The Crazy Exciting, Crazy Depressing Halfway Mark

posted 22nd April 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Katie, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2, What I've Learned

I’m 3 days late writing this post.

It will surely publish on my regularly scheduled Thursday, just know that I’m writing this three days later than I normally should have. It’s not that I forgot. It’s not that I didn’t feel like it. Hell, I always want to write for you guys. For the first time in my entire life I can be me, and it’s okay.

But this week? This week marks my halfway point of the “Guest Blogger” position here at Stratejoy. That gets a firm, loud, WHAT THE HELL?! from me.

When I checked my e-mail from Molly a few days ago it was what has become a typical Saturday for me: Sitting indian style on my oversized chair, wearing pajamas and eating Bugles and Diet Pepsi. Seriously, this is what I do all day on Saturday. It’s my gift to myself.

I opened up my e-mail and was whistling through my Bugle, and saw “It’s the halfway point through your guest posting…” I ran to my calendar with intent of e-mailing Molly back and telling her that she’s been working a little too hard and she misread the date. She didn’t.

Call it crazy emotions, call it PMS, call it whatever you want, but I just didn’t want to accept that I’m halfway done this journey.

I got a little upset, anxious, and nervous.I am not in anyway where I feel that I’m supposed to be. I’m not happy yet. I’m still struggling with depression. I didn’t meet the man of my dreams yet who was going to knock down all of my walls. I didn’t make that surprise call to my family announcing my engagement, my first child, my dream job.

None of that had happened yet. I can’t be halfway done. Can I get an extension?

I felt myself going down a path that could inevitably become destructive. I started thinking I was inadequate, not good enough, and failing at the one thing that I had committed to. And if you know me, you know that I’m allergic to commitment.

So, I didn’t write the post that day. Or the next. Or the next. I spent the next few days freaking out about how I wasn’t as far along as I wanted to be and wondering where I went wrong.

This morning, still thinking about how I was going to handle writing this halfway post – I took a moment – something I learned through my journey – to calm down. Take a breath. Refocus.

I practiced my own little thought stopping and realized two things:

A) I’m halfway done, but I still have halfway to go.
B) This blogging experience wasn’t a deadline. I don’t have to have things figured out by the end.

After I accepted these two things, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I sat down, started to write, and here I am.

Still halfway done my guest-blogging position here, but celebrating the drastic, amazing, awesome, freakin’ crazy-cool changes I’ve made in my life, and celebrating those, rather than the “end” that I was focusing on before. Which, to be honest, doesn’t exist.

Time for a “What I’ve Done / Learned” Roll Call:

5 little lessons that have made a world of difference. I’ve come a long way, baby. And honestly, you haven’t seen nothing yet.

I’d love to know from you guys, what’s the most recent life strategy that you’ve picked up? Where did you get it from? You know I’m always game for new things.

*Photo Credit: (via)

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Comments (2)

2 Responses to “The Crazy Exciting, Crazy Depressing Halfway Mark”

  • Kate Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    In the [almost] one year that I've known you, you have grown so much! And I am so incredibly happy for you and all of the wonderful things you are doing with your life. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we can rise to the top. I am sure there are days when you feel like you've hit "rock bottom," but just remember that you really are doing some incredible things with your life, and I can't wait to see what you will continue to do in the years ahead.

  • Heather Rae Says:
    April 25th, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    I know what you mean. When I saw that we reached the half-way point, I was like…um, no, I'm not even close to half-way through this whole thing. But, like you, I came to realize this was never meant to be a deadline. Just a great way to share with other people what I'm going through. And it has been great – meeting people in similar situations and getting encouragement from a great group of women. (And hopefully helping others to realize they're not alone on this whole quarter-life journey.) I'm quite sure that your writing has been an inspiration to many others (including me!). :)

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