Letter To My Younger Self

posted 23rd February 2010    Written by: Nicole Antoinette    CATEGORY: All Posts, Nicole Antoinette, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2, What I've Learned

Dear 8th Grade Nicole Antoinette:

First and foremost, enjoy your last year living in London.  You don’t know this yet, but you’re going to be moving back to the states next summer and it’s going to be a really difficult adjustment.

With that said, keep in mind that the adjustment will be easier if you don’t spend the entire summer hiding in your new house making collages because you’re too intimidated by how skinny and blonde everyone is in California.

The first friends you meet in California will not be good or true friends, but don’t worry, halfway through Junior year in high school you’ll meet amazing people and they’ll make the trauma of an across-the-Atlantic-ocean move worth it.  Appreciate these friends, but don’t get quite so cliquey.

Which is to say that maybe referring to yourselves as “the Cool 6” out loud and in public isn’t the best way to go.

Let’s see, what else? Oh, right, when that cute guy tries to pick you up on the street at the church carwash, don’t give him your number.  He will ruin a large part of your life.

Stop saying “like” so much.

Keep a journal, and when you’re writing in it, try to write about things other than boys.  Write about your family and your friendships, write about your goals and your fears.  Try not to be shallow.

You are not fat. No, really, you’re not. No, not even a little bit.

Be a little more open minded about colleges.  Yes, NYU is great, but other schools are great too and are worth looking at without the “I don’t care because if I don’t go to NYU I’m going to die” blinders on.

Don’t drink mass quantities of vodka and cranberry juice on an empty stomach when Marc is house sitting.  You have only drank twice before and have no idea how to hold your liquor. Purple vomit isn’t pretty. Your friends cleaning up your purple vomit is even less pretty. Eat a sandwich and have a beer instead.

Apply for more scholarships. Repaying your student loans is such a heinous and financially debilitating suckfest and it will eat up a huge portion of your income from after you graduate college until forever.

Push yourself.  Break that awful habit you have of immediately quitting/giving up on things that you aren’t instantly and naturally good at.

Be more compassionate of your mom when she’s hospitalized.

Don’t buy so many shirts from Abercrombie & Fitch with tongue-in-cheek sexual sayings on them.  A reference to water polo girls “doing it better in the water” isn’t cute on a 16 year old.  Actually, this shirt isn’t cute on anyone. You don’t even play water polo. You don’t even know how to play water polo.

And you look like a slut. So yeah, cut that shit out.

Work on not taking everything so seriously. I know you have never been good at moderation (I hate to tell you that unfortunately, this doesn’t change, you simply become more aware of the problem and discuss it endlessly with your therapist), but try.  Not everything is the be-all-end-all of your existence.

Take more pictures.

Do not allow yourself to get dragged into the mess between your parents.  When your mom tries to overshare about it, tell her that although you love her, you want to preserve your mother-daughter relationship.  Tell her you love your father and that you feel she’s crossing the line.  The payoff from this will outweigh every other piece of advice I could give you.

And, lastly, I want you to know two things: that you’re responsible for your own happiness, and that the things you think are earth shatteringly important usually aren’t.

The best and most important moments are those that happen on the sidelines, on the fuzzy edges of everything else.

Love,

Nicole, age 24

photo credit: lowjumpingfrog

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Comments (12)

12 Responses to “Letter To My Younger Self”

  • Eran Says:
    February 23rd, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    I love your writing Nicole! (I follow your blog as well) This is so honest, compassionate and frank – definitely parts I could 100% relate to (the drinking, the "tongue-in-cheek" t-shirts, the parents…). I think you've just inspired me to write my own letter :)

  • Jamie Says:
    February 23rd, 2010 at 11:31 pm

    "Take more pictures."

    WE STILL SUCK AT THIS.

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 12:26 am

    You're so sweet Eran! And yes, do it, write your own letter! I'm thinking that I want to write one to my future self next. Sort of a "please tell me you're not still drinking two dollar wine and avoiding doing your taxes" type of thing.

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 12:27 am

    I definitely believe it was always worth learning the lesson, but sometimes I find myself wishing that I could take other people's verbal advice at face value. Like, do I *really* have to go through everything myself and learn the hard way? Maybe so.

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 12:50 am

    I KNOW WHAT THE HELL LET'S DO BETTER FROM NOW ON AND I'LL MAKE YOU A SCRAPBOOK

  • Josef Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    This could be a post on your regular site but I guess you are spreading the talent. I don't normally click to links but I'm glad I did for this. You should also tell younger Nicole that sometimes the failure of things makes us the cool human being that we become…wait never mind, I think she may already know that….

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    Write it! And then post it on your blog!

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    The real question is what the letter from my 34 year old self to my 24 year old self will sound like… hmm…

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    She does already know that :) And thanks for the sweet words, seriously. You're pretty much my biggest fan.

  • Ellyn Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    You guys might like If I'd Known Then: Women in Their 20s and 30s Write Letters To Their Younger Selves. It's the second of the book series I created working with famous women on letters to their younger selves. New one (What I Know Now About Success) is coming out in late April with Barbara Walters, Kate Spade, Paula Deen, Soledad O'Brien, Diane Von Furstenberg and other great women's letters to themselves in it! Ellyn Spragins

  • Doniree Says:
    February 24th, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    Make me a scrapbook? After we do more things together to take more pictures of, of course. (PS, I love you)

  • Megan Says:
    May 8th, 2010 at 10:52 pm

    I can relate to literally everything that you wrote. Amazing.

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