Dreaming in the City of Angels

posted 25th August 2010    Written by: Nikki    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Job/Career/Work, Nikki, Season 3

I gotta be honest with y’all, I’m having a really hard time writing this post.  Even though I’ve been incredibly open in my last three posts, this, somehow, makes me feel more naked.  I have to tell you my dreams – dreams I’ve wanted since I knew how to dream, dreams I’d thought were dead and then were rekindled, dreams I’ve recently discovered I have.  I find myself gauging your reactions – will you think my dreams silly?  Stupid?  Selfish?  Boring?  Generic?  I’m showing you a little hidden piece of my heart, so please, be kind.  Here goes…

I dream of being onstage, with an audience’s adoration roaring in my ears and lights glinting off my eyelashes.  Of standing ovations and acceptance speeches.  I dream of sitting in a dark theatre and forgetting it’s my face onscreen, sharing a cathartic moment with a  group of strangers.  I dream of collaboration; long, long days on set or in the wings, knowing we’re making something amazing and working through that giddy sense of exhaustion to an explosion of creativity.

I dream of creating everyday.  Of the freedom and discipline in sitting down and writing, every day.  I dream of the perfect words to describe a feeling or a place, and the perfect reading of a line.  I dream of a book jacket with my name on it.  I dream of a paycheck earned in ways that make me feel more alive instead of less than human.

I dream of a home that is mine in a city I love.  A home that is cozy and colorful and full of sunshine.  One that welcomes laughter, music, and comfortable silence.  I dream of an ever-blooming garden with twinkly lights in the trees and cocktail parties in the grass.  Of soft puppies and snuggly blankets.

I dream of a big big love.  A man who thrills me beyond reason but has all the reasons to justify that thrill.  My partner in every sense; balanced in respect, love, trust, and passion.  I dream of knowing it’s right beyond all my doubts and fears and stubborn independence.  I dream of an ability to communicate honestly and a shared view of life as much more than the white picket fence.  Of a marriage where we choose to be together while both retaining our sense of self.  I dream of a loving healthy little family that explores together and is not limited by money, location, or outside expectations.  I dream of best friends and family being much closer than a plane ride away.

I dream of adventure.  Of traveling the world and stepping foot on every continent, in every ocean.  I dream of eating with locals and learning languages, of getting lost and proving to myself I can find my way again.  I dream of scuba diving caves and wrecks, of stomping grapes and exploring pyramids, of total immersion bringing me totally present in the moment.

I dream of the self-awareness, clarity and balance to pull me through whatever lies ahead, and keep me grateful for the joys in my life.  Of self-confidence and complete comfort in my own skin.  I dream of eliminating “should” and “settle” from my vocabulary.  Of re-cultivating my inner 5-year-old and her imagination.  I dream of costume parties and cartwheels through sprinklers on hot days.  I dream of goofy grins and laughing till my sides hurt, and then laughing more.  I dream of sweet tea and hammocks and watching for shooting stars.  I want bubbling, tear-inducing, uncontainable joy.

“Nothing happens unless first we dream.”  -Carl Sandburg

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Comments (22)

22 Responses to “Dreaming in the City of Angels”

  • Julie Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 9:37 am

    Nikki, I love your dreams! Actually, they're a lot like mine.:)
    Simple at times, yet never ordinary. And often also bold and ambitious.

    It's no joke : less than an hour ago, I was taking a walk on my lunch break, thinking about how I feel the mission to make my dreams come true in order to PROVE to the world that it's not being unrealistic to go after what we really deeply want and dream of. I want people to stop talking themselves out of their dreams because they are afraid. Stop listening to pessimist popular beliefs that say we should be happy with an average copy/paste life. I want people to believe that they deserve the very best, the greatest joy. And that it's not out of reach.

    Reading your post, I couldn't help but think "It's kinda crazy how Gen Y girls' dreams are a lot alike…"
    And if find it so exciting! 'Cause we'll sure encourage each other to go after them.
    And together we'll make GREAT LIVES possible to more people by slowly changing the culture we live in.
    Gen Y rock!

  • Just Me Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 11:41 am

    I dream of creating very day, well into the night, with amazing people too…

    And that Big Love? Yeah. All the way. Totally. :)

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 11:44 am

    Amen, sister!!!! We have more freedom than any generation before us & we're out to make the most of it! In 20 years we're going to look back with joy at these lives we've consciously and authentically created… while we sip cocktails together in my twinkly yard. :)

  • Lindsey Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 11:58 am

    I recently read this annoyingly negative article about how overly ambitious Gen Y tends to be, holding a sense of self-importance that is too much at times. And it kind of made me feel a little guilty for being so self-centered and focused on what I really WANT versus what I'll get if I don't try.

    Thanks for the reminder that we all deserve our big dreams. And I agree with Julie – we have so many similar dreams!

  • emmajoan Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    Yeah I've been struggling with this "dream thing," too. I mean, are we all allowed to be special? Doesn't a vast majority of people have to be "normal?" Who am I to dare to be in the "special" category?

    But you know what? I want to live in a world where business and living revolves around everyone being happy and feeling special, not in a world where it relies on a vast majority of boring, normal people.

    Go Nikki go! Thanks for being brave!

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    Well, of course you do, cause we're going to be creating together…! :)

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    Yeah, I think the people who say we can't have our big dreams & we're being selfish just don't get it because they never had the balls to go after theirs. "Selfish" gets a bad rap – if you don't show up for yourself & take care of yourself first, you're no help to anyone else. If we're self-aware, self-propelled and achieve our best life, we'll be happy and productive members of society, and great role models for the next generation.

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    Yeah, it's easy to feel guilty for going for something bigger but I'm with you – this is MY life and I don't want to settle for just OK. What's "normal" anyway? Go Emma Joan go, make those big dreams happen!!!

  • Emily Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    You know, I've been thinking of this too. Because, as someone above has already said, there's a lot in Nikki's dreams that we all feel – we want to be somewhere, be doing something that makes us feel *right*, feel *alive* and joyful to be alive.

    And really, there's nothing in that that we can't all have right? Why should anybody settle for normal, boring and "good enough"? Wouldn't the world be a better place if all of us were doing what made us come alive?

    Just my two cents

    and PS: Nikki, I totally and completely admire how courageous you are being to share your dreams with us. Thank you.

  • ErinMakesItWork Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    Be a dreamer. It will carry you far. There are not bad dreams, only ones that will shape the way you live you life.

  • Lizzie Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 7:02 am

    It was wonderful reading your post because you've put my dreams into the words that I couldn't. I've been feeling a little low today…when you decide to change your life no-one really tells you how long that process is going to be so there are bound to be days when you feel like your just about keeping your head above water. But reading your post has made me feel so much better. Its reminded me that there are so many women like me out there and I feel a little less lonely now

    Thanks :D xx

  • Lorrin Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 8:16 am

    Wow. those are big (and ATTAINABLE) dreams! Beautifully described, my jaw dropped a little. It's all possible!! "I dream of sweet tea and hammocks and watching for shooting stars." – Me too =)

  • CharityAyn Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 8:25 am

    These are beautiful dreams, and ones that resonate inside me, too. Stage and writing and love and laughing with good friends and travel…when I think of a perfect life, those are the five things that must be in it. I want to do something to reach out and touch other people's imaginations, and spark their own desire to create, to be, to enjoy.

    I think that's what keeps the flame going for everyone.

    Thank you for reaching out and being brave enough to write this and share and spread the glow a little bit farther. :-)

  • Ali Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 11:28 am

    This post is perfect. Good for YOU.

  • Alisha Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    darn it. since becoming a mother i cry at the drop of a hat. and i'm totally fighting back the tears. and so i'll leave it at that. may all your dreams come true :)

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 11:05 am

    so true.

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 11:06 am

    Thank you for commenting – it makes ME feel less lonely too. :) We're in this together, all us lovely ladies, striving for our best lives… which are totally achievable, even if it takes some time. xx

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 11:07 am

    guess what? I'm drinking sweet tea right now!! Meet up with me & we'll find a hammock to watch the night sky from!

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 11:09 am

    thanks, girl!

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 11:10 am

    aww you are so cute! May all your dreams come true too (and they will – we'll watch each other as they do!) xx

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 11:11 am

    I love what you say about touching other people's imaginations – to spark the glow in someone else – that's magic. thank you!

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 11:14 am

    I totally agree!! If everyone were doing what made them feel alive, there'd be no "day jobs" and no job dissatisfaction; think of how much happier we'd all be! Thanks, Emily. :)

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