Self Awareness: The Anti-Adventure?

posted 7th October 2010    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: All Posts, Life Lesson, Marian, Season 3, Spirituality, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

Self awareness has been on my mind a lot recently.

Where do you draw the line between pushing yourself to be better and wasting your time on something that’s not “you”?

This is a question I’ve been asking myself lately – partly because writing for Stratejoy has me examining my life in a way I never have before and partly because moving to London has meant a slew of new experiences.

For example, a very specific British Experience: Drinking. Lots and lots of drinking.

I’ve always been a bit of a lightweight, meaning I rarely drink because when I drink I get CRUNK. Not that I have any problems with crunkage. While I may actually remember college, there are a smattering of drunk-with-the-girlfriends-experiences that are very fond memories indeed. I just don’t get crunk often.

Fast forward a few years and here I am in London where my housemates usually have a drink every night. Events are ALWAYS held in pubs, free booze is the only reason anyone will go anywhere and, well, the British take their beer very seriously.

Meaning I often feel left out. Sure, no one cares I’m not a big drinker, but I’m also not a huge fan of being the only sober one out.

So what do I do? Not go? I’ll occasionally opt-out of a night at the pub but I feel like I should go. Be social! Make new friends! Live a little! But what if my “living a little” is actually drinking a cup of peppermint tea while I read a Sookie Stackhouse book? What then? Am I not adventurous?

Or am I just…. Me?

Don’t get me wrong, I love adventures. One of my favorite things to do is get lost in a new city. I want to not know anyone. I love the fact that I’ve done everything from work at a sex museum to a Mail Boxes Etc. I like risk and spontaneity and change and even the occasional failure.

What I don’t like are clubs. Or hanging out with more than five people at once. Or anything involving loud noise. I don’t like political discussions. I don’t like being wrong. I’m not a huge fan of “culture” and find any art made after 1900 yucky.

I have no desire to visit Asia. Most hippies annoy the crap out of me. I’m neither religious or “spiritual”. Whatever that means. I hate going to concerts, dancing and really don’t understand the appeal of Lady Gaga. I’ve never been blackout drunk. I don’t want to experience the thrill of bungee jumping. I don’t want to eat something really gross just so I can add it to my “life list.”

So what does this make me? I’d like to think I’m an adventurous person but as I get older I learn what I like and what I don’t like. A friend said this might be “limiting” and I should give things a try regardless of my preconceptions. But what if I don’t want to waste my time? What if I want to spend what time I have on this earth doing things I know I want to do? Is admitting this like punching all the “authentic life” girls in the face or is this what self-awareness is REALLY all about?

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Comments (19)

19 Responses to “Self Awareness: The Anti-Adventure?”

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    October 7th, 2010 at 8:23 am

    Personally, I believe that life adventures shouldn't require so much work. Understanding what you like and what you don't like doesn't mean you are limiting yourself. It means you are aware. I mean you wouldn't know you don't like clubs, or modern art or anything if you hadn't tried. So stand proud because Marian is wonderful, just the way she is. Plus I don't believe you'll never step outside your comfort zone, you like adventure too much.

  • marianschembari Says:
    October 7th, 2010 at 8:30 am

    I love you so much for this Erin, THANK YOU.

  • Erica Says:
    October 7th, 2010 at 8:57 am

    I like you. A LOT.

  • marianschembari Says:
    October 7th, 2010 at 9:09 am

    I like you more.

  • EC Sheedy Says:
    October 7th, 2010 at 9:33 am

    Well, color me one of those who never did see getting *crunk* as an adventure. Hanging out in loud groups with a fuzzed brain smacks of high school/college peer group pressure and some kind of strange neediness that I've yet to define.

    That said, the greatest adventure you'll ever go on is The Hunt For Marian Schembari. One of the hardest things to do while on this blessed earth is to find out who we are and define our uniqueness. Lots of confusion and missteps along the way. (I'm older than dirt and I know less and less every day. :-)

  • Liv Says:
    October 7th, 2010 at 10:56 am

    BBHAHAHA – omg i love you. even though my immediate response is to want to come to London, kidnap you and drag you to the Tate Modern and then some really loud house club …but I wont, I'll probably just ask you to meet me for dinner at some quiet Indian place or coffee at your favorite bakery… XO

  • marianschembari Says:
    October 7th, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    And this? This is why we're friends.

  • marianschembari Says:
    October 7th, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    Well thank the LORD. So glad *someone* agrees with me! Let me tell you something, it's very hard (especially in this city) to find someone that just wants to go for a cup of tea or cake and not a drink/dance/loud club.

    Am thoroughly enjoying trying to find myself, but think the whole idea of "finding yourself" seems to usually involve a variety of things I don't particularly want to do ;-)

  • EC Sheedy Says:
    October 7th, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    Now here's where you have it wrong. LOL

    "Finding yourself" (I actually hate that phrase! Always sounds as if you've been buried somewhere in the Black Forest.) is about doing "a variety of things" you particularly *do* want to do. How good is that? :-)

  • emmajoan Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 4:25 am

    Oh man these are great questions! It has definitely always frustrated me that that culturally easiest social activities revolve around consuming something – usually alcohol, dessert, dinner, or coffee. Why am I intimidated to just invite people to sit around and chat with me?

  • Carin S. Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 6:51 am

    It's funny. I've found as I get older that my friends/peers have gotten more conservative, less willing to try things, some have even developed phobias (heights, flying) that they didn't have as teens or in their early 20s. I have done the opposite. Nothing too crazy (well, aside from skydiving but that wasn't my idea) but just things like trying new foods. For years I just said I'm not going to try sushi becuase I know I won't like it. Why eat something gross? I hate fish after all, and I'd tried California rolls and hated them. But my little brother was the first person who actually listened to me. He understood that just becuase I hate fish doesn't mean I should eat California rolls – after all I hate avacado and cream cheese too. He asked me to trust him, and try a spicy tuna roll. He swore it didn't taste like fish. And you know what? He was right. Not I love sushi. There are only 5-6 rolls that I'll eat, but I'm really glad I do. While trying to be someone you're not is silly, stretching yourself isn't. So long as you have people who listen and understand along for the ride.

  • Alisha Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 6:55 am

    I think you have asked some good questions. I don't think you are limiting yourself; I think that your self-awareness and growth has led to a better understanding of who you are at your core and what you do and don't like. And being Authentic means not faking interest in any of those things just because other people think you should. You can be a mess of contradictions. That's what makes you, you.

  • CharityAyn Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 9:23 am

    I had a coach once you always encouraged me that if it is not a "Hell, Yes!" then it's a "no." For different people, that means different things. I don't see the point in drinking every night, either, and while I was in England and Ireland I loved going down to the pub to listen to some music or just talk…it was always alone and FOR the music, or just with a small group of friends, and I never liked drinking to excess. And it was generally no more than once or twice a week. The other nights, I was perfectly happy curling up with a cup of tea and a good book, and recharging a bit. Being able to know what you want and don't want, and say it, and stick by it without apologizing is exactly what authenticity is about.

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    Interesting! I'm a very try-it-just-to-know-what-it's-like kind of person & I do tend to push people who aren't that way out of their comfort zone. I try not to be an ass about it :) but I do think it's very easy to limit yourself unnecessarily and get stuck in a box you built for yourself. That said, though, I certainly have learned a lot about what I like and don't like and I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing, for example, I have been to a jam-packed crazy-ass spring-break type club full of douches, I didn't like it and I'd really rather just sit at home with a girly movie and a plate of cheese. You're not someone I'm worried about duct-taping herself into a box; you seek out your own adventures & make shit happen, so I say that as long as you make these decisions with eyes open and not out of fear, just do what you want. And rock it like I know you will.

  • FabulouslyBroke.com Says:
    October 9th, 2010 at 7:59 am

    I'm going to Asia in 2011. But only because it's been a dream to re-visit Japan again and to see the rest of the continent.

    To each their own.

  • marianschembari Says:
    October 10th, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    It's not that I don't like to try things, but when I already know I don't like something I don't feel the need to keep harping on about it. Plus, I find it kind of patronizing when someone tells me what I should and shouldn't like, ya know?

    But thanks for the compliments, someday we'll do something totally adventurous and awesome together ;-)

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    October 11th, 2010 at 11:14 am

    I'll sit and chat with you Emma! (thought I may request tea…) ;)

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    October 11th, 2010 at 11:15 am

    Being able to know what you want and don't want, and say it, and stick by it without apologizing is exactly what authenticity is about. (HELL, YES!)

  • Being Too Hard On Myself | Stratejoy | Conquer Your Quarterlife Crisis through Fresh Strategies for Real Joy Says:
    November 11th, 2010 at 8:04 am

    [...] learning about my new industry. I rarely go out, preferring to find ways to land new clients than suffer over a pint. I’ve become the quintessential Davidson student, except now I’m out of college and my [...]

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