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The Art of Having it All (Or, I’m No Super Woman)

posted 21st April 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2, What I've Learned

Three months ago, I took some pretty drastic steps to recreate my life.  I quit my job to write a novel and made big plans that include travel, art and dance.

Now I look at my list of things to accomplish, and I’m a little petrified.  I put a whole heck of a lot of pressure on myself to do everything, try everything, be everything – all in one year.  I sort of thought I could be Super Woman.

I may have to rethink that.

I figured leaving my job would allow me all the time in the world to do everything I could imagine.  Turns out, that’s only half true.  In reality, leaving my job allows me nine extra hours a day.  A lot of time, yes.  But not nearly enough to do everything.

I’ve had to prioritize and focus on the things that are most important to me right now.  Sometimes, that’s meant letting things go or at least letting them slide temporarily. I’ve learned that I can have it all and do it all and be it all – but probably not at the same time.

Patience truly has become a virtue.

I made the conscious decision to focus wholeheartedly on developing my skills as a fiction writer and finishing my novel.  To get it written, I’ve completely immersed myself in writing.  To breathe life into my characters, my mind has been occupied with them at nearly every free moment.   To come up with unique plot twists and turns, I’ve carried notepads everywhere, even to the grocery store.

This focus on novel writing has left little time for much else.  In some ways, I absolutely love this fact.  It’s exciting to realize I’ve picked the right journey to embark on.  But then I’m also a bit bummed that time for other projects has thus been limited.

Like art.  I love, love, love making art.  And I really hoped by this point I would have been able to delve full force into creating beautiful mixed media paintings.  But that hasn’t happened yet.  I simply haven’t had time to purchase supplies, dedicate a space in my home and spend the necessary hours working on these projects.

In my dream world, I simultaneously write my novel, build my website and my personal ‘brand’, plan exotic trips, make time for art and take dance classes whenever the whim hits.  (Oh, and in my free time, I save the world.)

In the real world, I do what I can.

The good news is – I’m seriously excited about my book. I’ve got all kinds of ideas.  I’m even in the beginning stages of developing the plot for my next book.  Thinking about my future as a writer fills me with energy.  Every once in a while, I get this inkling that something exciting is going to happen, that I’m on the right path, that I’m doing exactly what I should be doing.

So although this journey hasn’t been perfect, although I’m not able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, life is good.  My path as a writer, artist, dancer, traveler and do-gooder is unfolding before me.

It’s not exactly what I imagined.  Perhaps that’s a good thing.  Being surprised by how it all turns out – maybe that’ll be the best part.

photo credit: Rob Speed

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Two Month Countdown

posted 20th April 2010    Written by: Nicole Antoinette    CATEGORY: Job/Career/Work, Love/Relationships, Nicole Antoinette, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

In less than two months, I’m going to be 25.

Um, WHAT?

That’s not a rhetorical question. Seriously, what? Can someone please come over and sit me down and explain how I went from high school to college to being four years out of college to being in my two month countdown to turning 25 years old? Because I sure as hell can’t seem to figure that one out.

When people bring up my birthday and my eyes go all dinner-plate-big, they remind me that “age is just a number” and that “25 isn’t any different than 24.” To which I say, “flkjgflkghj,” because 25 sounds like a much more serious adult age than any age I’ve ever been, and let’s not forget that at 25 I can much more inexpensively rent a car. Let’s not forget that.

Truthfully, I have no idea what will be going on the day I turn 25. I know it’s only two months away, but in my current roller coaster life, two months is two eternities. It was only four months ago that I signed on to write for Stratejoy, and I did so from my parents’ couch in Arizona, surrounded by no job, no place to live, no life plan, and a crush on a boy in San Francisco. In the four months that have screeched by between then and now, I got off their couch, got in my car, and drove my no job, no place to live, no life plan, and big crush from Arizona to San Francisco to see how things played out. Here’s how they played out:

I arrived in San Francisco on a Sunday night and checked into a hostel in a questionable area in the pouring rain. It took three minutes for me to question my sanity, three hours for me to call my mom hysterically crying, and three days for things to unravel with that boy.

And so, less than a week into my “Nicole is so brave and moved to San Francisco!” plan, I had lost the only real connection I had to an entirely unknown city and was staring down an overwhelming case of “What now?”

I needed to regroup.

I needed a friend and a bubbly drink and a plate of cheese and I needed them now. Jamie agreed to come out with me, to take our we-met-through-Twitter friendship offline and finally squeal and jump around together in person. A drink later, we realized we were best friend soulmates. A day later we signed a lease together. A week later we decided to join creative forces to relaunch Shatterboxx Media, her kickass awesome graphic and web design company. And four months later we’re really doing it, working from home, expanding the business, pursuing our writing, exploring the city, and drinking a damn impressive amount of wine along the way.

Which makes me wonder, if four months can give me an entirely new life, top to bottom, can something equally as soul changing come about in the next two?

I don’t see why not. Stay tuned.

photo credit

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When Life is Frustrating, Ask for Help

posted 15th April 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Season 2, What I've Learned

My days have become pretty consistent.  This is a good thing.  I’m one of those people that thrive on routine, to-do lists and the familiar.  Actually, I’m sort of in love with my to-do list.

And the most important I-have-to-finish-this piece of work I give myself each day is to write at least five pages for my novel.

Every afternoon, I head to the library.  I write, write, write — well, until I get stuck or bored or both.  Then I surf the net or check Twitter or chat with some random friend on Facebook.  But that’s a whole other topic.  The point is, I make myself sit there until I reach my required page count for the day. Once I do that, I consider if I have anything more to say or if I should put it away and come back with fresh ideas the next day.  Sometimes I’m in the middle of a creative burst, and I keep typing until I get the words out.  Other times, I struggle to get even five pages and decide not to push it.

Writing every day is sort of exactly what I thought it would be.  My skills are improving, I make my own schedule and my work allows for lots of creativity.  But then, it’s also totally different.  For one, writing a novel can be incredibly frustrating.

I constantly wonder if my writing is good enough.

So here’s how I thought my daily writing would go:  I would put words to paper and think to myself — Damn, girl, you’re good. How clever of you! Yes, it’s true.  I thought the self-talk would all be positive.  I thought my innate ability to write would charm the pants right off of me (okay, maybe not my pants, but at least a sock or something).

But here’s what actually happens when I sit down to write:  I put words to paper, and as I’m describing some joint on the beach or dialogue between two people, I think — Wow, this sucks.  Could I think of nothing better to say?  Did I really just waste an entire page on that?  That’s so unrealistic.  Who would say that?

At least I seem to be in good company.  From what I hear, most novelists think they suck when doing the actual writing. Well, maybe not Stephen King.  But, hey, he’s been writing for like, ever.

Lucky for me, I have a pretty awesome partner in crime.

Most nights, Steven and I go for long walks.  We usually spend part of that time talking about my writing progress.  Sometimes all is good, and I excitedly tell him about the latest character revelations.  And then there are the times that I totally break down.  (This is the part that makes him so awesome.) Because then we talk through it.  I say, “Well, they [the characters] are in a boat, and they’re running from the bad guys.  But I have no idea where they’re going.  I wasn’t planning on putting them in a boat.  Where the hell did this boat come from?  What am I supposed to do?  It’s so stupid.”

And Steven says, “So blow up the boat.”

And then we laugh.

You see, when it comes to this book, Steven’s advice is usually centered on blowing something up.  Of course, I don’t always take this sage advice.  But what I love is that he comes up with a solution — and fast.  He makes me realize there are a thousand solutions to my problem. Stop freaking out.  We brainstorm a few ideas, pick the best one and go with it.  Crisis averted.

That’s the biggest thing I’ve learned so far.  I am not an island.  I don’t own the solution to every problem.  Sometimes I just have to ask for help.

photo credit: - reuben -

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Gratitude and Action – A Recipe For True Happiness

posted 14th April 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Katie, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2, Tips & Tools, What I've Learned

Gratitude is often like a holiday, it comes once a year. When you think of Thanksgiving, surely the first thing you think of is thankfulness and gratitude. Well, and turkey.

But overall, it’s the day when we get with the ones closest to us and celebrate how thankful we are for each other (and turkey!) and we practice that feeling of gratitude all day.

This past Thanksgiving for me was one of the worst days that I can remember. I cooked dinner for myself and my father – a Turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes (!!!!), lima beans, green beans, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce – you name it, it was made. He stayed in bed most of the day, and when he did get up, he went over to a friend’s house instead of eating what I had made.

I stopped looking at the meal that I had made as an accomplishment, and turned it into something that “wasn’t good enough” – a feeling I’ve had since I was in my early teens. To make it all even worse, it was on THANKSGIVING – the day when you are supposed to be with the ones you love, and give thanks for the things you have.

Add that to the things that I blamed myself for.

For the duration of the day, I picked apart everything that I had done, both with the dinner, and things that had nothing to do with the situation at all. “Why didn’t I finish school?!” “Why did I let things with The Ex fall apart?” “Why am I gaining weight?”  The ideas ranged in topic – but they all had one toxic thing in common: They all focused on things about myself that I found to be negative, but wasn’t doing anything about. Each thing that I thought about was something that I felt the need to complain about, but couldn’t muster up the courage or desire to make a change.

I was so comfortable in negativity, that positivity wasn’t even appealing most of the time.

There is no one on this planet who is completely happy with everything about themselves or their life situation. Everyone wants something more than what they already have.  This idea of never being satisfied is both a gift and a curse. On one hand, it makes you appear to be someone who never gives up, and always aims for the next step above where you are. However, without some level of satisfaction and gratitude for what you already have, you’re selling yourself short.

For me, where I am now isn’t where I want to end up, but it’s exactly where I wanted to be a year ago. When things were falling apart around me, I just wanted to feel happy. I just wanted to feel accepted. I just wanted to feel ME. Now that I do, I’ve found it incredibly important to practice a combination of gratitude and action – being proud of where I am, but always moving forward to the next level.

I’ve had a few rough days recently.

I’m doubting my life direction, and honestly even my ability to achieve all of the things I want to with the baggage that I bring. I haven’t had 24 hours of a completely good mood in as long as I can remember, but I am also happy more hours than I am sad. It’s a give and take of sorts. In honor of practicing gratitude, I want to share a list of things that I’m grateful for right now.

These are the things that I focus on that I have at this very moment – rather than the things that I don’t have.

Katie’s Gratefuls

I am grateful for having a job in a time in which many people do not.

I am grateful for having a fulfilling relationship with my mom, though it may be rocky at times.

I am grateful for always having exactly what I need. It might not always be everything that I want, but my necessities are always taken care of.

I am grateful to be living in a house with two of my very good friends who make me feel loved, appreciated, and wanted.

I am grateful for my ever growing writing skills and that I am able to contribute to several clients to better develop their companies.

I am grateful for my sense of humor that can bring others out of a bad mood.

I am grateful for YOU, readers, who’s ideas and validation that I am not alone help me get through some very difficult days.

I am most grateful that I was able to overcome extreme depression and come to a point where I don’t look forward to the end of each day, but to the beginning of tomorrow’s new journey.

Okay, now you go!

So, my lovely friends, I’d love for you to make a list of 5 (or MORE!!) things that you’re grateful for right now, no matter your life circumstances. Share them with me in the comments!

If you decide to blog about it, leave me a link to the blog so I can read it. Make it a habit this week, as I will be, to remember the things that you do have, while still working toward the things that you want.

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The Crazy Place

posted 13th April 2010    Written by: Nicole Antoinette    CATEGORY: Nicole Antoinette, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

The ending of this story is that I’m overwhelmingly jealous of fish. The beginning is that I’m totally batshit crazy. I promise there’s a middle that connects the two.

A few months ago, a thing happened with a text message.

Basically, I got a few texts back to back from someone I usually respond to right away, someone I think is pretty damn fantastic, but because I was in the middle of a phone conversation with someone else, I didn’t respond. And then I got off the phone and forgot to respond, making my eventual reply that much later and more out of character.

I know what you’re thinking here. You’re thinking, “Who the hell cares?” and I’m nodding along in agreement with you. Who the hell cares? No one. Except, apparently, that that’s not true because I seemed to care a great deal.

It started innocently enough. “I hope he doesn’t think I was ignoring him,” I thought. But when a few more minutes went by and I didn’t hear from him, it transitioned to, “Shit, he’s probably mad at me” to “Why didn’t I just respond? I can text while I’m on the phone” to “Great, we’re never going to hang out again.”

I wish I was exaggerating in the slightest, but in 0 to 60 I had gone from being myself to being in The Crazy Place. You know, the place where all of your logic and reasoning and normal rational adult skills evaporate and you exist in a spinning hamster wheel of unfounded truths that are equal parts ridiculous and yet unquestionably true in your head.

And it doesn’t just happen with guys and dating, it happens all the time.

I’ll spend hours agonizing over saying the wrong thing to a potential new friend in our first meeting. I’ll agonize over the “what I should have done-s” in job interviews, analyzing the tiniest details until they’re no longer recognizable anymore.

Yep, The Crazy Place.

The most frustrating thing about it is that while it’s impossibly easy to slip into The Crazy Place, it’s just straight impossible to get out of it with any glimmer of dignity. By the time you snap out of it, you’re so embarrassed and disgusted with yourself that the feelings have taken on a monster-like life of their own, which is about when I lose it. When I stop and stare at myself in the mirror and yell, “REALLY?!” because what kind of grown woman lets herself do this?

Oh yeah, the kind who’s alive, that’s who.

But why do we do this to ourselves? Let a thing that’s not a thing become a thing, I mean. It’s exhausting and I vote we stop it already. You know who doesn’t pull crap like this? Fish. Fish don’t do this. Fish are only concerned with eating and making baby fish and making sure no one eats their baby fish after they’ve made them. The end.

The fish comparison came up two Sundays ago, when I was watching Life, that new Discovery Channel show that goes around the world, species by species, with Oprah narrating the most mindblowing things you’ve ever seen in the history of ever.

I was watching the fish episode and I was like, “You know, fish don’t worry about shit like text messages from cute boys.” And then I sat there for a solid two minutes being furious about how life is hard and how I should have been born a fish.

But, just as I was reaching the height of my envy and annoyance, they showed a scene where all these female fish laid their eggs on a floating palm frond and then all these male fish covered the eggs in clouds and clouds of sperm and it created this gross cocoon thing that trapped and killed a bunch of the fish.

And so, I leave you with that for perspective.Maybe we spend the occasional night in The Crazy Place, but at least we aren’t routinely at risk of being smothered by sperm.

photo credit: JennyHuang

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