My 30th Birthday, A Clean Slate, and Striving for Perfection

posted 11th October 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Molly

I’ve always been a sucker for the first day of school.   January 1st.  A clean slate…  But is my adoration and reliance on new beginnings actually useful?

The hook of the fresh start is apparent.  They make me feel powerful, like no matter what I did yesterday, tomorrow holds possibility for redemption, for finally being the “me” I know I can be.  Like somehow I haven’t been awesome enough or accomplished enough or kept on track enough in the last while, but now’s my chance– because it’s a new month!  A new year!  A new business or house or adventure!

I find myself thinking “This time I’ll really commit to blah, blah, blah.  This time I’ll do it!”

But here’s the thing.

1.  Usually, I’m holding myself to unreasonable expectations or striving to check off too many changes at once. So when I fail to meditate one day or wear jeans and sneakers for the 4th day in a row or don’t reply to email within 24 hours, I feel like a failure. (Speaking of snappy response time….  Catherine?  Becca?  Chelsea? Several others out there?  I know I owe you phone calls, heartfelt emails, responses to questions left hanging.  I’m sorry I’m behind and I hope you know I adore you and am not ignoring you!)

2.  Usually, I’m relying on sheer willpower to make things happen.  If I just set great, supercharged goals and make myself do them, I’m all set!  That’s all I have to do!  That’s what runs through my head at the start of those clean slates: I’ll just MAKE MYSELF do it!  But what happens when I’m tired, or unmotivated, or restless?  What happens when my best effort on a single day isn’t that amazing, earth-shattering, or life-changing?  What happens when I simply can’t make myself do it one day?  I ruin my “good streak” and feel like I’m back at square one.

3. Usually, I’m trying to become some turbo-charged superwoman. I’ve always tried to do my best, but something about a fresh start (however arbitrary it may be) makes me want to be bigger, better, more remarkable.  More “perfect” perhaps…   I slip into the mode of thinking I’m not good enough, that there is room for improvement in who I am and what I do.  It’s a self-defeating pattern because striving for perfection is harmful, not helpful.  There is no such thing as perfection!   I forget about all the wonderful things I already am and do, and concentrate on what I’m “lacking”.

So, what’s a motivated, personal-growth fan to do when you take away new beginnings?  When I realize that my entire life is a clean slate?

Well, I’ll tell you!  Cause I’m cutting myself off from the lure of a fresh start.  Life is NOW.  I am NOW.

Each moment is a chance to be present. Each moment offers us a choice about how we’re reacting to the stories in our head, whether we’re going to drink that third glass of wine, if we have the time to help the older couple carry their luggage upstairs.  Each time we conquer a self-limiting belief or take a step outside our comfort zone, we’ve celebrated a fresh start!  By tuning into the moment-to-moment of our own life, we find chances for new beginnings in every decision we make.

There are opportunities for grace and growth in each day. It’s powerful to have long term goals, but appreciating the small joys and tears in the day-to-day is equally important. Whether it’s an action-packed, moving forward day or a low-key, reconnecting with myself day or a let’s play pretend and wear costumes to brunch day,  or a mournful, angry day full of old yearbook gazing– each of those is part of our experience.  What will you learn from those small moments?  How will they change your reality?

I am already enough. Life is not measured in external validation.  The most amazing gift we can give to ourselves and others, is to realize that our life and our contribution is unique.  That there’s always room to shine brighter or develop healthier habits or reach more people, but at our core- We are enough.  Holding to that belief, and living a life of integrity is infinitely more fulfilling than checking off boxes.

As many of you heard, it was my 30th Birthday last Wednesday.  That’s a pretty big fresh start for this clean slate ex-junkie…. So what did I commit to for my new decade?

Being more Me.

That is all.  And that is everything.

p.s. Want to experience Stratejoy (and me!) in person? Registration is up for Portland, Maine and Philadelphia and Baltimore!

p.p.s. I’m starting the amazing Declaration of You eCourse with Michelle Ward and Jessica Swift on October 25th! A girls gotta do her own personal work, ya know? Want to come along? I’d love to see you over there, rocking out with me!  Come on. DO IT!  Let’s make our Declaration!

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Comments (11)

11 Responses to “My 30th Birthday, A Clean Slate, and Striving for Perfection”

  • speaksoftlyandcarryaredpen Says:
    October 11th, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    I am already enough.

    this is perfect. Inspiring, all-encompassing, and just perfect.

    Happiest of birthdays. I love your blog :)

  • Lacey Says:
    October 11th, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    Molly, Happy Birthday! I love this post! I am new to blogging and working on my own clean start by quitting my job and documenting my journey through my quarterlife crisis at directionuncharted.com, I am so thankful to have found you and Stratejoy and I look forward to reading more inspirational posts here!

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    October 11th, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    You are already enough! And thank you!

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    October 11th, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    I'm glad you found us Lacey! Welcome to the blogosphere and to the journey that is the QLC… It's quite the adventure, but ever so satisfying, eh?

  • Kylie Says:
    October 11th, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    Happy birthday, Molly!
    You clearly just saw into my soul. Because oh, the sweet, seductive allure of a fresh start. I'm right there with you, convinced that this time I'll be able to force myself into superhuman productivity, and then falling into disappointment when it doesn't happen. A few years ago, I decided to stop trying to change my body. You've now reminded me that these arbitrary fresh starts are just another way I tell myself I'm not okay the way I am. Time to get rid of them, too, I think.

  • verybadcat Says:
    October 11th, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    you certainly are enough. :) just the way you are.

    and thank goodness i'm on your list, because honey? things have gotten seven kinds of crazy over here. in the best and worst way. :)

    <3

  • Kim Says:
    October 12th, 2010 at 4:36 am

    This is a lovely sentiment – I too am very hard on myself and place unrealistic, lofty expectations on me, then feel bad about myself when I don't live up to that. It's crazy! None of us are perfect or are superheroes, so there's no freakin way you're going to get everything done you set out to do when you set out to do it. And that's ok! I'm working on placing less pressure on myself and being ok with have a less than stellar day. I always feel that if you have one of these days, the next morning is a brand new day and a chance to start over, so it's not so bad! I also need to work on embracing the present rather than looking ahead constantly. There are amazing things happening right in front of us and most of us miss them and that's too bad.

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    October 16th, 2010 at 10:03 am

    All kinds of crazy? Oh dear! XO

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    October 16th, 2010 at 10:05 am

    Amazing things happening right in front of us- YES!! Even as I sit here in Cooperstown, NY on a gorgeous fall day- typing away on my laptop, I'm trying to soak up the ryhtym of the coffee shops, the cold breeze blowing in, the smell of apple cidar, the feeling of the hard stool beneath me… You know, everything! The little bits that make up the moments.

    Glad to hear you're doing the same, Kim!

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    October 16th, 2010 at 10:08 am

    I'll tell it to you again and again, Miss Klecha. YOU ARE ENOUGH. The directionless can also be called the nowness, you're not living connected to the past, nor counting on a certain future. And that? The ability to allow yourself to be NOW? Rare and coveted.

    Take up those mantras, sugar. Practice delicious self-love. Realize life is way bigger than your story and relax into it. Lots of love right back.

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    October 16th, 2010 at 10:10 am

    "just another way I tell myself I'm not okay the way I am…" YES! That's exactly the point I was trying to make! Thanks for summing it up in such sweet, simple words. Glad the reminder came at the right time- sometimes we find just what we need to hear, eh?

    And thanks for the birthday wishes. XO

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