Friends in Black and White and Pretty Shades of Blue

posted 15th July 2010    Written by: Katie    CATEGORY: Katie, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 2

I just spent an hour and a half listing all of the people that I know into the following three categories:

The Top Notch: “You Want It, They Got It” (The Close Friends)
Mediocre: “Occasional Check In” (The Busy Ones)
Another Brick In The Wall: “Yeah, I know him/her”. (…I think  can still spell their last name.)

I made a list of 10 qualities that I look for in friends; 5 emotional requirements and 5 character traits. I did a strictly timed 2 minute brainstorm of the people in my life and wrote them all down. Then, I went through each person, and gave them one point for each quality that they posses that I seek.

It was one of the most enlightening, disappointing, and baffling things that I’ve done all week. I was amazed at where people fell when I took a look at solid facts rather than emotional connections. One of my favorite people and dare I say “best friend” of several years almost didn’t rank.

It sounds kind of depressing and sad, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t shed a few salty ones over it. It has affected me much as a breakup with a significant other would. Hell, I’m pretty sure she was my significant other for nearly 3 years. Just, you know, without the sex. I went through the denial phase, the angry phase, the “I’ll just get someone to replace you” phase, and now I’m well into the acceptance stage.

If I didn’t make a set of rules for each category and keep an actual score then I would have put her in the “Top Notch” category right away. This is just solid proof of how emotions can blind you of the solid facts and value that someone has in your life. I see it all of the time in romantic relationships, especially those that are toxic, but people stay in them anyway because there are so many emotions involved. Sometimes, you need to separate yourself from the emotions, and focus on the black and white.

I’m not planning on living life in Black and White all of the time. Things happen, people go through things, and friends earn free-passes to be assholes sometimes. If I were to take stock of my friends everyday, it’d be like the stock market. I wouldn’t be able to follow the ups and downs, crashes and recoveries. As long as my current circle of friends remain in the black*, then we’re all good.

The Quarterlife Crisis has been a real bitch. Even bitches have their purpose though. In some ways, the QLC has been really convenient for me. I had friends going into it, I met friends during it, and the ones that remain now are surely keepers. They’ve dealt with me at my worst, and now they get to experience my best.  Lucky them. Moreso, lucky me.

*Sidenote: “In the Black” sounds depressing, contrary to it’s actual meaning of being “profitable”. Maybe we should file a motion to change that saying to something more cheerful. Like “In the Pink”.

Update: Just Googled “in the pink” to see if it was taken as an analogy. Whoops. Mistake.

Let’s go with “In the pretty shade of blue”.


*Photo (via).


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Comments (2)

2 Responses to “Friends in Black and White and Pretty Shades of Blue”

  • emmajoan Says:
    July 19th, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    Oh man I want to try this exercise but am also terrified of it!

  • Katie [blogs] Says:
    July 20th, 2010 at 4:41 am

    It shook me up like no other. The awesome thing though, is that you kind of realize what you want, and if you're not getting it, then why are you wasting your time? There are so many connections to make out there. Imagine the awesomeness of friendships and relationships that are healthy.

    Amazing….juuuust saying. :)

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