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Dancing Down the Path of Least Resistance

posted 31st October 2010    Written by: Lindsey    CATEGORY: Life Lesson, Lindsey, Season 3, What I've Learned

If you asked me-3-months-ago what I’d be doing today, I would have gotten the answer wrong.

Still living in small town Michigan? No way. Definitely not with your parents! Still feeling confused about your path in life? Of course not! Why you’ve had a whole summer of introspection, you have all the answers! Right? …. Right?!

Nope.

And that answer is okay with me. Sort of.

Walkin’ the Path

We are all on the same path called life. And some days we don’t have a fucking clue where we are walking, why we’re walking there, or, on the bad days, even how to walk. Other days are better. But not having a clue? That’s just fine.

There’s no “Figure it Out” police beating down my door telling me that by age 25 I have to have the answers. Realizing my life purpose wouldn’t be handed to me on a platter took a surprisingly long time. And accepting this took even longer.

As I prepare to leave everything behind again, and embark on a journey into the great unknown, I am reflecting on my past, and pulling out lessons to take with me into the future.

The Path of Least Resistance

I was doing some YouTube Yoga with a friend the other day, and the video lady told us to take the path of least resistance in our practice. As someone who has spent a fair amount of time forcing her body into precarious yoga poses, this struck a chord with me.

What am I forcing in my life? Purpose. Career. Relationships. Et cetera. I have my Big Dream picture. I have me, in real life, right now. And a great long path in front of me, that eventually leads to Big Dream life. Which got me thinking…

Why must I force life, when there are so many fun surprises to be discovered along the way?

So I made some rules for myself, to keep me on my path of least resistance.

What you want and what you get are two different things. Get over it.

Whatever preconceived notions you have about your future are wrong. There is no way to predict the future. Dreams are a glorious way to make sure you are on a path that fulfills and motivates you but the exact picture in your head will likely never turn out exactly as you see it. (Shhh, It might even turn out better.)

There is a point where dreams must be recognized as nothing more than dreams. Use them as guiding principles as you create your reality. Reality is much better anyways, because it’s, well, real.

Your purpose in life is to live. Simple as that.

Obsess over finding your passion and your purpose all you want, but I’m not convinced this is a useful way to spend your time. Get out of your head and experience life.

Humanity is beautiful.

You aren’t perfect. No one is perfect. But on your best days, there is someone in your life who can make it better. Share a meal. Give a gift. Smile. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will replace the amazing value of other people.

Dancin’ that Path Because Walking is Less Fun

Depression has become a natural partner to the confusion of finding purpose in life. When it doesn’t work out, it’s easy to fall into a state of sadness and disappointment. Walking the path, and especially on the path of least resistance is good. But, hell, let’s turn on some jams, put on our dancing shoes and spin down it. I am so sick of waiting to celebrate, I might just do it the whole way there. Where ever “there” is…

{photo credit : mikebaird}

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1 Corinthians 13:4

posted 30th October 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Love/Relationships, Renee, Season 3

Love is…

…agreeing to be a Mathlete for Halloween.
…bringing me peppermint tea in bed when I don’t feel well.
…encouraging me when I feel I’m doomed to fail.
…kitchen dancing.
…listening to me carry on about nothing forever.

Love is …

…reminding me to stick to my guns.
… not judging when I watch too many episodes of Weeds in one sitting.
…hugging me when I walk through the door after another 14-hour day at school.
…leaving love notes for no reason.

Love is…

…understanding what I mean when I’m too embarrassed to say what I mean.
… knowing which drink I’ll like best.
…saying you’re sorry and meaning it.


Love is…

…establishing new traditions and introducing one another to old ones.
…singing too loud to songs only we know.
…cleaning the litter box twice a week because the smell makes me gag.
…eating my cooking when even I won’t.

Love is…

…calling the kitty to bed because I like when he walks on my back.
…pushing me to try harder.
… getting up early every Saturday to go to breakfast.
…washing the dishes.

Love is…

…updating my iPhone because he knows I never get around to doing it myself.
…having patience when I’m flying off the handle over something silly.
…reaching for my hand in the parking lot.
…cultivating extreme nerdiness.


Love is…

…telling me I look cute when I’m in my pajamas.
…discovering something new about one another all the time.
…letting me warm my feet on his legs.
… surprising me with a Schwinn cruiser.

Love is…

…coexisting.
…watching our favorite shows together.
…ruining good pictures with silly faces and creating even better pictures.
…making up cheesy songs about one another.

Love is…

…attempting to fix my problems whether I want him to or not.
…believing in me.
…supporting even my craziest decisions… and then pouring me another glass of wine.
Love is being grateful for every phone call, every kiss, and every day.


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The Road Trip, Part 2

posted 29th October 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Molly, Travel, Travel/Adventure

I’ve had a number of requests for more traveling/road-tripping pictures, so it goes!  This is in no ways completely representative of our trip-as I switch between my little Cannon Powershot (where these are from), my phone camera, and the Flip- and half the time I forget any of them!

We’ve been on the road 39 days, put over 5,000 miles on Stella, and have traveled through 16 states.  I’ve crashed with family all over the place, met up with new and old friends (Carolyn! Jason!  Julie & Drew! Kate! Ally! Megan and Mike! Danielle and Heidi!), rocked out with  Gutsy Girls at workshops in Chicago and Portland, and met guest bloggers and coaching clients in person. Love me some connections!

The Big Man and I have done a lot of camping in mostly deserted State Parks and stayed in a roadside motel or two so I can be on point for my Tuesday night Coaching Groups.  (Which are completely rocking my world, by the way!! Seriously, I’m IN LOVE with the women, and the forward movement, and the support.  New favorite offering, for sure!  More to come on future groups in the 2011).

We’ve crashed at a hostel, rented a tiny cottage in Maine, and are currently looking forward to Halloween weekend in Salem, MA with one of my sorority sisters from college.  And then it’s on to Philadelphia and Baltimore before I fly back to Seattle to speak at the Ladies Who Launch Dream it! Launch it! Live it! Conference, and then onto New York to attend Marie Forleo’s Rich, Happy, and Hot LIVE event. Honestly?  I’m a little tired thinking about all of it, but also so, so excited.

And with that…

What’s been my favorite stuff thus far?  Good Question.

Cities: Burlington, Vermont and Portsmouth, New Hampshire

Restaurants: Chino Latino in Minneapolis, Spice Market in NYC, Sonny’s in Portland, The Friendly Toast in Portsmouth, and some great Brunch place in Chicago that my cousin Annie and her hubby Ben took us to- but I can’t remember the name

Wounds: The unexplained Welt, the double-sided knee bruise

Sights: Autumn in New England.  Hands Down.

Parks: Yellowstone (always a classic for me!) and Acadia

We Survived Moments: Getting super sick in NYC (Ever had your tongue hurt?  Mine did…), the bulldogs charging Ken in Vermont (one of who’s name turned out to be Pipsqueak!), talking my sister through the Newark-Shuttle-Train-Subway route to C’s apartment, getting pulled over in Wyoming for speeding but not getting a ticket (my record is still clean! yay!)

And now…. The Photo Update!

Early Morning Bike Ride in East Harbor State Park, on Lake Erie

Having an Adult Beverage with some of the Chicago Gutsy Girls

Tobyhanna State Park in the Poconos (I know!  I’ve always heard of the Poconos! And I was there!)

Tweeting (or Google Mapping…) with my Seestar in Central Park

Hiking on the Appalachian Trail (or Long Trail as they call it in Vermont).  The colors!  Swoon!

The Kitchen!  Oatmeal and Coffee for Breakfast.

The Beehive Hike in Acadia National Park in Maine.  Absolutely stunning.

The Head Light in Portland with Julie, my fabulous workshop host and favorite new friend!

And I have to apologize for the quality of this last picture–The Big Man took it on this iPhone, in the dark, but it just cracks me up.  This is what we did on my 30th birthday….  Ate soup in the rain!  But don’t worry about me- I had a week of festivities in NYC coming up!

p.s.  The answer is YES!  I’m still shipping out Joy Equation Workbooks from the road.  Your postmark could come from anywhere!  If you haven’t taken the online course yet- It is an amazing place to start your Stratejoy Journey.    I just got the sweetest email from Diane in Missouri about her experience and wanted to share with you.  Perhaps it’s time to tackle your own Joy Plan, sugar?

Hi Molly- I had to send an email to personally thank you for the impact that the Joy Plan has had on me- IMMEDIATELY. I just finished the course and it has equaled a feeling of aliveness and excitement that is just. WILD! In the last few days, I’ve made changes and plans, adjustments and goals that have shifted my entire paradigm in a way that I can’t describe.

If you don’t hear this enough, hear it from me, you have created something that fosters strength and action in young women, motivations inside myself that I otherwise never would have tapped into, and strength to be myself, to honor my being and this blessing of existence.

I just HAD to thank you. You. Are. Amazing!

Safe travels, lots of love,
Diane

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Hello. My name is Alisha and I’m a (Recovering) Perfectionist.

posted 29th October 2010    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, Tips & Tools, What I've Learned

I might be the poster child for Perfectionism.  I was that Straight-A kid whose worst crime between the ages of 0 and 18 was rolling up my shorts in the 4th grade.  No really, I didn’t even go to a party in high school.  Remember that suicide attempt when I was 14?  What pushed me over the edge was the D in Geometry that appeared on my mid-term report card.  I was then convinced that I would never get into Harvard and that my perfect dreams of a perfect life had come to a crashing end.  Whenever I did something, I wanted to do it with finesse.  I wanted to impress.  I had to be perfect.

I’m quite certain that Perfectionism is closely tied to Control.  I moved around a lot as a child and it wasn’t always my choice.  Even though I tell people that it was a good experience (I saw many different types of people and places) my nomadic childhood definitely played a part in my need to control everything in my life.  I don’t play risky games.  In fact, I refuse to bowl because I’m afraid I’ll suck at it.  I know it sounds ridiculous and I wish it weren’t true.

When I had children, I fully intended on keeping my Perfectionist ways.  I wanted to be the perfect mom: the cleaner, the baker, the expert diaper changer and awesome play date host with the happiest children on the block.  I wanted to stick to my regular cleaning schedule:  vacuuming three times a day and scrubbing toilets twice a week.  Yeah.  Right.  Now when “Perfectionist Alisha” tries to come out (which is still way too often), I have some arsenal on hand.  Here are my four ways to combat Perfectionism.

Affirmations.   I write them, sometimes two or three times, at then end of my morning pages every day.  They are uplifting and get my mind and heart on track.  They are my battle cry.  They are the mantras that help guide my choices and thoughts throughout the day.

Journaling.  Sometimes I just have to write it out.  The root of (my) Perfectionism is fear—the fear of not being in control, the fear of not being loved.  When I write down all of the thoughts that are haunting me, I am better able to identify the true source of those feelings and beat them down.  Then I feel empowered—and in control.

Glory Board.  I originally got this idea from Danielle LaPorte of WhiteHotTruth.com.  She suggests that you write down anything and everything you have accomplished in your life that made you feel really great.  Then my creative coach, Rachel, helped me turn this into a daily activity.  At the end of the day, instead of focusing on everything that went wrong (or was imperfect), I focus on everything that went right.  It is much easier to sleep when you feel like you conquered your day.

Call a good friend or find some on Twitter.  I have a few good friends who always have encouraging words; they help me find the silver lining, see the big picture and tell me when to suck it up and when to let go.  Twitter is also my new favorite hangout spot.  I have been fortunate enough to befriend some really amazing and supportive people.  I know I can always depend on my Twitter family.

Over the last few years, this is what I have learned: Perfectionism is fear.  Fear that love is conditional.  I learned that a Perfectionist is fake.  A Perfectionist is lonely.  A Perfectionist is a tortured soul.  A Perfectionist is boring.  A Perfectionist is perpetually exhausted.  A Perfectionist will never be happy.

I’ll always be a recovering Perfectionist.  But as each day passes, I remind myself that life doesn’t always go as planned. I remember that I will never be perfect—because it’s not possible.  Will I always try to be the best version of me I can possible be?  Of course.  There’s nothing wrong with my wanting to be a walking bowl of awesome-sauce.  I just no longer fool myself into thinking I will always walk a straight line.

(photo: Etsy art by cREaTebyRET found via Michelle Ward)

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Halfway Home

posted 28th October 2010    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: All Posts, Life Lesson, Marian, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3

Six months ago, on April 15 of this year, I was at the Brooklyn apartment of two of my best friends, Kelsey and Alea. We were drinking wine and talking about work, love, the Big Apple, life after college… the whole shebang.

I love spending time with those girls – they’re incredibly supportive and I love them very much. So when they pointed out that I kept bringing up Sam’s name, even though he and I hadn’t spoken in almost a year, I listened.

That’s the night I sat on their kitchen floor while they baked me cake (they’re kind of like my aunties), reading from my laptop while I composed the email to Sam that would – corniness alert! – change the course of my life.

That email lead to a phone call, which a few days later led to me buying a ticket to London. A trip which led to me buying another ticket to London, this time open-ended, which led to me sitting in my London apartment at this very second. An apartment I share with Sam.

Six months before that I was moving into a fancy-pants New York apartment with my best friend and soul mate, Desi. I was just starting my first full-time job out of college as a book publicist. My closest friends from school had all moved to Manhattan. It was very Sex and the City for the Gen Y Girl.

You all know why I hated it and why I left, I just can’t believe it’s been a year already. And that it’s been six months since I sat in that Brooklyn kitchen writing that email to Sam.

And five months ago I was sitting in that same kitchen reading my Stratejoy application out-loud to those same two girls. It’s funny how halfway points work.

And three months ago I started blogging for Stratejoy. And three months is half of six months and that means my time here is halfway over. I’m really good at math, obviously.

But that means my time in London is coming to an end. Meaning that in just over a month I’ll be in a brand new country, starting a brand new life in a brand new hemisphere. Halfway around the world.

I mean, where the hell did the time go? I feel like I’m just getting started. Like I still haven’t figured out what I’m supposed to be doing.

Half of me wants to sing the praises of sharing my life with you all. And, to be fair, having a place separate from my own blog is a breath of fresh internet air. It’s so nice not have to impress you. And the support. Holy crap, the support. I can’t tell you how amazing it is to admit something and have you guys agree with me, or tell me it’s going to be okay, or give your experiences, your struggles, your shoulders. There is no place better than the Stratejoy community.

But the other half of me wants to be straight. I haven’t figured out the answers. I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life and I still feel like I’m waiting. Waiting for my business to take off, but also secretly not caring because half of me just yearns for a bakery and a cabin in the woods. But that other half wants my blog and business to keep going and bring in the dough. So I wait. Wait until the time is right. Wait to leave London. One foot in one door, the other out the window. Halfway decisions, half-assed attempts.

I’m realizing now that I only give everything My Half. Half my energy. Half my time. Half my passion.

I’m halfway through Stratejoy and still not quite halfway home.

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