Expectation Mania and the Danger of Measuring Up

posted 3rd May 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Molly, Quarterlife Crisis, Tips & Tools

It’s nearly impossible to live life on your own terms…

Your parents expect you to get a good job. The dating pool gives you the stink eye when you’re not dolled up appropriately.  Your alumni chair sweetly requests updates of you getting promotions, marrying, saving the world or having adorable babies.

Society practically demands that you buy into the bigger/better/more consumerism that is kept alive by the promise of “fixing” you or “purchasing” your way to utter coolness.

What about what YOU want?  How can you even tell with those expectations in your face every single day?

“We expected more of you.”

“If only you’d live up to your potential…”

“What will people think if you do that?”

And it’s not only outside forces that we’ve got to contend with… Frequently, we’ve internalized that expectation mania and our inner dialogue is chock full of shoulds, and have tos, and don’t fuck this ups.  Ever think to yourself, “I won’t be a real grown up until I make 70K”  or “Once I get married, then I’ll be set”?

Sorry sunshine, life is not measured in checking off expectations.  If you’re traveling through life on autopilot, trying to do everything “correctly” without ever taking the time to decide how YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT IT, you’re not living life.  You’re acting a part.

There is no right way to live.  There is only YOUR way.  And as long as that way doesn’t hurt others, allows you to be a kind and just person, and challenges you to go after your heart’s true desires, you owe it to yourself to get really clear about what YOUR way truly looks like.

Every day is another day to make deliberate choices about how you want to show up. Please, for the love of your own authenticity, stop trying to measure up to society’s expectations, or the Jones’, or your parents, or your college roommate’s version of life…

Get really clear on your true desires, your intrinsic motivation.  Clarity is ridiculously freeing.  When you know what YOUR version of success is, you can stop wanting things you don’t want.  You forgo measuring up, and instead, radiate delicious you-ness.

Take a stand against expectation mania, Tribe.  This is YOUR life.  Create your own path.  Dance to your own beat.  Stop caring so much about what others think about you.

Try caring about what YOU think about you.

p.s.  I’ve got some SUPEREXCITING news regarding The Joy Equation! You’re going to LOVE it!  Especially if you need a little assistance getting really clear about your definition of success…  Stay tuned for the excitement & if you’re not already signed up for the eNewsletter (upper right of this page)- get on the list!  Special goodies coming next Thursday!
photo credit:  KTvee

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Comments (7)

7 Responses to “Expectation Mania and the Danger of Measuring Up”

  • Katie [blogs] Says:
    May 3rd, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    This is something I still struggle with. For years I lived as I thought successful people should, and when I deiated off of the path, I crashed. Getting to know myself is so crazy. I mean, shouldn't we all know ourselves? I got so used to "saying yes" because I thought I had to, that I authentically forgot what I actually want to do.

    This is an awesome reminder to keep yourself in check and do what YOU want. Thanks, Molly-pants!

  • LiLu Says:
    May 3rd, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    "Clarity is ridiculously freeing."

    So, SO true.

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    May 3rd, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    Anytime love, anytime. I love when we have those "aha" moments about ourselves… You mean I hate drinking vodka based drinks while wearing uncomfortable heels? Aren't I supposed to love that? Oh well.

    And then, you mean I love talking about philosophy after having come from a burlesque show, while eating fancy mac and cheese? I'm such a weirdo… But I am who I am…

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    May 3rd, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    Big relieved sigh. Glad someone else gets it. ;)

  • chrissarose Says:
    May 4th, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    Just wanted to drop by and say that this site/blog is my new obsession. I love it! I am currently completely freaking out about my life and trying to stip away all the "shoulds" trying to find what I really want. It's hard but I'm committed. I would do the Joy Equation and Club Refresh too, if I could! Thanks for having this site!

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    May 4th, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    Chrissa Rose! Thank you! We all know what you mean about freaking out- but way to stay committed to stripping away those shoulds…

    And you can do the Joy Equation! It sounds like it would be perfect for ya! Just wait until the 13th for the new roll out! xox

  • AndreaGenevieve Says:
    May 11th, 2010 at 1:45 am

    I think that clarity comes and goes in waves- especially during your 20's and 30's. But I know what you're talking about when you say life is about living up to your own standards, goals and dreams. I myself have a really really hard time not comparing myself and my life to other girls my age. Its as if my social timeline is not as good as everyone else because its not NORMAL or traditional. Everyone once in a while I catch myself getting jealous or envious of those girls who have the typical life, but then I just remember that I am so much more confident in myself my goals and dreams then they are… and then I don't feel so bad.

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