You Owe It to the World to Be Yourself

posted 24th March 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Inspiration, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” –Oscar Wilde

I recently finished reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a chronicle of Gretchen’s life as she spends a year following the advice of happiness gurus and researchers alike, attempting to make herself happier.

As part of the project, Gretchen made a list of Twelve Commandments, or overarching principles, that she would use as a guide during her year of improved happiness.  The first of these commandments was:  Be Gretchen.

At first glance, this particular commandment didn’t stand out to me.  You’ve probably heard this advice innumerable times — from your mom, your dad, a teacher, a friend.

Just be yourself.

I always took this advice to mean to act like yourself.  Such as, if you’re in a new social situation or meeting new people, just act like yourself and people will like you.

But here’s what I’ve come to realize:  there’s more to that advice than simply acting like yourself.  Be yourself also encompasses accepting yourself. Be proud of who you are; don’t apologize for what you like and what you don’t like.  Embrace the personality traits that make you unique, that make you you.

For instance, I’ve never been one to get really excited about going out to bars or clubs, especially late at night.  Sure, I’ve had some fun times on the dance floor until the wee hours.  But, in general, I enjoy going to sleep early.  I like waking up when the sun rises, not stumbling in from a night on the town and heading to bed.

For years, I felt bad about this tendency.  I had many friends that liked staying up late and going out at night. In an effort to not seem boring, I attempted to make myself enjoy those things too. When I did go out with them, I usually had a great time — so I took that as a sign that obviously I did enjoy being awake at 2:00 AM, mingling with other night owls at the bar.

But here’s the thing — though I may enjoy that scenario on occasion, I can honestly say that if I followed that routine every weekend, I would collapse.  My body, my personality — I’m simply not made for it.

I’ve known for years that I’m an introvert.  I enjoy alone time.  Baking cupcakes, reading a good book or spending a weekend on an art project — that’s my idea of a good time. And yet, it has taken me years to accept these things in myself, to stop trying to change myself in an effort to fit some mythical mold of what society deems appropriate.

Are you an introvert, extrovert or somewhere in between?  Embrace the person that you are.  Don’t force yourself to be something that you’re not, simply because you think that’s the way you should be.

Don’t force yourself to like things just because you think you should enjoy them.

If you’re surrounded by a bunch of books worms and academics but what you really love is karaoke and rock climbing, then by all means, honor what you love.  Stand out from the crowd.  Be bold.  Be different.  Don’t attempt to squeeze yourself into a mold that simply doesn’t fit. Find the things that you enjoy — the things that make you feel like jumping out of bed in the morning and rushing off to do seize the day.

In the end, those are the things that will make you happy.

A happy person brings more joy to those around them than an unhappy person.  Thus, you owe it to the world to be yourself.

photo credit: pasotraspaso

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Comments (17)

17 Responses to “You Owe It to the World to Be Yourself”

  • Kate Says:
    March 24th, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    Lately I have been struggling with finding myself and being happy. It's difficult to fit in when we are surrounded by stereotypes, judgements and what the entertainment industry defines as "attractive" "sexy" and "perfect."

    Everyone is different, but I think in order to find myself, I will need to do a lot of soul searching and discovering to figure out who I really am and what really makes me happy — and embrace those things.

    Thanks for this great post – I really enjoyed reading it!

  • Katie [blogs] Says:
    March 24th, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    This is a total "Great minds think alike" week here at Stratejoy. You'll see tomorrow :)

    I think that being yourself is an amazing lesson to be learned, and accepting yourself? Priceless.

  • Heather Rae Says:
    March 24th, 2010 at 11:22 pm

    I can relate to struggling to find myself. It took me a long time to come to terms with just being myself and not judging myself for who I am and what I like. I actually still struggle with that sometimes. I've spent a lot of time soul searching and will probably always continue to do so. I've found a lot of value in making time to discover what I enjoy and celebrating those discoveries. Best wishes as you move forward on your journey!

  • Heather Rae Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 6:04 am

    Can't wait to read your post tomorrow!

  • Julie Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 11:02 am

    That going-out-in-clubs-late-at-night example, AMEN!!!
    My usual group of friends is more into night-out-at-someone's-place until not-too-late. And that's the way I like it.

    When I go back in my hometown for a week-end, my high school friends always plan on going out.
    I used to follow them in an attempt not to be boring but… I still got bored, left early (or earlier than them) and they said I was boring anyway… Now I tell them right away, I'll join you for dinner and everything but after, I'm just not going to that club…

    And besides, I agree with the rest of your post. It takes courage to be ourselves. The hardest part is to not fear what people will think/say about us and to tune into what we think/feel about doing so or so. The key is to remember of the people (BF, parents, best friends) who love us exactly the way we are. That sould give us the confidence to follow our own path.

  • Lizzie Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 11:15 am

    Great advice! I think sometimes the problem is that we try to fit in with what people expect of us so much that we dont really know what we like or dont like anymore! That's where the fun is though – You can get out and try everything till you find what you love! There is a great quote by Marianne Williamson – I dont know if you know it but it goes like this:

    "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others"

    Big Smiles x

  • Kim Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Great post Heather. It's sort of a cliche, but it's really true and it's hard to follow! I struggle with this also. For example, I can be a quiet person – depends on the situation, but definitely in larger group situations I'm quieter and I don't like being put on the spot or talking in front of a group, makes me really nervous. I'm shy. However, I wouldn't call myself an introvert, because I like to go out, be active, participate in things, try new things, meet new people, talk and dance. I just find that because I'm a quieter person people assume I'm a goody-goody or a wallflower and that's frustrating. I just don't like being the centre of attention, and I don't see anything wrong with that. I do hate that I'm like that sometimes though, and wish I could change it, because people often overlook me in some ways, but I'm always working on being proud and accepting of my personality. I've learned I'm probably never going to be a loud, look-at-me kind of person, and that should be ok.

  • Erica Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    I LOVE THIS. Thank you so much for making me realize I am not alone for not wanting to go to the bars all the time! Not only that, but this entire post hit close to home. This is exactly where I am right now – learning to accept myself, be proud of myself and just BE myself.

  • Heather Rae Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    I think you are so right. "The key is to remember the people who love us exactly the way we are." –perfectly said. :)

  • Heather Rae Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    I absolutely love that quote — really, really beautiful! Thanks for that. :)

  • Heather Rae Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    I think it's absolutely, perfectly OK to not be the loud, look-at-me kind of person. We all have something different to give, and that should most definitely be celebrated!

  • Heather Rae Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    You are definitely not alone! So glad you enjoyed the post! And THANK YOU for making me feel like I'm not alone in this either – so awesome. :)

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    I once resorted to pouring water into beer bottles so I could "keep up". Um, insecure much? :) It's definitely a learning process of getting comfortable that all those quirks and preferences make up who we are! And the most authentic path is to learn and honor those!

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Yup. This is a definite fave Heather. And I'll come bake cupcakes and be art goddesses with you anytime!

  • AndreaGenevieve Says:
    March 27th, 2010 at 12:52 am

    When I read the part about reading and making cupcakes it was almost like this post was written about me. There once was a time when Andrea LOVED to go out to bars and clubs and drink her face off…. many many years of this actually. Turns out it is almost painful for me to do that now. My body literally can't handle it anymore and honestly I'm tired of blacking out and forgetting parts of my life.
    My perfect night now includes wine, cheese and crackers, a book or my computer. Maybe a really good dinner and a movie with good friends or the boy.
    Is that wrong that I'm 25 and now consider myself lame? It definitely makes it hard to hang out with some of my friends because I don't feel like I'm fun to them anymore. It's hard for me to not feel bad about losing the old Andrea and embrace this new one…I'm not yet comfortable with it.
    I know I am happier and this is who I REALLY am… I just need to feel like its OK to be this way and to change.
    Thanks for making me feel like its OK Heather.

  • Katie Says:
    March 27th, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    Wow, all these comments…just exactly what I needed to hear. But Andrea, I think you wrote straight from my mind. I'm 27 now and have been battling this feeling for 2 years. How lame am I that I don't want to do the crazy bar thing like the rest of my friends do? And then I got to a point where I decided to accept my "lameness". Now, I'm trying to recognize that it's not lameness, it's just me. Really helps to hear the rest of you ladies echo that thought. Oh and Andrea? I hope you're able to skip that middle stage of accepting lameness…cause really it's just a waste of time! :)

  • Heather Rae Says:
    March 29th, 2010 at 2:55 am

    I would definitely say that we are all in good company. Now if only we lived nearby – I'd invite you all over for a cupcake baking, art making, book grouping party! You're all awesome in my book! :)

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