Coming Full Circle (My Childhood Definition of Success)

posted 17th February 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: All Posts, Heather Rae, Season 2, What I've Learned

When I was a kid and people asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, I answered with whatever I thought was fun at the moment.  I went from wanting to be a ballerina to a soap opera actress to a fashion designer to an architect.

I had a lot of interests.

Then sometime in high school, things changed.

I would think about my future career and had this vague notion of what the work would be, but what I really thought about was what I would get from it – a corner office, tailored suits, a nice car, prestige.

I was taught that fun and pleasure seeking were somehow synonymous with being being irresponsible or immature. Plus, that’s right about the time I realized just how poor my family was.  I became somewhat obsessed with the idea of doing better than my parents when it came to finances.  I didn’t want to stress over paying the mortgage.  I didn’t want to stress over putting gas in the car.  I didn’t’ want to stress over buying groceries.

And so my focus changed – I stopped thinking about having fun, and I started thinking about making money.

I think this was where I began to lose myself.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with making money.  We all need it to some extent, and feeling comfortable with your ability to pay the bills certainly helps to put your mind at ease.

Studies have shown that once you reach a certain level of income, everything else is just cake.  At that point, your happiness is due to other factors and has little to do with money.  And that level of income – it’s not that much. Really, it’s just enough to live modestly without stressing about paying the bills.

I’ve come to realize just how true this is.  Since finishing grad school, I’ve had two jobs.  The first was an exceptionally well paid position with a local nonprofit.  I know, sounds like an oxymoron – how can one work at a non-profit and be exceptionally well paid?  It turned out they were paying for my sanity, as they had every intention of taking it. Looking back, I credit that job with teaching me that money isn’t everything.

I decided I’d rather make less money working somewhere that didn’t provide a straight jacket as part of the uniform.

And that’s where my last job came in.  I worked at a great university that was a five minute drive from my house.  I purposely sought a position that, although didn’t seem the most exciting, wouldn’t stress me out.  The pay was okay and came with the added perks of being able to bike to work and go home for lunch.

In short, I picked a job that would allow me to have a life. And, as far as sanity goes, it was a better choice.  The only problem – it really was boring.  Looking back, I credit that job with teaching me that I really do want to stretch my mind and be challenged in my work.

And so, in the five years since finishing grad school, I have slowly come full circle.

In a way, I’ve felt myself becoming a kid again – seeking a life that is filled with fun and endless possibilities.

I’ve realized that money truly is not everything – that the ability to buy designer clothes, purchase a large house and drive nice cars has absolutely nothing to do with happiness.

For me, happiness has more to do with fulfillment on a personal level.  It has to do with finding work that is meaningful to me, taking part in activities that align with my own values and building lasting relationships with other people.

I want my life to be full of creativity, adventure, friendship and love.

And that’s what this next phase is all about – seeking personal fulfillment.

The idea that happiness comes from material success?  I dumped that with yesterday’s trash, right where it belongs.

Bookmark and Share
Comments (12)

12 Responses to “Coming Full Circle (My Childhood Definition of Success)”

  • Elizabeth Says:
    February 17th, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    I think today, so many movies glamorize the "professional woman", with her pantsuits and lattes and overworking. Now that I have that lifestyle, I realize that I have no idea what I really enjoy doing! (But I know it's not sitting in a cubicle all day.)

  • Eran Says:
    February 17th, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    I seriously think we might be the same person :) Hooray for seeking personal fulfillment!

  • Anne Devine Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 2:00 am

    Heather, that picture is so great! I look forward to Wednesdays to read your new posts. :)

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 3:49 am

    "You do what you know how to do, and when you know more, you do more." Okay, I'm totally butchering that Maya A quote- but it speaks to me because you can't blame yourself for past decisions made.

    You did what you knew how to do!

    And now? Now you've gained some life experience, you've gained some clarity. And you're taking action. So exciting!

  • Heather Rae Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 5:18 am

    SO true – I was definitely taken in by the Hollywood ideal of that perfect woman. Not anymore though – I think the perfect woman is whatever is perfect for each of us. It took me a long time to figure out what I actually do enjoy, but it was well worth the effort. I know you'll figure it out too! (and I look forward to hearing what that is!)

  • Heather Rae Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 5:34 am

    You might be right. :) I've read your blog – love it! Cheers to our exciting adventures to come!

  • Heather Rae Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 5:35 am

    SO true – love that quote. Thank you!

  • Heather Rae Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 5:37 am

    Thank you, Anne! Now I just want to know where that fabulous tan I used to have went!

  • Kim Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    Love this post Heather – definitely agree with you. I haven't been out of University as long (almost 2 years) but in that time I've worked two jobs that were very different and I've definitely learned what I want and don't want from a job. I've always known that I would rather love what I do than make a ton of money, but this has been reassured with my experiences the past two years. That being said, I do feel that being financially "comfortable" (which I would define as having enough to pay the bills on time, and having a bit left over to enjoy) does make one happier because it equals less stress. However, as you said, any money beyond that level is not necessary. And I think it changes people, makes them into different people, and you lose sight of what's important in life. Hear hear!

  • Ally B Says:
    February 19th, 2010 at 12:23 am

    LOVE THIS. Yes… yes yes yes. That is all.

  • Lis Carpenter Says:
    February 22nd, 2010 at 3:54 am

    Agh! Our stories are almost parallel. I have become obsessed with making more than my parents do because they complain over the bills all the time. I don't know what graduate school means to me, but I'm getting a degree just because I think it will help me make more money.

  • Heather Rae Says:
    February 23rd, 2010 at 9:44 pm

    I know what you mean – it was tough growing up hearing my parents worry about money all the time. Part of the reason I went to college and then grad school was because I thought that would solve any potential money problems. It didn't exactly do that (especially since I'm not working in the same field now) – but I can definitely say that no matter what, I wouldn't give up my education for the world. It's given me a whole new confidence about life and about myself. I consider myself lucky for having had the opportunity – no regrets! :)

Leave a Reply

name*


email* (will not be published)


website


comments