The $60 Pot Of Tea

posted 29th June 2010    Written by: Nicole Antoinette    CATEGORY: Job/Career/Work, Money, Nicole Antoinette, Season 2

There’s a tea house here in San Francisco that sells, among it’s regularly priced items, a $60 pot of tea.

When I first saw it on the menu, I thought it had to be a typo. I mean, $60? For tea? I called the waitress over and asked and she told me that no, it wasn’t a typo and that a singular pot of that particular tea really did cost $60. I stared at her. She stared back.

I asked if the tea would either a) make me high or b) come over and do my laundry. She said no. I told her I was kidding. She didn’t laugh.

But I did. Well, until I didn’t. Until I realized that there are seriously people out there who spend $60 on tea. $60! On! Tea! Maybe everyone who does this is considerably older than me, I thought. Or maybe they’re trust fund babies. Or maybe they just know what in the hell they’re doing when it comes to being 25 and being smart with money at the same time.

Not that I’m bad with money, I’m not. I’m a meticulous (read: anal) budget keeper, I pay my quarterly taxes on time, I don’t have any credit card debt, and I still can’t fathom being able to spend $60 on tea without having a stroke over it. Being 25 feels like a weird financial age. It feels like an age where if you took a sample of the financial situations of the people I spend my time with, everything would be scattered and you wouldn’t get anything close to equal results.

In college, I felt like people were more or less operating on similar budgets – namely, everyone was broke.

Being broke was almost the hip-ish thing in college, wasn’t it? We all bonded by complaining about how expensive everything was, searching out the best possible drink deals, and signing for student loans we couldn’t imagine having to pay back. But after we graduated, we all went in different directions. I have friends who went the serious relationship route, joining their finances with someone else and plunging on toward marriage. I have friends who went straight to grad school, friends who jumped into the corporate thing, friends who moved back in with their parents, and then there’s me. I went from graduating early to a series of non-traditional jobs, one after another, and I’m still following a similarly road-map-free path. I’ve never had a 401K, never had any formal financial guidance, and am only now starting to give some thought to how I’m ever going to get out from under my student loans.

Which is why this little tea incident got me thinking. I mean, if being able to taste $60 tea without simultaneously crying about potentially being homeless is on my goal list, I should probably start forging a path to get there.

The hardest thing for me when it comes to money, though, is trying to figure out where to start. It all just seems so… surreal. Having enough money to retire one day? Owning a house? Paying off my student loans? Thoughts like that seem like some sick fantasy land that I’ll never reach. I took this financial fitness quiz last night, out of curiosity, and I scored a 51. Out of 100. Which seems like a rather epic failure, but apparently I’m pretty in line with other people in their 20s, struggling to find that balance between playing hard now and saving hard for later.

I find that that’s the biggest difference between people my age when it comes to money – the now vs. later question. I have some friends who will run up their credit cards for a good time, and then I have other friends who won’t pay more than $20 for dinner. Would it be easier if we were all in the same financial situation? Sure.

But, more than anything, I think it would be easier if money weren’t such a taboo topic, if friends were more comfortable discussing it in detail as if it were any other conversation.

*Disclaimer: This post is part of the 20SB Blog Carnival: Friends & Money, sponsored by Charles Schwab. Prizes may be awarded to selected posts. The information and opinions expressed in this post do not reflect the views or opinions of Charles Schwab. Details on the event, eligibility, and a complete list of participating bloggers can be found here.*

{photo credit: Photos8.com}

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Comments (15)

15 Responses to “The $60 Pot Of Tea”

  • Kaela Says:
    June 29th, 2010 at 10:29 am

    Ugh, money. You're right, it is the one topic that no one wants to talk about but everyone has a lot to say about it. It's pretty common amongst all my friends that we have either a) debt/loans to pay and/or b) things to save for, like houses. You're right, this is such a weird age, because everyone's financial situation is at least a little bit different. From paying back student loans to planning a wedding to having KIDS for goodness sakes, everyone has their own version of poor. Except for trust fund kids, and well, we won't even talk about them.

    I think the key to making the topic less taboo is to keep it a part of the conversation. My (close) friends and I have no problem toning down the plans to accomodate a tight budget, which we're all on. And though I was raised in a house that didn't really talk about money with each other and CERTAINLY not in front of people outside the family, I've come to realize it's a different age now. With everyone in so much debt, it's a pretty common denominator that's hard to avoid talking about!

  • Big L Says:
    June 29th, 2010 at 10:53 am

    This is one of my favourite Stratejoy posts yet! :-) Way to call out the nonsense of the money taboo!

    I too am an anal budget keeper and it boggles my mind that money is the one thing we all have in common – i.e. obsess about – but yet, approach in totally different ways. But instead of using that to our advantage by sharing perspectives, discussing lessons and mistakes, and bonding over our debt woes, we have to be all cryptic about it! I DO NOT GET IT!

  • bellerenee Says:
    June 29th, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    I love that you call them "trust fund kids." I went to a private college and.. well.. there were a lot of those. So the "everyone is poor, let's drink cheap beer!" experience never happened for me back then. (Everyone still drank cheap beer because it was trendy. Ugh.)

    I've always been uncomfortable discussing money. Like, it seriously makes me kind of hyperventilate and start to weep. I get a pit in my stomach when I spend more than $20. Really.

    One day I just want to be COMFORTABLE with money. I don't have delusions of being rich, I just want to not have to say NO because of my financial situation. A bottle of wine with dinner? Yes. A cruise to Mexico? Yes. A weekend in a forest preserve? Yes. A month of unlimited yoga? Yes. Lobster instead of chicken? Yes, please.

  • Tara Says:
    June 29th, 2010 at 11:32 am

    It is absolutely ridiculous that money is such a taboo subject.

    I think part of this is such a tough time for me(at least) is that I am still not completely independent of my parents financial support, so its very confusing to know what comes from me and what comes from them. Hopefully it will become easier as I become less dependent on them.

  • stephamus Says:
    June 29th, 2010 at 11:47 am

    I have to be honest, I don't know where I am financially other than I want to cry every time I think about it. Which obviously can't be a GOOD place. You're right, though. I wish it were as easy to talk about finances with your friends and peers the way it's obviously easy to talk about Nuvaring birth control (at least if those commercials with the girls sitting around casually talking about the risks are to be believed).

  • Natalie Says:
    June 29th, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    I got graduated, got married, and moved over the course of about 8 months last year. My husband has a "real" job for the first time, and I have a full-time paid internship. For the first time in our lives we're making some money! It feels great! But it feels like there's always more we could be doing. He didn't come into the relationship with any debts, but I have over 20k in student loans. Then we bought a car together, which added another 13k to that. We ran the numbers between our two salaries and decided that if we put every extra penny we had into our loans every month, we would be able to pay off my student loans in about a year.

    That sounds absolutely amazing but life doesn't work that way, haha. We like to eat out sometimes, or go see a movie, or buy a tv, and we might like to go on a vacation someday. And I really don't like my internship, so I'm leaving in a month to pursue my dreams (so there goes my salary contribution for a while). It might end up taking the full 10 years to pay off all our debts, and by then we'll probably have house debt and kid debt on top of it..

    There's kind of a sad feeling when you acknowledge that you might be living in debt for most of your life, but I don't think abstaining from all extra expenses to pay it off quickly is the answer either. After all, suppose you spent all of your time and money working to pay off your debts, then the day you pay the last bill, you get hit by a car? That's kind of extreme, but I guess it's just the idea of finding the balance between living for today and being responsible for and mindful of the future.

  • Natalie Says:
    June 29th, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Haha.. I just realized I accidentally wrote "got graduated". I know I'm from a southern town, but still… haha.

  • Alisha Says:
    June 30th, 2010 at 7:42 am

    Money is hard to talk about…and I think, especially for women. I just wrote a post on my own blog recently about how I listened to an interview with this really great female entreprenuer. It was all about women, business and money and she said, "It's okay if your intention is money." And I think you could feel a collective sigh, lol.

    For a lot of women, money seems like a man's thing. It's kind of archaic and foolish, if you think about it. But no body wants to be called a gold digger, or a miser, and some people are embarassed to talk about how they *are* successful with their money. I wish I had known the things at 21 that I do now; life would be much more pleasant ;)

  • The Big Man Says:
    June 30th, 2010 at 8:12 am

    Hmm. I see a lot of commiserating here but no real solutions, so I'll offer some from my personal experience. I'm not a financial planner, but I've been around the financial block.

    1. Get started. A budget (hooray for you) is a great start to know where you are actually at. Most ignore the numbers and "hope" things will get better. They won't. Look at your problem in the eye.

    2. Get a plan. Like Natalie suggests – you have to be realistic and PLAN to have a life. If you put a good plan together that you actually believe in, you can stick with it. Double what you THINK you spend on incidentals. Yes, alcohol needs to be a line item.

    3. Start saving. Regardless of your income, pay yourself SOMETHING first (before any of your bills). Put it in a real savings account that is not just really a checking account (that you withdraw from). This is the power of inertia at work. Until you start, you won't ever develop any momentum. Once you see small amounts adding up you'll stay with the savings plan. Automating this is a good idea. Use a different bank – maybe a CU so it's out of sight and out of mind.

    4. Six months. Put away 6 months worth of bills in a liquid savings account before you "invest" anywhere else – including paying off debt, or your 401k, or any where else. I call this "Fuck You" money because it will give you the ability to not compromise your principals when faced with a ethical dilemma. Knowing you can survive for 6 months will give you the ability to live authentically and true to yourself and have a backbone. Sleazy asshole boss? Dickhead boyfriend? Don't put up with their crap. This is the most important financial advice I can give you – trust me on this one.

    5. Avoid debt like the plague. Put your debt reduction plan in place once your 6 months are in the bank. Until then, keep saving and pay yourself first.

    6. Simplify. Are you really taking pleasure from the things that you spend money on? A nine dollar cocktail when you're broke? $70 a month for cable TV? Get in touch with what really makes you happy that also makes financial sense and do that. Make choices in line with your values, and your value.

    7. Say No. Until you have the guts to say "Sorry, that's not in my budget" with a smile you'll never be in control of your emotions about money – which is half the battle. Give a gift from the heart for the next wedding shower instead – it will actually be the gift they remember.

    8. Read. Suze Orman would be a good start. Educate yourself on money. Attend free seminars (but don't buy anything). You have an emotional relationship with money. The sooner you figure that out the better. The reason it's emotional is because it's scary and intimidating, and that's because you haven't educated yourself on the topic.

    9. When you are ready for financial advice – use only a pay for service professional whom you pay for their time, not someone who "makes money when you make money" because they are only thinking about themselves, and not your best interests.

    10. Date handsome older men. :-)

  • nicoleisbetter Says:
    June 30th, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    Standing slow clap for this advice. Seriously, thank you for taking the time to write all of this!

  • LiLu Says:
    June 30th, 2010 at 11:11 am

    I'm glad my friends are still okay with being all "I'm poor, where's the $2 beer tonight?"

    But probably, I should just grow up a little.

    Nahhhhhhhhh.

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    June 30th, 2010 at 11:28 pm

    I know! How adorable! Thanks Fiance!

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    June 30th, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    Seriously- I was there 1.5 years ago- so stressed out over things that I just ignored it… But I speak from experience- finally sitting down and figuring out EXACTLY where my money went and what I owed and how long of working some extra gigs it was going to take me to level out felt amazing freeing. The situation still sucked, but at least I felt like I had some control over it.

    Face the beast. That's my vote.

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    June 30th, 2010 at 11:31 pm

    Hellls yes. I'm in for the bottle of wine and forest preserve!

  • Link love (Powered by hummus and honey mustard) « Musings of an Abstract Aucklander Says:
    July 3rd, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    [...] Nicole marvels at a $60 pot of tea and wonders just who would want to buy one. Which reminds me of our first trip to the Farmer’s Market this week, where I saw the most divine looking berry and custard Danish… for a whopping $4. So it’s not quite on the same unbelievable scale, but it’s getting up there. (That pastry is still haunting me. I think I just might have to splash out next time, if they’re still selling em.) [...]

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