Defining My Values

posted 21st August 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Renee, Season 3, Spirituality

I completed the Joy Equation in February 2010.  As part of Week One, I was instructed to identify my eight core values. This was new territory for me.  My values?  No one has ever asked about my values. The only time I ever hear the word “values” is when the religious right shouts about “family values” which is really just a band-aid for bigotry. I had to warm up to the word. What are my values?

At first, with my Catholic background, I thought about the Beatitudes, from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount.

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall possess the land.
Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice’s shake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
(Matthew 5:3-10)

Peace? Yeah, okay, that sounds good. Justice? Sure. Merciful? Acceptable. Poor in spirit? Meek? Mourning? I get it, but those aren’t my values. I don’t want to lie down at the end of each day and ask myself, “Renee, were you poor in spirit today?” It doesn’t seem motivating.

I had to dig deeper. My Catholicism still clenched me in its grasp. I thought about the seven spiritual works of mercy.

1. Instruct the ignorant.
2. Counsel the doubtful.
3. Admonish sinners.
4. Bear wrongs patiently.
5. Forgive offenses willingly.
6. Comfort the afflicted.
7. Pray for the living and the dead.

Ah! Here we go. Teach. Counsel. Console. Forgiveness. Compassion. Patience. Peace. We’re getting closer. Thanks, St. Thomas of Aquinas, for teaching me about mercy.

The Joy Equation states, “Our core values are the habits of our heart.” What makes my heart cry out? What moves me to action? What would I fight to for the right to enjoy and experience?

I narrowed down a long, long list with notes in the margins reminding myself “not what I should choose, rather what resonates with me.” Finally, I came up with eight. And then I defined them.

Honesty – Being honest with myself and others, telling the truth, saying what I mean, and always having good, open communication.

Peace – Being at peace with myself, things in my life that I can’t change, and cutting back on the arguing to focus on the greater good. “Good enough is good enough.” –Jane Fonda

Love – Keeping love in my heart and showing it at all times, making everyone feel special and worth of my time. Radiate Love.

Patience – Knowing what matters enough to stress me out and what’s not worth my worries. Keeping my temper in check. Taking deep breaths and going slowly. Keep calm and carry on.

Joy/Humor – Smiling and laughing more than frowning and crying. Finding humor in unfavorable situations. Being able to laugh at myself. Enjoying the company of others. Finding my fun.

Compassion – Knowing when others need my help, a second chance, or a compromise. Putting myself in others’ shoes. Being flexible to accommodate the needs of others when they need it most.

Passion – Recognizing the drive I need to go after what I want. Taking life by the horns. Fearlessly pursuing the things I love. Making time to do things for me.

Authenticity – Knowing what’s best when I need it most. Staying true to myself. Putting my needs first. Taking time to fix #1. Not compromising my values. Doing what I need to do. Not being fake. Giving 100% all the time but knowing what 100% is.

When you wrap up my values and put a pretty bow on them, you can see the Beatitudes and spiritual works of mercy trickling through them… but you can also see my liberal arts education and my ferocious feminism. I can tell where I’m trying to reel in my Type A, Arian personality, trying to cool off my fire sign. I can tell where I’m trying to open my heart just a little more, to soften my rough edges and let a little more light in.

There’s something empowering about naming your values and doing your best to adhere to them, something very tenacious and gritty that I love.  It makes for one hell of a personal journey.

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Comments (10)

10 Responses to “Defining My Values”

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 21st, 2010 at 10:21 am

    So interesting that it brought up so much religion for you; I came at it from a completely different angle. Also, joy and love are two of my values too (and creativity, balance, exploration, achievement, clarity and trust) but I defined them very differently than you did. Isn't it interesting how the same exercise, the same word, can bring completely different things out of two people on a very similar journey? That's the beauty of the JE – it pushes you to dig deep and find your authentic answers & in that, you start understanding yourself. :) Thanks for sharing your values!

  • Amanda Says:
    August 22nd, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    Excellent post! My Catholic upbringing always comes back to me too, especially when I least expect it. Although reading Aquinas in college made me want to bang my head against a wall sometimes it also helped me in defining my values.

  • Mandy Says:
    August 22nd, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    I wonder which values I will come up with when I start the Joy Equation. Reading yours, as a fellow Aries, I certainly feel that to put "Peace" and "Patience" into practice in my own life would net huge results.

  • Alisha Says:
    August 22nd, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    Yes, yes. That first week of Joy Equation where you figure out your values is incredibly enlightening and empowering. I am still running those exercises through my head, trying to digest them so that I can really live them again.

  • Renee Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 9:04 am

    The Joy Equation can totally surprise you in this way. Identifying and defining your values is so clarifying, isn't it?

  • Renee Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 9:05 am

    It definitely threw me off guard when I realized being asked to "identify your values" brought up so much Catholicism for me.

  • Renee Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 9:05 am

    Patience, patience, patience…. this one has taken a LOT of practice!!

  • Renee Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 9:06 am

    I have to consciously remind myself of my values often so I remember to wholly uphold them all.

  • chrissarose Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 9:44 am

    I finished the Joy Equation in June and the defining values activity was one of my favorites! It was odd because values are always something you have but you never actually sit down and spell them out. It was such an eye-opener and I felt awesome being able to choose what I wanted to choose and being able to shut out the "shoulds" that are ever-present. I am planning a block of time this week where I am going to go back and read through my JE book and journal and re-evaluate and check up on myself to see if I am honoring everything as I should be. Reading the new season's blogs are a great way to stay connected to everything the JE has brought out in me! Awesome post and I can't wait to see/read more about your journey!

  • Renee Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 11:13 am

    I like to revisit my Joy Equation weekly at the very least. I've started a new journal, though… I feel my JE journal needs to act as its independent piece. This new journal was started today. You'll read more about the journey that started today soon!!

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