Overcoming Fear and Doing What You Want to Do

posted 10th March 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: All Posts, Heather Rae, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

I’m a worrier.  I worry about everything.  Really.

Tell me you have a dentist appointment next Tuesday at 2PM, and I’ll worry about it for you.  Who knows what would happen if I didn’t take on this duty? I wouldn’t want you to miss your appointment or anything.

So, as I think of my greatest challenge on this journey of mine, I could easily say that it’s my worrying.  Seriously, I’ve got to find a way to stop it already.

Of course, if I said that, I’d know it wasn’t true.  Well, not entirely.  Let me dig a little deeper.

What’s got me so anxious all the time?  Like — why does it matter if the bed isn’t made to my exact specifications each morning, if my bank account drops below some mythical minimum, if I’m not absolutely-exactly-precisely perfect at everything I do?  I could go on.  Perhaps I could impress you with my single handed ability to turn a tiny pebble into a boulder.

But I digress.  What I’m trying to get at is — why is it that I worry so much about everything?

And here’s where I get really honest with you.  This is the root of the root:  FEAR.

I don’t worry because it’s fun.  Or because it’s something to do and I’m just so incredibly bored that I need something useless to take up my time.  I worry because I’m afraid.  I’m afraid of failing.

With that confession, I’m not sure what else to say.  It’s one thing to pin-point the problem.  It’s an entirely different beast to actually do something about it.

And here’s the thing about fear.  It’s hard to overcome.

I think the best advice I can give myself, or anyone else for that matter, is simply to act.  Don’t let fear stop you from taking action, from doing what you most love, from doing what you dream about.

Take a deep breath, and look that fear in the eyes.  Tell your fear that it doesn’t win — not this time.  Then do exactly what it is you want, even though you’re afraid.

The only way I’ve ever succeeded at dealing with fear is by facing it.  Facing my fear doesn’t take the fear away.  It doesn’t magically make me confident or make me believe in my own unending powers. (Oh, how I wish it did.)  It does, however, help me to realize that fear should not be debilitating.

It helps me to see that I can do what I want and even be successful, in spite of fear.

Overcoming fear to experience a success, no matter how tiny, increases your self efficacy — your belief in yourself and your ability to accomplish the things you want.  The more you believe in yourself, the more you’ll be willing to face those fears, to take chances on the things that matter most to you.

So in the spirit overcoming fear, here’s my mantra for the week:

  1. In spite of fear, I choose to be authentically me.
  2. In spite of fear, I choose to share my writing with the world.
  3. In spite of fear, I choose to book that month-long, solo trip to Peru.
  4. In spite of fear, I choose to love.

What do you choose to do, in spite of fear?

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Comments (6)

6 Responses to “Overcoming Fear and Doing What You Want to Do”

  • Katie Says:
    March 10th, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    Perfect, Heather. I think we all have that little worry bug in us, and only some of us care enough to keep it under control without it affecting our lives. That being said, despite fear, I'm going to live my happiest life according to MY TERMS, despite what anyone else thinks, says or feels.

  • Ally B Says:
    March 10th, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    I really needed to read this today. I've been anxious my whole life (and was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder when I was 17), and it's horrible. Tonight I'm going to a strangers house for a new book club and I don't know a single person there, and I'm freaking out. What if I'm the first one that gets there? What if I'm the last one that gets there? What if I get lost and never get there? What if they're all friends and I'm just sitting there chewing my nails and they start to refer to me as "that girl"? I *know* it will be okay, but I can't convince my brain and body to accept that… So thank you. I'm going, and I'm facing my fear. I know I'll be better because of it.

  • Heather Rae Says:
    March 10th, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    Ally, I can really relate to that. Whenever I decide to try something new (like join a new writing group or take a new dance class) I get really excited – but then it gets close, and I totally freak out. And usually all the worry is for nothing because once I get myself there, I have a really good time. I think it's great that you're joining a new book club! I hope that you have an awesome time tonight!

  • Heather Rae Says:
    March 10th, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    Agreed! I'm working hard to live life on my terms now (and so glad to hear you are too). In the end, I think we'll be much happier that way! :)

  • AndreaGenevieve Says:
    March 11th, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    Heather,
    I read your post and all I have to say "I'm with you!" I have generalized anxiety that I have been trying to control sans meds via therapy for about 2 years now and everyday there are still those little things that nag me in the back of my head that I worry about too. I have no idea where these fears come from and I'm still working on figuring that out and practicing more self-awareness to help me get to the root of the problem. But, I did want to say that I'm really proud of you for admitting you are afraid of failing… I am too.. In every aspect of my life and that's a super hard thing to admit-so good for you!
    I love love love your mantra's, especially the one about the solo trip. I myself went on a solo trip last October and trust me you will be the most fearful you have ever been in your LIFE before you go but when you come back you will at least know you have stared that fear in the face and lived! I predict you will have an amazing time and wish you luck on the adventure- I'm jealous!

    I also wanted to share my mantra, since we are in a sharing mood- which is usually something along the lines of: "Its OK- everything in the end will be OK"

    Love your posts! Everything will be OK- trust me =)

    ~Andrea

  • Lizzie Says:
    March 11th, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    I love your posts Heather – everytime I read one its like you've plucked the thought right out of my head! I love reading the comments too – Its really comforting to see how many people out there are just like me!

    To answer your question – In spite fo fear I choose to sing!!!

    I have never had any confidence in myself or my ability to sing but since I left University I've flitted around admin jobs that I hate so I decided to start doing things I enjoy. I started singing lessons and I joined a choir – Safe to say I've never been more terrified in my life! I cant believe in the last year how much my confidence has grown – its amazing the impact singing can have on you! I've decided to change directions completely in my life and I've just been accepted onto a masters programme for music and education so I can learn how to teach singing and take choirs! I'm so scared I'm going to be rubbish at it but at some point you've just got to do what you want right? otherwise whats the point! I find now though that, since I've started doing things I want, the fear is becoming mucheasier to manage and its even starting to be replaced by excitement and hope. I've been inspired by Stratejoy actually I might even start a blog and keep track of my own journey through my quarterlife crisis!

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