the next few months – wee!

  • Doniree Says:
    February 4th, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    I don’t really understand how you summed up EVERYTHING in just a few short paragraphs, but you’re awesome. I love your fresh start.

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