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Nothing a Little TV Won’t Fix

posted 25th November 2010    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: All Posts, Marian, Season 3, Tips & Tools, Travel, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

I have two kinds of bad days: The first being days where things go so horribly, horribly wrong that I can’t eat or sleep or concentrate on anything other than the nasty stuff. The second being days when I just feel…. well, “off.” Thankfully, I have significantly less of the former than the latter and not too many of the latter, either. Basically, my days are pretty much the same. Day in, day out, and that’s my Quarterlife Crisis. Hardly any sobbing moments of depression or seizures of fear gripping my heart, but just weeks of feeling blah and uninspired.

But when those bad days do come along? Well, I’d like to pretend I meditate or go for long walks or listen to music. I’d really love nothing more than to tell you that I’m significantly more well balanced and practical than I am.

Do you know what I really do when shit hits the fan? I watch TV.

There’s something about absorbing yourself in someone else’s problems or into a world where things don’t exist (hello, Vampire Diaries!) that does wonders for my funk.

Everyone says good ole fashioned exercise will help clear my thoughts, helping me solve or meditate on any problem. Thing is, that just doesn’t work for me. Sure, I love a good walk, and being back home in the ‘burbs has done wonders for my mental health, but the quiet and solitude only makes the problem worse when all I have are my thoughts. And when I’m stressed about work, being away from my desk only makes the time crunch harder. I’m better off plowing through and finishing the thing that was stressing me out in the first place.

Writing in my journal doesn’t help because I honestly just need a break from my problems, not 30 minutes writing about them. If I wanted to write I’d lose myself in a blog post. If I wanted to sit and think about my problems I’d talk to my boyfriend or my parents or a friend.

“They” tell us that Americans watch too much TV and I couldn’t agree more. My parents didn’t let my brothers and I watch television growing up and I know I’m a better person because of it. I’ve read more, I write better, I played piano and sung in a choir and taught myself grandma things like knitting and baking. I couldn’t be more grateful to my parents for that thing I hated them for at 13.But I’m a grown-up now and can make my own decisions and came to the conclusion that while a time suck, TV isn’t the root of all evil. I shuddered when the friend of a friend haughtily told me, “Oh, we don’t watch TV” when I asked if she had seen something or other. What, are you better than me?

Because when I’m a mess and just need a break, there’s nothing a little Bones won’t fix. Or Dexter. Or Damon Salvatore.

Yeah, there are a few trashy shows I’m addicted to. And yes, I did watch all 7 seasons of Buffy my senior year of college. And yes, I did gain 10 pounds during that year. But I also wrote a 40 page thesis on how and why young women identify as feminists, created and ran my own study of over 3,000 women and I got an A. And I won’t let anyone tell me I wasted that yet. Buffy was my respite from the work and the stress of my long-distance relationship and the drama going on in my apartment at that time.

Yes, I’m aware I need to live my own life and not bask in the adventures of others, but I’m moving across the world y’all. For the second time this year. And I run my own business. And I’d like to think I’m a moderately interesting person. I make my own adventures. So don’t judge my vice and let me have my shows. They keep me sane when I’m ready to tear my hair out.

And for those of you who aren’t TV-addicts like me? To each her own. So what do you do to calm the stress or ease a bad day? (Anything other than running or meditating is greatly appreciated, of course. Otherwise, I’ll just feel lame for admitting my deep dark secret.)

[photo credit:  h.koppdelaney]

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a Future Soundbyte

posted 24th November 2010    Written by: Nikki    CATEGORY: All Posts, Inspiration, Job/Career/Work, Nikki, Season 3

The date:  November 24, 2015

The Scene: In studio for KCRW (CA local NPR station)’s live radio show “The Treatment” – interviews in Arts and Entertainment.

Welcome to The Treatment; I’m Elvis Mitchell.  Since her debut in the cult classic trilogy “Atlas Shrugged,” based on the controversial Ayn Rand book, my guest Nikki Klecha has caught the attention of audiences with memorable supporting roles in some of the last five years most notable indie films.  She’s here with us today to discuss her most recent project, the award-winning film “The Hum,” her inspirational website, and her first novel, due out early next year.  Welcome, Nikki; we’re glad to have you here.

I’m so incredibly happy to be here; thanks for having me.

Now, Nikki, your LA story is an interesting one; tell us a little bit about your journey.

Well, about six years ago, I was done with Los Angeles.  I was a burned out actor; I’d been working hard & feeling like I was getting nowhere.  I took some time out, traveled for a while –

Australia, right?

Yes, four months in Australia, which changed my perspective.  I realized, I don’t have to be miserable (laughing) I don’t need this career that frustrates me and I’m not tied to LA, there are many other things I can do to be happy; it was a revelation.  So I planned to move, sold all my furniture, and the day I sold my bed was the day I got the call that I was cast in “Atlas.”

If you love something let it go and if it comes back to you… right?

I guess so!

So, you stayed  in LA, obviously, and “Atlas Shrugged Part I” was the first time we, the movie going masses, heard of you.

Right.  The film came out in 2011 to great reviews, and the next thing I knew, doors were opening!  Things still moved relatively slowly, of course, I’m not a household name, by any means, but I just managed to ride the wave of that movie.  I was in the right place at the right time.  And with the subsequent success of Parts 2 and 3, I was able to pay off my credit cards (something every LA-actor dreams of!) and really focus on my writing, acting and building my website.

After the Atlas trilogy, you filmed “The Writers,” which gained a strong underground horror-fan following.

Yes.  That and my most recent film, “The Hum” were labors of love; all the cast and crew were friends, and I’ve known most of them since college.  They were so much fun to make.  And I must be the easiest actress to work for in the horror genre; I was honestly terrified half the time!  (laughing)

Tell us a little about the film you just mentioned, “The Hum;” it just premiered at Sundance and took home some awards, correct?

It did, yes!  That was a dream come true, going to Sundance with a film, especially one that was such a collaborative effort between friends.  I think we all feel like, finally, finally we’re hitting our stride and doing what we came here to do, after 10 years of struggle.

You also run a successful blog called The Grateful Sparrow, which I must admit, I’m a little addicted to.

Are you?  Thanks!  Yes, it’s my baby; I think of it as a daily jolt of inspiration.  I believe that we each have the power to change our lives for the better, whether it be through a large change, like quitting a job or moving, or a small change in mindset.  I hope the site helps people see that and gives them the courage and inspiration to take their next step toward a happier life.

And you’ve written a novel; have you always wanted to write, or is this a new endeavor?

Oh no, I’ve always loved writing; ever since I could read, I’ve been writing.  I just love stories.  For years now, I’ve been freelance writing – in fact, 2011 was the landmark year where I was able to not have a “day job” for the first time ever! – for various online & print publications.  I’ve always had “write a novel” on my bucket list, and now, thanks in part, I’m sure, to the attention I’ve received from the films and the blog, I have a publisher lined up and I’m finally doing it!  It will be available early next year.

And I understand we can look forward to seeing you in the next Michel Gondry film?  Can you tell us a little bit about it?

Yes!  And I am kid-on-Christmas-Eve excited!  He’s my favorite director; I love the imagination that goes into his work.  We had our first table read the other day and the storyboards are just incredible.  I don’t want to give anything away, but it’s going to be a dreamy, lovely story of friendship and the absurdities of love.  I can’t wait to start shooting.

And, as if all that isn’t enough, what’s on the horizon for you personally?

Well, I just got married and got back from a two month honeymoon; we bought around the world tickets and continent-hopped.  It was amazing.  We just bought our first house, and I’m ready to settle in, be in one place for a while, and nest.  I think I’ve earned a little down time.

Well, don’t take too long off, we’ll miss you.

(laughing) Ok I won’t.

You can catch Nikki Klecha in the award-winning film, “The Hum” in limited release nationwide, on her blog TheGratefulSparrow.com, and keep an eye out for her book next year.  Thank you so much for coming in, Nikki.

It’s been my pleasure.

[Photo: me doing a Sirius radio interview for a film I was in, "Family"]

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The Trick to Saving Your Own Life

posted 23rd November 2010    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Life Lesson, Molly

My business is dedicated to helping you figure out your definition of success. Why? Because getting really fucking clear on your definition of success is insanely useful. You know what and where to aim, and you can celebrate your own path instead of continually comparing yourself to someone else or getting sidetracked by the next shiny object.

Obviously, in my own life, I try my very hardest to practice what I preach.

I’m teaching action planning?  Then I’m implementing my own action plans.  I’m coaching about expanding your social circle to find the true friendships that you crave?  Then I’m doing it in my own life as well.   I’m writing about falling head over heels in love with yourself?  Then you better believe I’m blowing myself kisses and shimmying in the mirror to admire my rockin’ moves.

In that spirit, I want to share a two very specific examples of how my own definition of success has supported me in times of trial.  Yes, babelicious, this is the trick to saving your own life.

Story One (The Relationship One)

One year ago, I was spending Thanksgiving with one of my bff’s and  her fiance at her parent’s house on the coast near the Canadian border.  I was laying low, taking care of my tender ego, and trusting my heart with all that I had.  The key question here is: Why wasn’t I with the Big Man?

The short version is that I was giving him space to figure out his version of his best life. We had been together for over 4 years when he told me that he wasn’t sure if kids were in his future…  The hardest part?  Kids were definitely in MY future and I had never been quiet about that point.  Having those little people, building a family, and being a mom have always been major players in my definition of success.

The Big Man and I had hit the largest bump in our relationship.

Having kids were one thing that I wasn’t willing to give up or leave to a maybe…  But I also realized that if they weren’t part of his best life, there was no way I could force it.  What good did that do us? And I really wanted him to live the life he wanted for himself, even if that didn’t include children or me for that matter.  People asked me if I was making the right choice — should I really put a desire for children before this man that I loved?

I understood the point they were trying to make.

The Big Man and I had an amazing relationship.  We really supported each other in our desired lifestyle and crazy traveling habits and freedom seeking vibe.  We made each other laugh, stood up for one another, and worked hard at making things work.  But kids were in my definitely in my version of success and he wasn’t quite sure.  Stalemate.

I moved out for a couple of months in 2009, giving him time and space to figure out what he wanted.

I was so certain that my best version of my life included a family that the decision to leave was hard, but also very clear.  And I wanted to make sure that he was making the right decisions for himself.  So, in-the-throes-of-unannounced-sobbing and my-whole-life-is-falling-apart-answers-to-how-are-you-doing-questions mode, I spent last Thanksgiving and Christmas apart from the Big Man.  I slept on an air mattress at my sister’s house (thank you to all her amazing roomies).   I cried, and journaled, and asked the Universe if I was doing the right thing.

Deep down, I knew that I was doing what I had to do for myself. And that I needed to allow him to do what he needed to do.  That certainty was freeing and saved me from all the second guessing and regret that tends to come major decisions like the one that I had made.

Obviously, there is a happy ending to this story.   I’m not going to pretend to know the work or prayers or  therapy that Big Man went though to uncover his choices, but we got engaged last January and married in August, and are now traveling around the country on our very extended honeymoon.  I imagine, once we settle down somewhere, it will be just about time to get down to the baby-making business!

My definition of success was my rock. All the work I had done to get clear about my desires and place in the world made “trusting my gut” and “standing up for myself” possible.

Story Two (The Lifestyle One)

For those of you who know me in real life, you know that this trip has been an interesting experience for me…   I’m living out of my car, staying in guestrooms, arriving in cities without knowing where we are sleeping, eating way too much crap on the road, having amazing adventures, driving and biking and walking a lot, and trying my very best to grow this amazing business I love so I can serve more women who need me.

For those of you who know me ever better, you know I’m a planner at heart. To be this free-spirited and free-wheeling actually takes quite a bit of concentrated effort on my part. I am getting a daily dose of staying in the moment practice, instead of obsessing about my future.

After a month on the road, I stared pining to go home.  I wanted to wake up and meditate.  I wanted to drink green smoothies.  I wanted to work my butt off on my Fierce Love product and guest blog for million cool people and form lucrative partnerships and figure out how to reach all those 20somethings who need me.  I wanted to be have a plan and be able to execute it without the daily concerns of  “Where are we going to eat?  Where are we going to sleep?  What do you what to do today versus what do I need to get done?”

Basically, I started freaking out. I wanted more control…   And then, after two super inspiring pump me up conferences for women entrepreneurs, I REALLY wanted to go home.

It was time to conquer the world!  It was time to monetize like crazy!  It was time emerge as a mix of all my heroines and kick some ass and beef up my writing skills and starting volunteering for hospice and decorate my new home and have imaginative hot sex with my husband and get in ridiculous shape and…  And…

Yes.  I was falling under that trap of “I’ll be happy when…” story.  You’d think I would know better, eh? ;)

Luckily, I have a partner who reminds me of my own bigger picture when I lose my vision.  And I have amazing friends who remind me to enjoy this special honeymoon and the freedom I’ve created in my life thus far to be able to do it.  And I have wise mentors who remind me I’m literally living out a huge dream of mine to be location independent, to make friends all over the country who share my thirst for a (slightly) unconventional life,  to travel with my husband collecting memories, and still be able to work on my passion-fueled business.

And my clients?  They are the best reminder of all.  As we create their definition of success together, I am forced to revisit mine.

A few weeks ago, I was losing touch with my own definition of what it means to be successful.  When I started admitting it, I was forcibly reminded by those around me that my goal isn’t to lead an easy life.  My goal isn’t to have a suburban home and a steady paycheck and a closet full of wrap dresses.  My goal isn’t to exert control of every situation so that I can operate comfortably.   My goal isn’t to be scared of challenges or to shrink back from adventure.

My definition of success is to live an extraordinary life. And part of that adventure is being open to new experiences, to live in the moment, and to really celebrate life!

After a week of processing and revisiting my big goals and dreams, I’ve realized I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing. What I need to be doing…   I’m building a business that supports and inspires women to rock their own lives.  I’m building a relationship that is open to exploration and personal growth and learning through experiences.   I’m checking off my Lifetime List NOW instead of waiting for someday.

Though it took a little prodding by others, I was able to save my own life by returning to my personal definition of success.

Hot damn.

The Wrap Up

Actions items?  Do whatever it takes to get really, really clear on what success looks like for YOU.  Hire a coach.  Take a bunch of inspiring eCourses. (Say, for example, the still awesome Joy Equation!) Go on retreat with nothing but a journal and your favorite pen. Talk it out.  Map it out.  Cover your walls with vision boards.  Study warrior role models.  Surround yourself with like-minded folk.

Define success in your words, in your way.  It’s a lifesaving tool.

**Question I know is coming:  Of course your definition of success will shift and change as you grow and experience new things and discover new truths. That doesn’t mean you should spend time really diving into it now. Create it, capture it, and return to it whenever you feel lost, confused, or overwhelmed by the need to make decisions.

Need some assistance?  Or just want to pick my brain for 75 minutes?

If you’re interested in jamming about your definition and it’s plan of action in 2011- I’m offering one-time power sessions for $100!   This will only be available through January!  It’s super easy to sign up.  Register with the button below, I’ll send you an intake form, and we’ll set up a time to talk for 75 minutes.

No further obligation, no sales pitches.

Just you + me + a supportive, inspiring, creative strategy session about YOUR LIFE.  You’ll leave with clarity, some future challenges, and a huge dose of excitement about life.  Ready?

BUY NOW

p.s.  If it’s not the right fit for you, stayed tuned…. All sorts of new Stratejoy goodies are on tap for 2011.

photo credit : wendkuni

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Advice for My Younger Self

posted 21st November 2010    Written by: Lindsey    CATEGORY: Life Lesson, Lindsey, Season 3

Oh you,

You are on the brink of the grand adventure of growing up. On track to great success, and all that jazz. The path won’t always be smooth, and even though you are confident that you are on the right path to your success, you are going to stumble. You are going to feel lost. You are going to change your mind. And change it again.

That is okay.

You don’t know everything, and you won’t know everything. But… realize this current reality: You aren’t taking the best care of yourself. You aren’t fully thinking through some of your deciscions. And in a few years, you are going to realize how important self-care and forward-thinking can be.

While you work through the mental sludge, and get yourself moving forward, take some advice, from your much-wiser, yet still learning, Quarterlife Crisis self…

Be grateful. Look for the positive in your world. Dwelling on misery does nothing for you. No matter how bad things may seem, you only make them worse by filling your mind with negative thoughts. Be thankful for your loving family and friends, for opportunities, for your health, for your experiences. The power of positive thinking is real.

Pursue your creativity. You are a dreamer and an artist. Write, draw, paint, dance, sing, play music. Creative pursuits can replenish your soul, express yourself in beautiful ways. Don’t let your creative spirit wither…

Balance your lifestyle. School and career are not everything. Work on bringing consciousness to your daily actions and filling your days with more than the stress and burden of your education.

Question everything. You are in charge of your life. Don’t take the opinions of others as fact.

Listen. More than you speak.

Step away from the television. Reality TV is not good for your soul, and you are escaping the whole “conscious living” thing with reruns of America’s Next Top Model. Seriously. Reruns. Step away, child.

Believe in yourself. Self-confidence doesn’t fall in your lap, you have to work for it. But it’s totally worth it.

Respect your limits. Say no sometimes. Just because you can do it, you don’t have to take on more burdens.

Choose your relationships wisely. The people in your life will affect you deeply. Know that you can choose to be around those who inspire you, who make you happy, who help you grow into a better person.

Realize success is defined by you. What is success? I know you probably don’t have an answer, but some visions of a certain GPA and a certain job offer. Little secret: success is something you get to define. Success is freedom to live the life you want. It’s okay to be different.

Treat your body well. I can’t stress this enough, how good you will feel by eating nourishing foods and being active. Stay active and inspired, don’t let limiting beliefs about being un-athletic hold you back. You ARE an athlete that can snowboard and swim and twist and stretch. Yoga? Go to a class. You might get a bit carried away… in a good way.

Realize that this is a journey that doesn’t end at a predestined date of graduation, or at a certain age. Live each day to the fullest. Pursue things that make you smile. Be happy.

Oh, and happiness? It’s not a big mystery. It’s just about taking care of yourself.

Love!

{ photo credit : caitlinator }

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Inspiration Through the Senses

posted 20th November 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Creativity, Inspiration, Renee, Season 3

Inspiration finds me through my five senses…

See: I am inspired by seeing my to-do list and crossing things off.  I’m inspired by gut-wrenching stories on cable television and innovative new tricks on Mythbusters.  I’m inspired by food contests, sunny days, and my name in print. I’m inspired by a change in my environment, like switching out the glass coffee table in the living room for faux leather ottomans.  I’m inspired by people who laugh unabashedly. I’m a sucker for a well-written articles.  A stack of research inspires me to be productive.

Smell: I love warm smells. When I work in my basement office at home, I always burn a candle that smells like banana bread.  I’m inspired by the smell of doughnuts wafting from the grocery store early in the morning. Anything that smells like cookies in the oven inspires me to get cozy and open my heart. I love the smell of earth after a spring storm. I love the smell of campfires and marshmallows.

Hear: I love Pandora. There’s the Jason Mraz station when I cook, the Film Scores station when I read, the Keren Ann station when I write, and the Hip Hop station when I need a brain break.  Also, to get my brain warmed up during my 6:30am commute to school, I plug in a podcast, usually Stuff Mom Never Told You or Stuff You Should Know. (The girls on Stuff Mom Never Told You have my perfect job. Research and reporting on feminist issues? Yes, please.)  These podcasts have inspired some of my research already. But I also love the sound of silence.

Taste: Italian food and wine inspire me.  Enchiladas and Corona inspire me.  Cupcakes calm me down.  Afternoon pitas and chai get me through my night classes on particularly rough days.  Trader Joe’s Winter Blend coffee in the morning is why I get out of bed.  Sugar cream pie makes me all nostalgic. I love the taste of fresh garden tomatoes.  I crave broccoli on the regular.

Feel: Feeling that someone believes in me is inspirational. Feeling my kitty curled up next to me makes me feel at ease.  The warmth from a cup of tea calms me down.  Switching from jersey-knit to flannel sheets when it gets cold inspires me.  The warmth of the sun on my skin is inspirational. I love the feel of freshly washed jeans just out of the dryer.

{photo via janhamlet1}

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