When Life is Frustrating, Ask for Help

posted 15th April 2010    Written by: Heather Rae    CATEGORY: Heather Rae, Season 2, What I've Learned

My days have become pretty consistent.  This is a good thing.  I’m one of those people that thrive on routine, to-do lists and the familiar.  Actually, I’m sort of in love with my to-do list.

And the most important I-have-to-finish-this piece of work I give myself each day is to write at least five pages for my novel.

Every afternoon, I head to the library.  I write, write, write — well, until I get stuck or bored or both.  Then I surf the net or check Twitter or chat with some random friend on Facebook.  But that’s a whole other topic.  The point is, I make myself sit there until I reach my required page count for the day. Once I do that, I consider if I have anything more to say or if I should put it away and come back with fresh ideas the next day.  Sometimes I’m in the middle of a creative burst, and I keep typing until I get the words out.  Other times, I struggle to get even five pages and decide not to push it.

Writing every day is sort of exactly what I thought it would be.  My skills are improving, I make my own schedule and my work allows for lots of creativity.  But then, it’s also totally different.  For one, writing a novel can be incredibly frustrating.

I constantly wonder if my writing is good enough.

So here’s how I thought my daily writing would go:  I would put words to paper and think to myself — Damn, girl, you’re good. How clever of you! Yes, it’s true.  I thought the self-talk would all be positive.  I thought my innate ability to write would charm the pants right off of me (okay, maybe not my pants, but at least a sock or something).

But here’s what actually happens when I sit down to write:  I put words to paper, and as I’m describing some joint on the beach or dialogue between two people, I think — Wow, this sucks.  Could I think of nothing better to say?  Did I really just waste an entire page on that?  That’s so unrealistic.  Who would say that?

At least I seem to be in good company.  From what I hear, most novelists think they suck when doing the actual writing. Well, maybe not Stephen King.  But, hey, he’s been writing for like, ever.

Lucky for me, I have a pretty awesome partner in crime.

Most nights, Steven and I go for long walks.  We usually spend part of that time talking about my writing progress.  Sometimes all is good, and I excitedly tell him about the latest character revelations.  And then there are the times that I totally break down.  (This is the part that makes him so awesome.) Because then we talk through it.  I say, “Well, they [the characters] are in a boat, and they’re running from the bad guys.  But I have no idea where they’re going.  I wasn’t planning on putting them in a boat.  Where the hell did this boat come from?  What am I supposed to do?  It’s so stupid.”

And Steven says, “So blow up the boat.”

And then we laugh.

You see, when it comes to this book, Steven’s advice is usually centered on blowing something up.  Of course, I don’t always take this sage advice.  But what I love is that he comes up with a solution — and fast.  He makes me realize there are a thousand solutions to my problem. Stop freaking out.  We brainstorm a few ideas, pick the best one and go with it.  Crisis averted.

That’s the biggest thing I’ve learned so far.  I am not an island.  I don’t own the solution to every problem.  Sometimes I just have to ask for help.

photo credit: - reuben -

Bookmark and Share
Comments (4)

4 Responses to “When Life is Frustrating, Ask for Help”

  • Eran Says:
    April 16th, 2010 at 2:28 am

    I've been wondering a lot lately what holds us back from asking for help. I've had to spend my last 6 weeks asking for help from people I never would have thought to ask before, and have been honestly amazed by how eager people are to assist. It really does make life so much easier when someone's got your back :)

  • Heather Rae Says:
    April 16th, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    So true. I'm not sure why I've developed such an aversion to asking for help. Wouldn't it all be easier if we felt we could ask for help whenever we needed it? I am definitely putting this on my list of things to work on. :)

  • Katie [blogs] Says:
    April 20th, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    Asking for help is so hard for me. Like, when I have a question, I assume I should know the answer, and I don't ask., It ends up being more of a struggle for me to find the answer than it would have been to just ask.

    What an awesome reminder of "No one knows everything". THANKS!

  • When I Grow Up – The Blog » Blog Archive » Link Love: April 2010 Says:
    May 6th, 2010 at 1:28 am

    [...] When Life is Frustrating, Ask for Help on Stratejoy [...]

Leave a Reply

name*


email* (will not be published)


website


comments