Following My Heart, or the Benefits of Being Selfish

posted 4th March 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Katie, Season 2, Tips & Tools, Travel

I’m breaking the news to my family and friends of my move gradually.

Did I tell you guys yet? No? Oh, well, I’m moving.

If you did know this already, and you’re thinking “Yeah, Katie, we know you’re moving in February 2011″– you’re only half right. I’m moving, but much sooner than expected. Much sooner as in, within 2 months.

You could say, I’m following my heart.

Some of my friends are relatively happy about it. The majority are experiencing nothing short of surprise in epic proportions. To most of my friends I’ve become known as the girl who has big ideas, makes big plans,  but does nothing with them.

I’m really good at starting things. From spring cleaning, to a new life direction, to journals, I’ve developed a certain level of appreciation for starting things fresh and new. It’s my own personal way of alleviating past mistakes and starting with a clean slate.

However great I am at beginning, I lack the follow-through necessary to create lasting experiences. No matter how good it feels to start things, they only remain “brand new” for so long until it feels old, used, and no longer worth dedicating time to. Even during the duration of the Joy Equation, I had a very difficult time committing time to myself everyday to do self-discovery. As I mentioned before, I expected myself to fail, and it was starting to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Because of this unfortunate habit of mine, no one really believes that I’m moving.

Even more, they believe that they can simply offer me an alternative solution that will keep me in my home state forever. How convenient for them, but really it’s an open invitation for me to not follow through on yet another set of plans.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say that their ideas weren’t tempting:

“Move in with me!”

“Move in with your aunt!”

“Just grin and bear it!”

Yes, they all sound like perfectly great ways to stand still for the rest of my life. I’ve realized that I don’t want to stand still anymore. I want to move – not only in physical location, but emotionally, mentally, and in any other way one can move; that is, in every way but backwards.

I’m leaving a lot behind in New Jersey. my family, my friends, my car, my apartment, my life. In following my heart, I’m leaving it all behind to start fresh. One of my friends got very emotional when I told him that I was moving. “Why are you being so selfish?” he said. I was speechless and really gave his accusation some thought.

Was I being selfish?  Should I be thinking more about my family and friends and their needs?

Like any awesome Generation-Y person, I instantly Googled “Selfish” prepared for some slap in the face definition that would make me realize that I was wrong, and that my true destination shouldn’t be miles away. I found this:

selfish -\ˈsel-fish\ Holding one’s self-interest as the standard for decision making.

That just solidified my decision. Shouldn’t we all be a little selfish? Try it, you just might like it.

As many of us tend to do, I’ve lived a majority of my life attempting to please others. I’m a people pleaser, which tends to be my biggest appeal and my biggest downfall. After twenty-five years of putting other’s needs and wants before mine, I want to give myself a chance. My heart has been on the backburner for such a long time, it’s just begging to be able to do what it wants to do for once.

For the first time, I’m going to listen.

One of my most difficult parts of the Joy Equation for me was the realization that I was not able to remember the last time I felt happy. I wasn’t able to answer the simple question of “Describe in detail how you feel when you are happy.”

(Hey, Molly, ask me again what makes me happy. Ask me one more time how I feel when I’m happy.)

Whenever I imagine my life according to my terms, I feel this sense of exhilaration. I feel like my world is much bigger, and my possibilities are endless. My heart races, a smile comes on my face, and I’m excited to transfer money into my savings account for the move which I have appropriately named “Road to Happiness Account”.

In these moments I am happy. In these moments I feel whole. It feels amazing not only to have life coming straight at me, but to be walking towards it with open arms.

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Comments (11)

11 Responses to “Following My Heart, or the Benefits of Being Selfish”

  • Heather Rae Says:
    March 4th, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    I'm so excited for your move, Katie! We all need to do what's best for us, and I think being selfish at times is a perfectly acceptable thing to do! :)

  • Kim Says:
    March 4th, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    Katie – this post gave me goosebumps because it's like you're in my head!! I'm in the very same position and have decided to move as well (from Halifax to Vancouver – straight across Canada!) in a few months and I couldn't be happier about the decision too. Can I ask where you're moving? I agree that everyone needs to be selfish once in a while; you can't give, give, give all the time and continue putting yourself on the back-burner and expect to be happy.I'm leaving behind my home as well and many things I love, but I need this. And it sounds like you need it too, so good on you for taking the step! Good luck with it! :)

  • Jac Says:
    March 4th, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!!! Enjoy your Journey :)

  • Katie Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    Thank you so very much, friend. I must admit, it's still difficult at times, and I surely doubt myself, I'm trying to stay moving in the right direction!

  • Katie Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    Thanks, lady! It's hard to be selfish when you've lived so long putting yourself second. Learning to be first in some instances is a valuable lesson that I'm so glad to have learned. :)

  • Katie Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    Kim – even though I'm not too familiar with Canada, Google is! That IS quite the move. Honestly, anything thats "away from home and where you're comfortable" is a pretty big move. I'll be moving from New Jersey to (possibly) Jacksonville, Florida for about 6 months, then hopefully out to Seattle to live.,

    I am SO excited for your move as well! LOVE hearing from other people who are in the same boat as me. Can you do me a favor and keep me posted on how things are going with you, where you are with the move, etc? That would be fabulous ;)

  • Mallory Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    Hi Katie – I just wanted to say how awesome this post is! I LOVE it. I completely identify with your knack for starting things, but just not quite crossing the finish line AND especially for people pleasing tendencies. I'm actually getting the book the Disease to Please for my next read – have you ever read it?

    VERY best of luck on your big move! HOW exciting! I was going to say you should swing by Seattle on your way to wherever you're going, but it sounds like Seattle IS where you're going. I'll be happy to welcome you to the Emerald City when you get here if you want to meet or some help unpacking. Just a tip though, you may want to try to get out this way for the summer. It's a much nicer transition into life as a Seattlite, and there are a million festivals and concerts to go to!

  • Katie Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    Mallory, I've never read the Disease to Please, but I think I'm going to bounce over to Amazon and order it. It seems right up my alley.

    And you're in the land of Seattle? That's so awesome. I'm going to be doing a 6 month stay in Jacksonville, and if all goes as planned, coming full fledged into Seattle. My problem has been finding living quarters, so if you have any friends that need a clean, awesome, twenty something roommate, point them in my direction.

    Can't wait to meet up with you for some coffee, and chatter. I think we'll get along famously! And this is one thing I'm saying I'm going to do, and actually do it! :)

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    Katie- Here's one thing I've learned about the Universe. It loves to make things happen for you, but it's taking it's cue off how you talk about it, describe it to others, think about it in your own head, etc.

    So let's practice…

    KC, "I'm coming to Seattle in 6 months! I'm going to find the perfect house/apartment that needs my awesome self as their new roomie! The job/friends/hobby I desire will be there and I can't wait to discover them."

    Exclamation points are optional, but I find the Universe loves exuberance… And of course all of this is going to require work and effort on your side, but you really do influence the outcomes by how you're talking about it. If you think it's going to be easy and fun, you'll make choices to help it be easy and fun. If you think it's going to be hard, you'll make choices to reflect that.

    Whether we are aware of it or not- we create self-fulfilling prophecies when we talk about our future!

    So, I can't wait until you get to Seattle in 3 or 6 months. You're going to love it and be amazed at how everything worked out in your favor! Hey Universe? Ya hear that? ;)

  • Katie Says:
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:39 am

    Now that's one fabulous way of looking at things. I'm definitely one to question my decisions, and the likelihood of things not working out. Is THIS why the Universe never seems to be on my side? Yes?

    PROBLEM SOLVED.

    See you in 6 months. :)

  • Kim Says:
    March 11th, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    Yup it's far – this country is pretty big lol. I'm excited though! I totally relate to your post from today as well about being excited to move more than sad. That means it's a good decision! And a good decision for you, not for other people, and that's the best thing! I've been getting some slack from my family, just along the lines of "it's not going to be easy", "it will take a long time to make friends", yada yada yada. I know they are just concerned but they can't really understand the place I'm in right now and how I feel. They can't understand that I NEED this move, even if it isn't going to be easy. The important thing though is that I think it's a good thing for me and that's what I need to think about.

    Anyway, I'll DEFINITELY keep in touch with you, and you do the same! My friends are great but they can't really relate to where I'm at either, so it's great for me to find someone to chat to about this stuff too! Florida sounds awesome! Good luck with your move and talk soon :)

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