Chasing Away The Black Cloud

posted 3rd June 2010 Written by: Katie CATEGORY: Katie, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2, Tips & Tools, What I've Learned

Being True to Yourself, choosing happiness, Clarity, depression, happiness, How to Feel Better, living in the present

The last two weeks have been a little rough on my end, as if you couldn’t tell by my most recent two posts [Found here. and here too].

The awesome Molly sent me an e-mail after reading my scheduled post for last week and asked if I needed to talk. The first thing I thought to do was to apologize for the negative posts and offer to write something else a bit more upbeat and cheery. Basically I was offering to put my feelings on the back burner because I was ashamed of them.

Yeah, brilliant idea for someone who is struggling with self-image and self-worth, right? Convince myself that my feelings were shameful, and I shouldn’t feel that way.</Sarcasm>

In falling back into a depressive state, I was challenged. I was challenged to keep my head on straight, function every day, and hide a lot of my feelings until later in the day when I was alone. It was very similar to being violently ill all day during work and not being able to go home.

You’re miserable, exhausted, and just want your bed, but you have to work all day long.

Two weeks later from the onset of my near emotional collapse, I’m feeling much better. I’m not as hopeless, and emotionally crazy as I was two weeks ago. The “bad case of the blues” passed much quicker than it typically does, and this is absolutely due in part to a list that I made of things that I was going to focus on. If you’re anything like me, having things down in a list is a magical thing.Staring those “to-do”‘s in the face gives me the drive to complete them. I wanted to share a few of the things that I did in hopes that if you find yourself having a tough week or even day, that these things may work for you too.

Schedule in some “Feel Bad” Time

There’s only one thing for certain when you’re feeling depressed/sad/mad – and that’s that you’re feeling depressed/sad/mad. Denying that is not only lying to yourself but it’s also not allowing yourself to feel what you want to feel.

“Just get happy” doesn’t work. At the same time, many of us have to put on that happy face for our jobs or even family members. This is completely fine, but make sure you allow yourself an hour or so later on in the day where you allow yourself to sit with your feelings. Whether you want to talk them over with a friend is up to you, but give yourself the permission to feel whatever emotions your heart wants to.

Don’t wait for clarity – Create it.

I’m the kind of person who revels in moments of complete and total clarity. These anticipated moments come at random times. Sometimes it happens when I’m sitting in a noisy bar with friends. Other times, it’s right before I fall asleep. It’s happened while seeing the Center City skyline at night. In these moments, I feel clear and at ease. I could sit with myself and that feeling forever, but it often fades when I come back down to earth.

One of my problems recently, is that these moments haven’t been occurring. I’m always worried about something or someone, and that moment of clarity…it just isn’t coming. I got angry waiting for it. That anger did absolutely nothing for me except ruin my mood even more. That’s the thing with life, sometimes these moments don’t come willingly. Sometimes, you have to create them.

Practice creating clarity by manually clearing your mind, instead of waiting for your mind to clear itself. Personally, I visualize all of my problems circling my head as if my brain is juggling them. One by one, I flick each one away from my head, and when the final problem is gone, I just sit with that feeling of being free from worry. Even if it just lasts a few moments, it’s enough to get me through and reset my mind a bit.

Write. Write. Write. Write. WRITE

I sometimes avoid writing when I’m feeling yuck-tastic. Mostly, because I’m afraid of what’s going to come out. Recently, I’ve been pushing myself to start writing when I’m feeling crappy. Sometimes, all that’s come out has been “I have absolutely nothing to say, I’m feeling horrible today.” I go back, read that sentence, and I find myself asking “Why do you feel horrible?” At which point, I fill in the blank with an answer. “…I’m feeling defeated. The project that I was banking on was given to someone else. I really thought I had it in the bag, but apparently I wasn’t good enough, and the other person was better.” 9 times out of 10, I end up putting myself in a third-person position, and I inspire the hell out of myself without even realizing it. Before too long, I find my brain turning to think as if I were giving someone the advice and forgetting that it’s actually me.

Maybe this won’t happen to you, but at the very least, you get these feelings out into the open. It’s kind of like throwing up after you’ve drank so much. You have all of that toxic stuff inside of you, and once you get it out, you feel so much better. Throwing up or writing about your issues isn’t the easiest thing, but that yucky stuff is often better out than in.

If Nothing Else – Treat Yourself

These haven’t been the easiest last few weeks. It’s really taken a lot out of me, but I’m recovering well. I’ve been very kind to myself, and given myself extra treats (like concert tickets to see Maroon 5 and Dave Matthew’s Band). I’ve let myself sleep an extra hour in the morning and take a little extra long shower. I bought a case of soda, which I’ve been trying to give up on, but have been craving. I’m forgiving myself for little mistakes that I’ve made, and being gentle to not put myself in situations that I know will be uncomfortable.

I’m focusing a lot more on myself, and I feel a bit better. I think my mind and body really were just begging for attention. Boy are they getting it.

When you’re feeling down and out, what do you do? Treat yourself to anything special?

*photo credit: [via]

Comments (7)

43347 ResponsesChasing+Away+The+Black+Cloud+2010-06-03+17%3A00%3A59Katie to “Chasing Away The Black Cloud”

Patrick Says:
June 3rd, 2010 at 9:57 am
(Fyi facebook connect isn't working, so pass that along to whomever is in charge of that)

I find the my mood can usually be changed my changing the people around me. Not permanently, I just enjoy the fresh faces and it takes my mind off of whatever was ailing me at the time.

But you're a tough cookie, and if nothing else, think back to other times when life was hard. We all managed to get this far somehow.
Tina Gunn Says:
June 3rd, 2010 at 10:45 am
I like the tip you make about putting yourself in a third-person position in dealing with an issue. I find that I always offer others incredible advice & can look at their problem with such clarity – but in dealing with my own issues, its always more of a challenge. So I am going to try that next time – face my problem as if its someone else telling me about their problem – and tell them (who is me) how to handle or look at it.

Thanks for sharing!
Katie [blogs] Says:
June 3rd, 2010 at 11:20 pm
Fresh faces does work, Mr. Patrick. However, the problem I run into is that no matter how many faces of people change, if I have a problem, it's still there. Nevertheless, I'm learning some awesome skills along the way.
Miranda Says:
June 3rd, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Thanks for the post. I too have been struggling with that dark cloud overhead recently, and damnit I want it to go away. For a long time I've been trying to find a magic fix for it all—even though I know that's impossible. Definitely think I'll take up your journaling advice, though!
Positively Present Says:
June 4th, 2010 at 11:55 am
Wonderful, inspiring post! I recent wrote a post about clouds that you might find interesting. Here's the link: http://www.positivelypresent.com/2010/05/beautifu…
Katie [blogs] Says:
June 4th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
That freakin' dark cloud is killer, isn't it? And, it's like, I don't WANT it there, I WANT to be happy, and I just don't know how to get there. I've also recently started seeing a therapist, which is so far (after one session) working well.

Here's to you finding your way through your black cloud, or at least, enjoying when the sun is shining through it
Katie [blogs] Says:
June 4th, 2010 at 4:14 pm
Exactly. I think it's somehow that we're such giving beings, but don't pay nearly enough time to ourselves.