Meaning in the Mountains

posted 10th September 2010    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, Family, Job/Career/Work, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, Travel, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

I went to Colorado to get away–to vacate.  I went to breathe the fresh air, worship the mountains, drink in the sunsets.  I went to love.  I went to share.  I went to be inspired.  I went to be still.

Instead, my days were filled with tension.  My Blackberry wasn’t on my hip, but I could hear it buzzing in my purse.  Each morning I woke up well before dawn, unable to sleep, anxious about work.

About three months ago I was propositioned by a friend to work with her on a new retail e-commerce business.  She emailed me the role and its responsibilities.  It all seemed so overwhelming so I asked her for a few days to think it over.  My gut told me to say “no”.  Intuition told me that my day-job as a stay-at-home mom was just too intense at the moment to take on another time-consuming project.  However, my mind wanted to reason with me.  It promised to deliver big in the money department; I saw the potential and the money-hungry part of me responded.  It gently coaxed me into accepting the position.  I ignored my gut–my intuition–and I have paid dearly for it.

Though I am proud of what I have accomplished in my role (contract negotiations, copywriting, hiring interns, accounting), it came with great sacrifice.  I let it hijack my life.  The time I used to spend on my morning pages was replaced with reconciling emails.  I have not written in my blog in almost three weeks and I have not read any of them either.  Time spent at the park was instead spent indoors writing copy.  Playdates were shortened or eliminated; dry-cleaning was forgotten; loads of laundry sat in corners and in closets unfolded.  If I was sleep deprived before, I was even more so now.  Coffee intake increased in order to compensate for the late-night hours I spent researching,writing, emailing.

I kept telling myself that this was only temporary; that I just needed to put in this time now in order for the reward later.   But my kids weren’t happy.  My husband wasn’t happy.  I wasn’t happy.   Around the time I started to finally accept this, was about the same time I finished up Week 1 of The Joy Equation.  As I sat there and looked at my core values (Authenticity, Abundance, Connection, Family, Freedom, Integrity, Spirituality, Trust) I realized that the way I was living my life at the moment was not in accordance with those values.  I didn’t want to quit; I had made a committment after all.

But finally, after tossing and turning for the first 4 nights of my 6-night vacation, I sent a letter to my friend requesting a decrease in responsibilities.  It was granted.  The last two nights I slept like a baby.

There was something about those mountains…. Their beauty, their strength, the stories they tell.  In a way, they reminded me of myself–of what I hope to be: a story-teller, strong, majestic, inspiring.  In those mountains I found some strength to set a boundary, to acknowledge what does and does not work in my life, and the courage to change it.  Let this be a recurring theme.

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Comments (17)

17 Responses to “Meaning in the Mountains”

  • alvlewicki Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 8:28 am

    Beautiful! You gave yourself some open space around the situation by taking the vacation and it sounds like it worked its magic for you.

  • emmajoan Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 8:57 am

    Good for you for just reaching out and asking! I hope you continue to sleep better :)

  • Just Me Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 8:59 am

    These mountains ARE beautiful…even now, when fighting a giant fire…they will eventually win out and continue to give the rest of us strength. :)

    Glad you enjoyed it!

  • Corinne Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 9:58 am

    So glad you followed your heart…
    And slept well, finally :)

  • nikkiklecha Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 11:48 am

    So proud of you!!! Knowing what you need & taking a stand to get it – and even more importantly, following your gut, however belated – is tough! I hope at least those last two days were relaxing & enjoyable! xx

  • Lindsey Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 11:49 am

    Courage to change – so important! Way to stand up for what's right for you!

  • Alisha Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    It certainly did! I just wish I could have summoned the courage on day 2 instead of day 4 :)

  • Alisha Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Thanks :) Me too! I think it was a good example of "you never know if you don't ask". I'm glad I got over the fear of her saying "no" to ask for what I needed.

  • Alisha Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    Thanks Corinne :)

  • Alisha Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Thank you, Nikki. One thing I'm trying to get stuck in my head is that I really need to always follow my instinct. Following the heart is always the best way to go!

  • Alisha Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    Thank you, Lindsey! It was scary, but it fgelt really good!

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    September 11th, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    Once again, you show us your strength by admitting where you have fallen down. Don't worry, Alisha, you are inspiring, a storyteller and well on your way to living a life of majesty. Don't be afraid to stumble, it keeps you human.

  • Amber Says:
    September 11th, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    Wow. I'm so happy for you, Alisha!!

  • alisha Says:
    September 12th, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    This is a great reminder to me to not just take on all the fun things that come my way, and to trust my gut. It's often so exciting to get involved in new projects, but you're right, they often come at a cost to your main priorities. Thanks for sharing and I like your mountain metaphor at the end.

  • Alisha Says:
    September 17th, 2010 at 7:24 am

    Thank you Erin, as always, for the encouraging words.

  • Alisha Says:
    September 17th, 2010 at 7:24 am

    Thanks, Amber :)

  • Alisha Says:
    September 17th, 2010 at 7:25 am

    Thank you Meredith! I sometimes don't realize that life keeps bringing me situations in which I can really live those words. Thank you for reminding me :)

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