Life Is Not a Lottery, Winning and Happiness are a Choice

posted 15th August 2010    Written by: Lindsey    CATEGORY: All Posts, Life Lesson, Lindsey, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

Ever since I grew into the moody little sparkplug of twelve or so, I’d always have the same wish when I blew out the candles on my birthday cake: “To be happy.”

Vague, right? But, I figured, if I were just happy, everything else in my life would magically fall into place. Woo hoo! Happiness fairy! Thank you for finally granting my wish! Now I am truly alive!

Yep. Not how life works, much to the chagrin of my naïve young self.

I wouldn’t say I lived an unhappy life, just unconscious. Unaware of who I was or what I wanted, and therefore, unable to even begin to understand my happiness. I didn’t have my priorities worked out, because that required introspection. To just exist, glide along, and fill the societal-defined mold of “success” as I had done, doesn’t really require any inner work.

The ability to Do-What-I-Want and Live-My-Best-Life didn’t exist in my mind, when obligations to grades or career responsibilities were more valued than taking time to explore the concept of passion and authentic happiness.

Happiness, for me, is a choice to be passionate rather than stoically blindly driven towards someone else’s vision of success.

Last year, I left on a post-college freedom fighting tour of the country, seeking to do only things that made me happy. It was amazing. I had time to breathe, and be introspective, and get the butterflies you can only get from fully immersing yourself within your passions and experiencing complete happiness.

But I hit a wall. Enter: Quarterlife Crisis.

Or, several months of optimistically flipping from “ah, I’m a snowboarder and a traveler and I’ll start a business and be free to do whatever I want!” and “life is awesome and full of happiness. I can just keep on livin’ on the fringe and do what I love.” to “holy shit I am a complete failure!” and “If one more jackass drinks 8 diet cokes with their Applebee’s Fiesta Lime Chicken dinner I will bring a samurai sword to work!”

(Oh, hi, by the way, I am kind of crazy. In an endearing way.)

I was successful in defining my happiness and dreams, but achieving them with a minimum wage job sucks. Turning towards a responsible life: well… but… I DID that already…and it definitely didn’t feel authentic. Yet something was still missing from my life.

There is a part of me that loves to dance like crazy, jump off cliffs, laugh far too loud than any situation will demand. That feeling I get snowboarding deep powder or lifting off in a trans-continental jet or (well, there is a lot, I will spare you). These things make me happy. They are my passions; they make me feel alive.

On the flip-side, I have deep sense of responsibility. Not the lame “oh, I must make money to put in my 401K” but a sense that I have something to contribute to the world (other than awesomely-bad dance moves). And just thinking about following through on this, makes me feel even more alive.

I know what makes me happy, and I now know how to have it. But my mission has evolved to more than be happy but rather to define, create, and live out loud, a completely authentic life.

I’m a person of extremes. Driven, passionate, and hopelessly dramatic. Since I don’t actually plan on living in Crazytown forever, finding balance is super important. Actually, I am working on my Joy Equation this month and have declared BALANCE one of my Core Values!

This Quarterlife Crisis revolves around finding balance in the far edge of extremes. In creating a life where it’s okay to live completely, authentically as yourself. Sometimes that means cliff jumping and hiding out on a secluded beach for weeks on end. But other times it’s about contribution, of the mind and heart, to something greater, evening if that something greater is simply being the best person you can be, and sharing that with your world.


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Comments (16)

16 Responses to “Life Is Not a Lottery, Winning and Happiness are a Choice”

  • Alisha Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 7:53 am

    I'm working through Joy Equation right now too and defining those core values was definitely an eye-opener! I definitely agree that being responsible is more than just saving up money for a 401k :) It's so hard to de-brainwash yourself. Oh, to live a life full of passion! I think the world would be a much better place if we all did this.

  • Steph Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 8:02 am

    We have pretty much the same life! Except I am 30 and I wish i was at this point a big younger. What matters is that we made it here and are acting through our authentic self. We are the ones who make things happen in this world! I too am struggling with balance and trying to figure out how i can make a steady income by doing what i love. I’ll be sure to keep an eye out for your future posts. Thanks!

  • Lindsey Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 8:38 am

    De-brainwashing is SO hard! My Joy Plan is my bible right now. Not even joking, it feels like that little book is my connection to the actual me, when I feel surrounded by people pressuring me to rejoin the status quo.

  • Heather Rae Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 8:57 am

    Ooh, love this post. I too struggle with doing what makes me happy in the moment (dancing, art, writing, crazy adventure trips) and doing something that contributes on a deeper level to the world. Finding balance between the two is key, and something I'm yet to fully discover. It's good to know I'm not alone in that pursuit. Thanks for this. :)

  • Marianne_A Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 9:50 am

    I could identify when you said achieving your dreams with a minimum wage job sucks but that you already tried turning to a responsible life and didn't like that too much. Same boat here. I'm interested in how you're going to find the middle ground between those things because it's what I'm struggling with now. Best wishes!

  • Lindsey Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 9:51 am

    Woo hoo! Team Gutsy Girls on our way to find this elusive answer!

  • Alisha Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 10:37 am

    I am just now starting week 2, but yeah, I totally know what you mean. I keep going through week 1's exercises, trying to make sure I've got those values ingrained :)

  • Lindsey Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 10:53 am

    I'm interested in how I'll do that too :) Keep reading and the story shall unfold as it happens!

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 10:58 am

    I love this. Balance is one of my core values too!! And I think it's interesting that you say you thought if you were happy, everything else would magically fall into place – obviously it doesn't work that way in a generic form of "happy," but I do believe that when you are authentically happy & following your passions, letting go of the outcome, everything else DOES somehow fall into place. So it's all coming, you're on the right path – all of us here are. :) Can't wait to hear your experiences with JE week 2 & your best future life! xx

  • Najela Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    I wouldn’t say I lived an unhappy life, just unconscious. I love this statement.

  • Lindsey Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    Thank YOU Steph! And age… that has been a subject on my mind a lot lately… and I sometimes wish I had started younger too. But regret, it's just a waste of energy, and knowing that what I'm doing NOW is something I can't regret, that feels pretty sweet. It's all about celebrating the process, right?

  • Lindsey Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    Thanks Nikki! My definition of balance is one I beefed out a bit more as I kept going through the process – because I do enjoy the extremes of life – I just don't want to drown in them. Balance in the extreme? Hmmm… it's a work in progress.

  • Lindsey Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    I think it's a prevailing issue in modern society, to not even be aware that you can make the choice to be aware. Crazy, eh? Thanks for the love :)

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    August 16th, 2010 at 9:48 am

    You guys! I want to hear all your values and what they mean to you and see your artwork!!! Email me or post on the Facebook wall!! (I think I need to take my own course! It's been almost 2 years since I worked through it all for myself. You just re-inspired me!)

    (And LOVE this post, L. I loved that you said you were living an "unconscious" life, because that's exactly how I felt. And I can't tell you how many times I repeated the phrases "conscious choices" and "deliberate living" in the workshop yesterday to explain WHY we were doing what we were you doing!)

  • Manderz Says:
    August 18th, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Your talk of snowboarding is bringing back so many happy memories for me that I keep burying (for some stupid reason!). So, thank you.

  • stratejoy season 3 – the end & the beginning Says:
    January 30th, 2011 at 10:35 am

    [...] Life is Not a Lottery [...]

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