Redefining Success in Grad School

posted 13th November 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Job/Career/Work, Life Lesson, Renee, Season 3, What I've Learned

I made one goal for grad school. I wanted to be an A student.

I didn’t graduate college with honors, but I know I could have. I didn’t apply myself. I got a C in Liberal Arts Mathematics, a C in Contemporary Moral Life, a C in Organizational Communication, and a D in Biology & Human Values.  I remember my lowest grades… and I remember why I got them.  I never showed up to Biology.  I had the flu the day of the Contemporary Moral Life midterm. I hated Org Comm.  I was no good at story problems in math.

Had I shown up, had I been healthy, had I done the readings, had I studied harder, had I asked for help…. I could have graduated summa cum laude.  But I didn’t apply myself in undergrad and I’m still okay with that.  It was good enough for me. I still graduated with a 3.3 GPA.  I got into the grad school I wanted.

The Ph.D. programs I’d like to apply to are tough, you guys.  There are a lot of applicants for very few spots.  Though the university currently pays for my M.A. through my teaching assistantship, funding for Ph.D. programs is not guaranteed. I’m terrified. And once I get my Ph.D. and I start applying to Real Professor Jobs With Salaries, it gets even more competitive.

So you see why I want to get A’s. I don’t want to give any Ph.D. programs any reason not to admit me or give me an assistantship.  I don’t want any university to deny me a position for a poor grade in my M.A.

I recently finished up my midterm week (aka Hell Week).  In my program, your grade often consists of a midterm exam, final exam, and a final paper (15-25 pages).  What does this mean? Well, there aren’t many grades distributed so you can’t exactly choke on one and bring your grade back up with the rest of your work. Doesn’t quite work like that.

So what did I do over midterm week?  I choked. I got a B- on a midterm.  Of course, this was the midterm I dreaded most and the one I studied hardest for.  You can imagine how someone, whose goal is all A’s, who knows she can do better, who knows just how smart she is and how good of a student she can be if she just applied herself, can feel like she failed.  Because I did apply myself.  And I tried my damnedest.  In the end, I didn’t succeed.

That’s the thing about goals: sometimes they don’t work out the way you want them to but they require you to think of alternate paths to success. So what, I got a B-.  That means I better rock the pants off my research paper for that class.  That means I now understand what my prof is looking for.  That means I’ll be better prepared for the next test.  That means the A I got on my presentation on that class was hard to earn and I did it.

I’m learning to take pride in my effort, in my hard work, in knowing I’m doing the best I can.  I’m learning how to learn, how to research, how to analyze.  I’m learning so much.  I know when I look back on my very first grad school midterm, I’ll realize how far I’ll have come and that will be my success.

{photo via felipe ferreira}

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Comments (6)

6 Responses to “Redefining Success in Grad School”

  • pixie658 Says:
    November 13th, 2010 at 10:25 am

    A fellow grad student (over at http://catehuston.com/blog) reminded me that in grad school we have to remind ourselves that accomplishing 65% of impossible things is more important than accomplishing 100% of possible things. :) Maybe impossible isn't the right word, but accomplishing 65% of what most people never even attempt is a big deal! Here's the thing: You DID succeed because you chose this path knowing it would be tough, but also knowing it is what you want to do. Failure is part of the learning process even though is really hurts. You know this is the most fulfilling path, even if it is hard. You're in grad school. Say that aloud if you have to. Grad.freaking.school. Something like only 9% of the US population have master's, professional or doctorate degrees. So you're one step closer to being in that 9%. You'll rock it, babe. You will. (Also, I'm saying these things to remind myself because I get bogged down in the negative aspects of school too often.)

  • Ardith Says:
    November 13th, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    Reading blogs is a break from my grad school projects! Are you doing overall good work? Are you staying engaged, especially when working with students? I bet you're an awesome teacher/professor-in-training– and that personality is going to be something that Ph.D. programs will want, too. Nothing worse than an uninteresting professor, can you dig it? Looks like you have the right attitude anyway. Learn from something that may not have turned out as well as you would have liked, and move forward. That's what's important.

    (Also, what sort of program are you in?)

  • Alisha Says:
    November 13th, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    I think what's most important to always feel proud of what you do whenyou know you've tried your best. That's all you can do: try your best.

  • Renee Says:
    November 14th, 2010 at 11:51 am

    That's what I have to keep in check — I'm doing something REALLY FREAKING HARD and I need to own that. Thanks for all your support. :-)

  • Renee Says:
    November 14th, 2010 at 11:52 am

    That's right, Alisha. My best is good enough. Gotta keep reminding myself of that!

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    November 15th, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    Awesome attitude!! You have to see things like that, and KNOW that they're true, or else it's too easy to get bogged down in "failures." Everyone has moments where they don't do as well as they'd like, but the trick is to keep going. High five to you for realizing that!!

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