Don’t Play it Safe. Be Bold.

posted 5th March 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Molly

Do you want to play it safe?

“Research on the attributes that we associate with “being feminine” tells us that the most important qualities for women are: thin, nice, pretty. If you want to play it totally safe, you have to be willing to stay as small, quiet, and attractive as possible. “ -Brene Brown

I do not want to live my life playing it safe.  I don’t want to rest in conventional, content to rush about in a daze, checking errands off my to do list, putting in facetime where required, doing all the things expected of me.

Getting by, by giving up on life, is not my style.

Ladies, safe is not the new black.  I don’t want you to play it safe.

When we get too used to playing it safe–being small, quiet and attractive–we forget what it’s like to be out in the world, unencumbered and earnest.  We forget what it’s like to beat on our chest with a Tarzan yell and declare, “Today’s the day to break the rules!  To climb trees, write a poem, eat cherries, to live today as if it’s all I’ve got!”

To play is safe requires us to forget that we are overflowing with a unique life force.  Overflowing with dreams, and hopes, and an incredible capacity to love. It requires us to make our adventures and goals fit within society’s ruler of acceptable.

Playing safe takes away our opportunity to carve our place in the world. There’s a cosmic space that belongs only to us– it’s our unique contribution to the world– and safe doesn’t allow us to paint it with rainbows, to sing at the top of our lungs, to make millions in the service of others, to dance naked, or to take pride in our quirks.

Safe keeps those differences, those shimmering contributions, from ever emerging.

Safe makes us afraid to be big, bold, and unique.  Safe makes us forget what that would even look like.

Which leads me to this…

How Not to Play it Safe

We are a generation of educated, gutsy women who are capable of so many incredible contributions (from raising amazing children to creating art, from making a difference in our communities to starting businesses, from exploring the world to inspiring others) yet we spend so much of our energy on our outer appearance.

We don’t feel good enough unless we “look good enough.” And “looking good” requires being thin, stylish, pretty, and pulled together.  All of the time.  And seemingly without effort.

Reality check?  This is impossible.

Stop letting your outer appearance dictate how your feel about yourself, your life.  Stop striving for thin as if it’s the answer to everything.  Stop trying to fit in with whatever pretty happens to equal this year.

Be Big.  Be Unique.  Be YOU.

Strive for healthy, for strong, for capable. Love your body by fueling it properly and moving it and adorning it with fashion you love.   Celebrate your unique beauty, the bloodlines that connect you to each and every gorgeous woman in your family.

Deck yourself in sequins, in pinstriped suits, in cowboy boots, in sundresses, in rock tee-shirts—whatever it is that tickles your fancy. Dress for the woman you are, not the one you’re pretending to be.

Honor your reality.  Practice loving you, as is.

As far as being nice goes…  I’m all for kind, for loving, for rose-colored glasses and solving problems with honey.  But when nice starts equaling quiet, safe, small—it’s time to break out the bold.

You’re a woman.  You’ve got an opinion, a unique take on the world.  Make sure it’s heard.

Don’t play it safe.

You’re hurting yourself and those around you by agreeing with something that makes you want to pull your hair out.  You’re disrespecting yourself by constantly grinning and bearing it.  You’re giving up your power by biting your tongue.

There’s a time to be nice.  There’s a time to get your sass on.  There’s time to stand up for yourself no matter what the cost.  There’s even a time to pull the bitch card.

Don’t be afraid.  Be Bold.

Parting Words?

You are a woman, thin or thick, small or big.  You are a woman, pretty or unusual, attractive or unique.  You are a woman, nice or sassy, quiet or bold.

Wherever you fall on the spectrum, ladies, don’t play it safe.

This is your life.  Live it with all the guts, glory, and bravado you can muster.

Dive in.  Make it Count.

And don’t worry–you’re not alone.  I promise you, I’m doing the same.

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Comments (9)

9 Responses to “Don’t Play it Safe. Be Bold.”

  • Katie Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    What a fabulous way to start a Friday, wonderfully put, Miss Molly! I think we all need to hear this. It's one thing to try and tell yourself this kind of thing, but if you don't yet have that trusting relationship with yourself, then it's hard to believe it. But coming from you, someone happy, someone awesome, someone lovely, it makes sense. And it means something.

  • rachel Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    taking chances and not playing it save? CHANGED MY LIFE. all of this is so very true. make it count ladies <3

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    The more you try believing it- every single day- the easier it will get…. Thanks KC!

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Same. Same. I can't even imagine going back to my old routine of playing it safe by doing what was expected of me. It's still a challenge and I find my self "justifying" my life choices, but when it comes down to it– I love my life the way it is, unconventional and all… Glad you feel the same Rachel!

  • Eran Says:
    March 9th, 2010 at 2:47 am

    very inspiring post Molly! I felt like I could actually hear you speaking – I love posts like that :) While there are days that I love to know that I look "good" – put together, well-dressed, great hair etc – I also get a huge amount of satisfaction out of leaving the house in my pj's, with no make-up and just as ME. Both images are part of who I am, but I love that I can have both sides and be equally comfortable with each of them :)

  • Jen Says:
    March 10th, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    Just stumbled across your blog.. You have an amazing way with words. This is a very inspirational post, thank you!! I will be following you now : ]

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    March 11th, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    And thank you Jen! That is such a nice compliment. Don't be a stranger!

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    March 11th, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    Ditto, girl, ditto.

  • Rebecca Says:
    June 22nd, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    "Strive for healthy, for strong, for capable. Love your body by fueling it properly and moving it and adorning it with fashion you love. Celebrate your unique beauty, the bloodlines that connect you to each and every gorgeous woman in your family." Yep, yep, yep!

    Oh, Molly! I am so beyond thrilled we get to share space in San Diego soon. Love how you think, your heart and mission. I look forward to meeting you in person.

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