The Crazy Place

posted 13th April 2010    Written by: Nicole Antoinette    CATEGORY: Nicole Antoinette, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

The ending of this story is that I’m overwhelmingly jealous of fish. The beginning is that I’m totally batshit crazy. I promise there’s a middle that connects the two.

A few months ago, a thing happened with a text message.

Basically, I got a few texts back to back from someone I usually respond to right away, someone I think is pretty damn fantastic, but because I was in the middle of a phone conversation with someone else, I didn’t respond. And then I got off the phone and forgot to respond, making my eventual reply that much later and more out of character.

I know what you’re thinking here. You’re thinking, “Who the hell cares?” and I’m nodding along in agreement with you. Who the hell cares? No one. Except, apparently, that that’s not true because I seemed to care a great deal.

It started innocently enough. “I hope he doesn’t think I was ignoring him,” I thought. But when a few more minutes went by and I didn’t hear from him, it transitioned to, “Shit, he’s probably mad at me” to “Why didn’t I just respond? I can text while I’m on the phone” to “Great, we’re never going to hang out again.”

I wish I was exaggerating in the slightest, but in 0 to 60 I had gone from being myself to being in The Crazy Place. You know, the place where all of your logic and reasoning and normal rational adult skills evaporate and you exist in a spinning hamster wheel of unfounded truths that are equal parts ridiculous and yet unquestionably true in your head.

And it doesn’t just happen with guys and dating, it happens all the time.

I’ll spend hours agonizing over saying the wrong thing to a potential new friend in our first meeting. I’ll agonize over the “what I should have done-s” in job interviews, analyzing the tiniest details until they’re no longer recognizable anymore.

Yep, The Crazy Place.

The most frustrating thing about it is that while it’s impossibly easy to slip into The Crazy Place, it’s just straight impossible to get out of it with any glimmer of dignity. By the time you snap out of it, you’re so embarrassed and disgusted with yourself that the feelings have taken on a monster-like life of their own, which is about when I lose it. When I stop and stare at myself in the mirror and yell, “REALLY?!” because what kind of grown woman lets herself do this?

Oh yeah, the kind who’s alive, that’s who.

But why do we do this to ourselves? Let a thing that’s not a thing become a thing, I mean. It’s exhausting and I vote we stop it already. You know who doesn’t pull crap like this? Fish. Fish don’t do this. Fish are only concerned with eating and making baby fish and making sure no one eats their baby fish after they’ve made them. The end.

The fish comparison came up two Sundays ago, when I was watching Life, that new Discovery Channel show that goes around the world, species by species, with Oprah narrating the most mindblowing things you’ve ever seen in the history of ever.

I was watching the fish episode and I was like, “You know, fish don’t worry about shit like text messages from cute boys.” And then I sat there for a solid two minutes being furious about how life is hard and how I should have been born a fish.

But, just as I was reaching the height of my envy and annoyance, they showed a scene where all these female fish laid their eggs on a floating palm frond and then all these male fish covered the eggs in clouds and clouds of sperm and it created this gross cocoon thing that trapped and killed a bunch of the fish.

And so, I leave you with that for perspective.Maybe we spend the occasional night in The Crazy Place, but at least we aren’t routinely at risk of being smothered by sperm.

photo credit: JennyHuang

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Comments (20)

20 Responses to “The Crazy Place”

  • Kim Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    omg Nicole, this post is kind of eerie because I've been experiencing something like this the past week! I've been seeing a guy for a few weeks, and the past week or so he hasn't answered a bunch of my texts and hasn't been able to hang out. So, I totally went to the Crazy Place and made myself a ball of nerves and stress, ultimately concluding that he doesn't like me anymore, doesn't want to see me, is ignoring me, and is therefore a jerk (and any thoughts that could in any way be connected to these worries). And it's the same, afte I come out of it I DO feel stupid and silly and embarassed. But in the moment you can't see it – so frustrating! It's SO nice to hear that I'm not the only one that does this. It totally is a girl thing and I don't get it either. I always think the worst and get paranoid and worried over nothing and it's so silly. Thanks a lot for this post – it really made me feel a lot better. Must try to remedy this, ladies!!

  • Trebuchet Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    I thought I was the only one who did this. Wow! I freakin hate the Crazy Place.

  • April Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    Greatness. And I really wish I didn't know EXACTLY what you were talking about. I also wish I could learn to re-phrase sentences to not end in prepositions, but it's part of my "charm".

  • Lidia Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    I have a crazy place where I get terrible worried. If I try to reach someone and they don't call me within a span of time I will start imagining the worst things, and I get so worried and crazy (phone calls every couple minutes, calling others…) then when I find out they are ok I get MAD. So pissed that they made me worry in the first place. When really it isn't their fault, I put myself there… I guess all girls have a little crazy (but that only makes us the more interesting right?)

  • Cassie Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    I actually had a guy I had recently start seeing ask, "Oh no, you're not crazy, are you?" while I was in the mist of slipping into The Crazy Place. Fact? Asking about it only makes it worse, dude. Just back away slowly while convincing me that you have never dated anyone prettier than me in the history of history.

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    "Just back away slowly while convincing me that you have never dated anyone prettier than me in the history of history."

    Can we get this printed on a t-shirt?!

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    Oh man, I totally do that too. Like, "BUT WHAT IF THEY DIED?!" when it's only been, like, a half hour.

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    I gave up trying not to do the preposition thing forever ago. Charm, indeed.

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    Apparently there are enough of us in The Crazy Place that we can have one hell of a party though :)

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    Drinking + The Crazy Place = ldkfjgflkjl

  • bellerenee Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    Nicole, great post, seriously, but I want to talk about Life and that fish episode!! The grossest thing about the palm frond situation was the fact that those were FLYING FISH laying eggs in that disgusting frond and you know what else FLYING FISH EGGS are on besides cocoons of death? SUSHI.

  • amysjoy Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    I HATE The Crazy Place! And THEN, even though you know it's CRAZY, once you get a couple of drinks in, you're spewing your crazy all over the internet! WHERE HE CAN SEE IT! It's redonk!

  • David Says:
    April 14th, 2010 at 6:08 am

    I never thought a blog post that ended with a gangbang money shot could be so touching. Well done, Nicole.

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    April 14th, 2010 at 6:47 am

    skldjfdlkfgjdlfkgjdflgk

  • Lindsay Says:
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    Eesh. Effing hate the crazy place. I will probably become a recluse just to avoid it. You put it into words really well. Check out this post from Opinionistas. She has a good way of describing it also. I read it and I was like YES! And then I kind of wanted to put it on a billboard or something.
    http://opinionistas.com/2006/09/21/love-is-strang…

  • Niesha Says:
    April 15th, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    OMG, the crazy place. I thought it was just me. I wonder what makes people think that way? It's like a snowball effect or something. I've found what works best for me is when I stop over analyzing and just ask myself what is the worst that can happen? Usually the worst isn't really that bad at all but if you keep thinking about it then it seems bigger than it actually is.

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    April 16th, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    Um, this is horrifying news.

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    April 16th, 2010 at 5:09 pm

    I'm just sweet like that, I know.

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    April 16th, 2010 at 5:09 pm

    Such a great link Lindsay, thanks! Billboard time, for sure.

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    April 16th, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    My college roommate and I used to play the "but this would be so much worse if…" game. Like, "Yeah, we're in The Crazy Place, but this would be so much worse if we only had one leg." etc etc

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