Big Life Decisions: The Things That Shaped Me

posted 12th August 2010    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: Events, Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Marian, Season 3, Travel, Travel/Adventure

During the final days of Season 2, Molly, Nicole, Heather and Katie asked each other some really kick ass questions. Questions I found myself journaling about later.

Molly wants us to reveal more of our life story and past. To do that I want to answer the question “What do you consider the most important event in your life so far?”

I can’t pretend this is an easy answer, and since no one actually asked me the question, I’m going to make my own rules and give you more than one event that shaped my big life.

The first “big life event” was my childhood sweetheart, K. We started dating when we were 13 and broke up at 20. Seven years of my life were devoted to this boy (we were hardly adults) and being in that relationship influenced how I grew up and how I see love now. For a very long time I defined myself based on that relationship. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 and it was horribly unhealthy, unyielding and unhappy to its core.

It’s been almost 4 years since that horrendous, gut-wrenching break-up and it’s funny how something that tore me up then has little importance on my life now. That said, it resulted in some serious commitment issues, an almost-too-fierce independence and more than a little cynicism. So if I want to learn more about who I am, I need to understand that one-third of that person was shaped by another.

The next big event was my move to London in 2007. After said break-up (of course – Eat, Pray, Love anyone?) I left the US on a whim and did a solo backpacking trip through Europe. After years of having to ask permission, I felt finally free. Free to live my life according to my own terms.

I took off to the Amalfi coast on a whim. I swam naked in the Adriatic. I drank until I couldn’t see (never again!) and got lost in the streets of Rome. I visited 7 countries in 30 days and learned how to say “Do you speak English?” in French, Italian, German and Croatian. It was, by far, the biggest adventure of my life. It was when I finally proved I was capable, enthusiastic, passionate and a more than a little kick ass.

When I finally arrived in London I created a life. I studied for a while, got my first apartment, supported myself and continued to travel – everywhere from Norway to Morocco. That Norway trip was also when I met Sam and, as you know, the rest of that story is sort of history.

Thirdly, the Facebook ads that helped me land a job? That small event I pulled out of my ass one night launched my current career and while it may not be perfect, I work for myself and I essentially owe those damn advertisements for showing me it’s possible. I’m also aware how much being a part of social media has changed my personality. I’m more outgoing, friendly, opinionated, and generally chock full of ideas for my future and the way that I want my life to turn out.

Being part of the Joy Equation and blogging here with you fine folk is giving me the opportunity to really evaluate myself so I can live my best life. I feel like explaining why that’s important is a little silly, because doesn’t everyone want to be happy? Doesn’t everyone want their best life? Doesn’t everyone want to live a life of authentic joy?

I’m not so sure. People have been living for millennia without practicing any sort of personal development, so that shit must just come with time and life experience, right? Right? But I’m looking at people my parent’s age – my grandparent’s age – and thinking, “I don’t want to be that.” I don’t want to look back on my life and not be extraordinarily happy. My memories of my travels and loves and new friendships are the memories that make me think, “Dude! Why shouldn’t I make my entire life one big, awesome, juicy memory? Why I am settling now?” But I have no idea where to start. I don’t know what to evaluate or how to define my life in a way that’s going to make me who I want to be.

What I do know is, I’ve always been honest to the point of (sometimes rude) bluntness, but I rarely practice that same “call it as I see it” with myself. I think if I could find a way to do that I could open up an entire world, an entire life of possibility.

So here’s to starting now.



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Comments (15)

15 Responses to “Big Life Decisions: The Things That Shaped Me”

  • Doniree Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am

    "I don’t want to look back on my life and not be extraordinarily happy." – It's that sentiment that totally shapes my life – when I get to the end, when it's all said and done… I want to look back and be like "YES. I NAILED THAT."

  • speaksoftlyandcarryaredpen Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 8:03 am

    Great post! I often find myself asking for permission. Constantly. It's something I'm trying to break free of, and this post really resonated. I loved it!

  • elizjade Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 8:27 am

    love it!

  • Melissa Breau Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 8:50 am

    Hey lady – personally, I think the trick to living a life that you can look back and be happy with is surrounding yourself with people who will push you to be the person you want to be and hold you accountable – when you pause before doing something awesome, they grab your hand and pull you along.

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 9:10 am

    Love this post Marian. Truly. My goal in life used to be to be happy… But I didn't really know what that meant. I've refined it a bit to figure out all that it is that makes me happy and string as many for those moments together as I possibly can, while living in the present and accepting all that I am. The short version? Celebrate life. All of it!

    I loved what Melissa said about surrounding yourself with people who support you in your quest. So, so important!

    That said, I'm here for you as you figure it out. I imagine you're well on your way, sweetness.

  • Alisha Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 9:54 am

    Me either! That's my greatest fear: looking back on life and realizing that I wasn't extraordinarily happy.

  • Lauren Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 10:59 am

    This post made me happy. It's funny to look back at the little decisions in your past that shaped such big changes. Even funnier to think back to the first gleam that led to the little decision that led to the life event! (The absurdly cheap ticket to Oslo on RyanAir => Sam!)

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 11:50 am

    There is no reason why the endpoint needs to be defined now. I think you are defining yourself by saying, I don't want to look back and not be happy. You will be happy because you are embracing life at every turn. You're ready for the journey and that makes you more courageous than many people I know.

  • Big L Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    “But I’m looking at people my parent’s age – my grandparent’s age – and thinking, ‘I don’t want to be that.’”

    You said it, sister! Which sometimes is weird to talk about with people our parents age, or our parents themselves, doesn’t it? Because it feels kind of rude to say to someone “whatever you did? that’s not good enough for me”

    But I try to look at it as building on what they did; on taking our dreams and aspirations another step further…many many steps.

    Awesome post!

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    hells yeah, lady!! Ditto on the boy, ditto on the travel, ditto on the big, big life I want to look back on when I'm old & grey. There's no room for fear or dishonesty – there is so much juicy life out there for us to soak up – let's do it!!!!

  • marianschembari Says:
    August 13th, 2010 at 1:16 am

    Lauren, you were SO part of that big event, how funny is that! If you and I hadn't hit it off so quickly in London we never would have gotten on that RyanAir flight. If we hadn't gone to Oslo I wouldn't have met Sam and I wouldn't be in London typing this right now. How freaking CRAZY. Love you girl!

  • marianschembari Says:
    August 13th, 2010 at 1:18 am

    You are so so sooooo right. I think I learned from that first relationship that no matter how awesome your life is, if you're not surrounded by people who boost you up than your life won't be crazy-happy. But then even if things in your life aren't awesome, having friends to commiserate with, a supportive family, someone to come home to (could be a boyfriend/girlfriend/dog/goldfish/roommate), it won't matter how shitty something is because they'll always have an ear or shoulder or some smart words of wisdom to help give you that push ;-)

  • marianschembari Says:
    August 13th, 2010 at 1:19 am

    What a lovely way to put it Erin, I love this comment!

  • marianschembari Says:
    August 13th, 2010 at 1:22 am

    I don't think ALL people are parents age – which is why I say "people my parents age" and not "my parents". My mom is totally someone I look up to when it comes to figuring out my life. What she's done IS good enough. There are just more Gen Y kids though looking for some sort of meaning in their life. More so than the baby boomers, who are supporting their families right now and value hard work and financial stability.

    Maybe this will change as we get older, but I hope not.

  • Molly_Hoyne Says:
    August 13th, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    hells yeah x 2 over here!

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