How Does a Logical Person Define Love?

posted 1st June 2010    Written by: Nicole Antoinette    CATEGORY: Love/Relationships, Nicole Antoinette, Season 2, What I've Learned

Love is what we all have in common. And yet it’s the most impossible thing to describe. More than anything, love is our intangible common denominator.

I’m a logical person, a person who thinks things through, and then over-thinks them, and then thinks about them some more, and some more still – and yet I don’t know that I can define love. And the cliche about love, of course, is that you’ll know it when you’re in it, right?

I used to think it happened explosively. That love was something astronomically powerful that not only swept you off your feet, but knocked you down on your ass and soaked through your skin and became an overarching force that was impossible to ignore. But, what if that’s not it? What if love is quiet and soft? What if love is gradual and delicate? What if love isn’t an explosion, but is instead this calm feeling you get when you wake up one Wednesday morning and realize that there’s no where else you’d rather be than next to this person whose quirks make you laugh until you can’t breathe? What if, more than anything, love isn’t what all the romantic comedies have made us believe it is?

Over the past six years, I’ve thought a lot about love. I’ve defined it, I’ve been in it and out of it, I’ve thought I was in it and then realized that I wasn’t, I’ve wanted it, not wanted, and on and on.

Lately, I think I’ve stopped trying to define it and have started to believe that being in love is about more than just explosive emotion. And yet, it’s also about more than just finding someone to coexist with in the same space at the same time. Love is about finding someone who lights even your tiniest parts on fire, and everyone’s tiny parts are different. It’s about finding someone who makes you more you, who will even surprise you every now and then by knowing you better than you know yourself.

For me, it’s about finding someone who is as enthusiastic about cheese plates as I am, someone who thinks that when it comes to laughter, sex, and alcoholic drinks, the more intense the better. Love, for me, needs to be somewhat spontaneous, I need someone who will just up and take me on a cruise. Someone who won’t tease me because I have to wash things in a specific order in the shower (shampoo, face, conditioner, body), or who won’t laugh (too hard) when I’m hungover and can’t do anything except lay on one side with my eyes closed and ask repeatedly for someone to squeeze my head.

And you know what? Even after all the thought and the over-thought, after all the defining and the re-defining, what I want from love is actually quite simple: I want (as Chelsea said) a safe place to rest my lips. I want someone who will keep me in his heart because that’s where I’ll be warm and safe. I want someone who will look at me when I’m at my messiest and kiss me on the forehead, someone who thinks I’m lovely in the morning, and at night, and during all the in between times. I want someone who isn’t afraid to live, really live, who identifies what he wants from life and then demands it, loudly and without hesitation.

I want someone who won’t tell me that I’m his everything, because he has a full life of things that don’t revolve entirely around me. I want someone who can handle me, who can tame me in a way, simply by running his fingers down my spine and settling his hand on my lower back. Someone who knows how much I like to be whispered to and who isn’t scared off when I’m crying. Someone who can sense when I’m overwhelmed, who just knows when life is too much and who will, in those moments, stand close enough to me to block everything else out.

photo credit: le vent le cri

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Comments (15)

15 Responses to “How Does a Logical Person Define Love?”

  • Leland Says:
    June 1st, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    What a fantastic expression of something so complex. Love love love everything about it. AH! <3

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 12:11 am

    You're so sweet Leland, thanks!

  • dshan Says:
    June 1st, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    And here I was pigeon holing you as an edge-topic writer. This is beautiful, Nicole.

  • MandynotfamousMoore Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 1:33 am

    That was such an amazing post, I added it to my favorites to read over and over again. You really hit it, Nicole. Thank you!

  • Katie Says:
    June 1st, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    This is very well done, Nicole. I often was criticized in my last relationship because I wasn't over-the-moon happy. I was more peaceful; calm even. That's exactly what love does to me. I'm never drunk on love so much as calm on love.

    Awesome post, again! :)

  • Doniree Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 5:34 am

    I love this – and agree. I think there are bells and whistles moments, but I think that love with any depth comes in the quiet moments, the soft silences and the secure feelings you explain here when you say "a safe place to rest your lips" and being held in someone's heart.

  • Kim Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 5:59 am

    Love this too! Very beautifully written, and refreshingly honest as well. I don't think the explosive love fireworks even exist outside of movies – I think real-life love is much more subtle than that and none of us pay attention well enough to catch it. But when you do, it's that much sweeter because it's real and organic. You are a great writer!

  • suki Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    This is a lovely post on love. :)

  • Nicola Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    I think your definition is perfect. I laughed when I read "I have to wash things in a specific order in the shower (shampoo, face, conditioner, body)," because I'm the exact same!

  • Lidia Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Love this! My favorite post so far. It even brought a little tear to my eye. After reading this I definitly searched out by bf and thanked him for being him, then gave him a big kiss. I'm sure he'd thank you too.

  • Marian Schembari Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    I am so in love with this post it's not even funny. Actually Nicole, I think this is my favorite of yours. As I get older I've started realizing a lot of this stuff. Stuff that I initially thought meant I would be "settling" or not being romantic enough if I changed my perception of what love is. It is EXACTLY what you describe. Sometimes there's jaw dropping moments of romance and snot-inducing tears, but mostly it's much more beautiful and honest and brilliant than that. I like it better ;-)

  • Josef Says:
    June 12th, 2010 at 4:13 am

    I was about to comment on another post and then I scrolled to this and now I have to comment here first….you made me just sigh the deepest sigh.

  • Linda Says:
    June 26th, 2010 at 8:58 am

    I think this was one of the most beautiful and touching definitions of love. You’re amazing!

  • jolie jamie Says:
    July 19th, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    eeeek. I think i love you.

    In a platonic way.

    great writing/post/thoughts

    xx

    jamie

  • Roberto Says:
    September 12th, 2010 at 8:21 am

    This was a very well written blog. You really know how to express your emotions in words. I have been thinking for a long time now…what is love? I even believed for a while that love only exists for a short time then disappears. But what you wrote has changed the way I look at love now. Thank you!

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