Everyday Happiness

posted 10th November 2010    Written by: Nikki    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Nikki, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, What I've Learned

Any of you who know me, or have gotten to know me outside of Stratejoy, know that gratitude plays a big part in my life.   My personal blog is called The Grateful Sparrow and (almost) everyday I tweet a gratitude list.  It reminds me of how much in my life is good, great, wonderful – even (especially) on days when everything seems to be going wrong.  But I have not always been this way.

Two years ago, I was full to the brim of negative self-talk. No one who knows me would’ve ever suspected it; I was just my cheery, optimistic self on the outside, but in my mind, I was absolutely horrendous.  My default setting, the reason anything went wrong, was “I’m a mess.”  I said it all the time.  I said it laughingly to friends when I forgot something, “Ha, what a mess I am!”  I said it angrily to myself when I made a mistake, “Why am I such a mess??!”  I resigned myself to it and it became my truth.

I was working a 9-5 office job that, while it gave me wonderful security, was stressful, unchallenging, and not even on the same planet as any job I’d remotely want as a career.  Every day I would zombie-drive the same route in the same traffic, zoned out and dreading the day, often sending up a little prayer to quell my anxiety and try to control the uncertainties facing me that I really couldn’t control.  I would pass the first few hours of my day with a sinking feeling in my stomach and self-blame in my head, sucking all other thoughts & feelings down like quicksand.  Every.  Day.

Around the same time, frustrated with and trying to improve my acting career, I joined an artist’s co-operative.  We kept each other accountable to our goals and supported and encouraged each other; the group aimed to bring us all out of our comfort zones and out of our unhealthy mental patterns that might be holding us back.  Obviously (well, it’s obvious now), I had a lot of those.

One of the guys in the group suggested that we email each other with 5 things we’re grateful for every day, just as an exercise to get us into a more positive headspace.  It was really hard at first.  I remember driving in to work, dread and apathy vying for domination in the pit of my stomach, and sitting in front of my computer, staring at it blankly.  What am I grateful for?  The only time I’d ever thought about expressing gratitude outside of saying an obligatory “thank you” was on Thanksgiving, and that was usually muddled by a mouthful of turkey. Now I have to write it down?  And send it to people?

I sat there trying not to think of all the things I’m not grateful for, and trying to remember the last time I felt super happy.  Why couldn’t I think of anything?  What was wrong with me??  Why was I such a mess??  I looked down at my hands on the keyboard.  I have 10 fingers.  I’m grateful for that.  I know how to type.  I’m grateful for “Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing,” even though I hated it growing up.  I’m grateful for the cup of coffee slowly waking me up.  And so on…

My first six months of gratitude lists were like that.  And sometimes they still are.  I’m grateful for hot showers and good music and smiling.  Some days I sat for a good 15 minutes unable to think of a single thing to be grateful for.  But I didn’t let myself go a day without writing my list. It helped to get lists from the other people in the group – so much happiness was shared every day.  Slowly, gratitude came easier; in fact, I started to feel that it was a necessary part of my morning routine.  So when the group disbanded and the emails slowly stopped their joyous flow into my inbox, I decided I needed someone else to keep me accountable to my gratitude, and I began sending my list to my family, best friend, and roommate.

During all this, other things in my life began to change.  Getting myself off of negative autopilot, even if only for the 5 minutes it took to write my gratitude list, made me realize that I was on autopilot in the first place.  I started to wake up from my zombie state, snapping myself out of it on the drive to work by focusing on a particularly beautiful blooming tree on the side of the road, instead of the creeping traffic.  I suddenly realized that maybe I felt like such a mess only because I kept telling myself I was a mess, and worked on replacing that phrase with a positive mantra.

My gratitude lists got longer, and instead of just writing out of habit, I started to really feel them; they made me happy.  I woke up thinking of what I’d write, and they were bright spots in days that were otherwise less than stellar.  I found myself not getting caught up in as much drama; when something bad happened, I would be upset about it for a little while and then, automatically, without even realizing it, I’d be thinking of the positives. I wasn’t Pollyanna, I wasn’t lying and saying things were fine when they weren’t, I truly started to feel better about everything.

I honestly believe that writing gratitude lists changed my outlook and changed my life.  It is my quick fix to happiness, because as soon as I write down what I’m grateful for, I feel just a little bit happier.  Every.  Day.

Today I am so happy and grateful for dark chocolate & green tea, all you amazing lovely ladies out there reading, and R.W. for introducing gratitude into my life two years ago.

What are you happy and grateful for?

PS – if any of you would like to commit to a month of gratitude, I’ll hold you accountable.  Tweet me your gratitude list at @gratefulsparrow every day for 30 days.  See how it changes you.

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Comments (20)

20 Responses to “Everyday Happiness”

  • Just Me Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 9:42 am

    I love this – as I get older and life gets a little shorter…I truly appreciate the ability to enjoy simple pleasures…amazing breakfast tea, a room heater in the winter, even cleaning dishes that aren't mine because after I'm finished, everything feels like it's in it's place.

    The ability to be grateful comes with a maturity and an understanding that we aren't the center of the Universe…just a happy speck of dust. :)

  • Lindsey Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 10:12 am

    Gratitude has had similarly awesome effects on my life, although actually writing it out daily has become a new thing for me in the last month and I really feel the effects. Power of positive thinking, baby! Love it!

  • Heather Rae Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 11:54 am

    I'm loving this idea. I may just start tweeting you my gratitude lists! :)

  • amysjoy Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    I love this! It is definitely easy to get into the negative mindset, so it's always nice to take a few moments to remember all the good things, like getting to wake up next to my hunky boyfriend warm and comfy and snuggly.

  • Sarah Bellos Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    This is a really great system! Molly, it is terrific to see what you are up to these days!

    I for some reason loved Mavis Beacon teaches typing when I was growing up and I remember I used to watch my dad practice on an Apple IIG. A few months ago, my little sister through big brothers big sisters was next to me while I was typing on the computer and noted that I was a fast typer (no faster than average 20-something i assume). She is 13 so I asked if she had ever played a typing game, which she hadn't. We googled it and came up with a host of free games, which she sat playing for 3 hours! We barely had time to bake the bread that was our original hang-out plan. It was so amazing to see something we take for granted be so appreciated by sometime just starting out. My great reminder of this was Dominque wrote out in fairly legible script on the large white board above the desk "YAY I'm learning to type! (but I need to practice my cursive)." We finally erased her spontaneous note this week, but what a good reminder not to take anything for granted!

  • eemusings Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    I love this too! Since I read the Secret (which I don't necesarily believe in, but the message of positive thinking and gratitude is a great one to take away) I've started to try to count my blessings more often.

    I never fail to feel gratitude simply for being alive on those Mondays or Tuesdays when I have time to go for a leisurely walk, buy fresh produce from the corner shop, and enjoy the sun on my back and blue skies above. Small pleasures, but they're the pleasures that make my heart swell.

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    You're right – it takes maturity to be grateful AND to be happy with what's in your life. That's a lovely little list; I think the mundane things are often the sweetest because it takes a certian level of happiness to even notice them, let alone feel gratitude for them. xx

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    YAY! Of course it's great to think gratitude, but getting it out of your head and onto paper (or the interwebs) makes it even stronger!

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Please do! Start today! :)

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    That is DEFINITELY a thing to be grateful for!! :)

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    Ha ha! I hated learning typing but I'm so happy to know it now. That IS a great reminder – everything in our lives is beautiful when looked at from the right perspective. Thanks for sharing that story!

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    What a lovely day that sounds like! Drink those moments in & let them make your heart happy; it sounds like you have so many precious little things to be grateful for, which all adds up to one big joyful life.

  • pixie658 Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    This is wonderful. I think I might set up a little wipe off board and write down three things I've grateful for every morning. I tend to get bogged down in stress and anxiety because I'm in grad school and work two jobs. I forget that I'm SO blessed and have many more things to be grateful for than things to worry about or be afraid of.

    Also, I've been following along all season and it's been nice getting to know you here. :)

  • Taylor Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    What a great idea. I believe negative thoughts create negative energy, which create negative thoughts… It can be a never-ending cycle if you allow it to be. I'm glad you haven't :)

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    That is a FABULOUS idea!!! Not only are you writing it every day, but if you put the whiteboard somewhere easily visible, you can be reminded of your gratitude all day, every time you see it! Good for you, making those dreams happen, you busy girl, AND committing to take time to remember the blessings in your life! Thanks so much for reading and following, and I hope to get to know you too. :)

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Exactly! We all succumb to negative thoughts sometimes; the trick is to not get caught in the downward spiral. But it sounds like I don't need to tell you that… :)

  • Jen Says:
    November 10th, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    I've been trying to do this on my blog, and while I don't make it every day, I do make an effort to share what I'm grateful for.

    Today, I'm grateful for seasonal pumpkin beer and great conversation with a good friend.

    And I too learned how to type from Mavis Beacon. :)

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    November 11th, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    Thanks! It is waaaaay too easy to focus on the negative – but it's just because we have more practice at it; the more you move yourself from that & remind yourself of the positive, the easier that becomes too. xx

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    November 12th, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    It's funny how for some people (me) finding your happiness requires a deliberate plan. You have to work for it. You have to go after it with a hunger. I love the idea of stating what we are grateful for on a daily basis. I, for one, am grateful to stratejoy for bringing people like you and all your inspiration into my tiny corner of the world.

  • poppo Says:
    November 13th, 2010 at 6:40 am

    Confession
    I started the gratitude list a few months ago but let it drop out of my life. I will now start again.
    I have a calandar that has boxes for each day that are large enough to write (small) in. I leave it on my kitchen countertop where it can't be forgotten. I instantly see an empty box where I missed a day and I can, at a glance, see previous listings. Looking back is sometimes very funny or it reminds me of something and I smile. I am grateful for that as well.
    Thanks Nikki

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