Bad Days Are Okay

posted 17th December 2010    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3, Spirituality, What I've Learned

I have had a string of bad days.  Not “my dog died” kind of bad, but more like the kind of days when you just want to hide from the world.  Usually these kinds of days are riddled with self-doubt.  They are filled with surges of confidence that quickly disapate.  And I spend copious amounts of energy doing the things that I think will lift my spirits only to feel even worse than I did before.

I took my medicine.

I journaled–tried to acknowledge my fears with words.

I texted, tweeted and wrote to friends.

I took long, scalding showers.

I turned on Britney Spears and did funny dances with the kids.

It didn’t work.  Despite doing all of those things, each day was filled with moments where I sat on the edge of the sofa with eyes full of tears that would not fall.  So one night I said to myself, you know, maybe I don’t need to try to fight these feelings so hard.  Maybe I need to go ahead and acknowledge these feelings–embrace them even–and just be.

Normally when I reach this point, I dig through my nightstand drawer and consult a spiritual text (of which there are many).  But instead I looked up my astrological profile.  I know, funny isn’t it?  I was grasping for something, anything, that might help me understand why I was feeling this way, why I so often feel this way, and this is what it told me:

. . . . Cancerians are family centered, tradition bound, tied to the past, fearful of the future and of the unknown. Security is one of their major goals. . . .  Cancerians look toward introversion and melancholy. They are as restless and moody as the shifting tides. They…like to retreat into dreams and fantasies and to shelter themselves in the relative safety of the past.

. . . . They tend to be exclusive in their social contacts; at the same time, they are particularly touchy about being excluded by others. And they never forget a slight. . . .

. . . . If they are disappointed, they become withdrawn and hostile. . . .

. . . . At their best, Cancerians of both sexes are among the most loving of people, profoundly intuitive, and quick to grasp and respond to the emotional needs of others. They inspire and nurture growth. It is Cancerians’ task to find safe haven in which their sign’s exquisite sensitivity can bloom and flourish. Otherwise, the crab my find itself dominated by the prickly, grasping side of its nature.

Sigh of relief.

I am not sure why, but I found this comforting.  I’m not a huge believer in astrology; I don’t read my daily horoscope or consult the position of the moon and stars to chart my life plans.  But in that moment, it was as though it answered all of these big, scary questions that have been hovering over me these past few days.  Why am I like this?  Why do I feel like this?  Is this okay? In that moment I accepted that it was okay being me.  It was okay that I am emotionally-unstable.  (Okay, I had to chuckle at that last line, but it’s so true.)  It was a reminder that I can love all of me, even if there are parts of me that literally drive me crazy.  It is just who I am.  And I can’t force myself to become someone I am not.

So these bad days, though they do suck, are okay.  I have them.  I had them in the past and there will be many more in the future.  But I don’t have to fight with them all the time.  Sometimes I can just let them be bad.

(photo credit)

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Comments (9)

9 Responses to “Bad Days Are Okay”

  • Akhila Says:
    December 17th, 2010 at 8:38 am

    Great post. I have been having my extra share of bad days in the recent weeks and I found comfort in your article. Strange though, I loved your idea and immediately went to check out my astrological profile (Aries) and weirdly, I found that it does not represent me AT ALL, and seems almost opposite to my nature. Weird…

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    December 17th, 2010 at 9:18 am

    It IS ok and we all have them – we all have down days & down months. I've totally found solace in my astrological profile before; it's so good to know you're not crazy, that there are intrinsic parts of you that make you feel this way. I think you're wise to let yourself be. Let yourself feel what you feel – the more you try to change it the more you're holding onto it – maybe if you let it be you can let it go & it will pass. I hope you're feeling better this week. xoxoxo

  • noreen Says:
    December 17th, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    I try to think of bad days as necessary transition/unseen growth days. When things need to be left as they are, experiencing the meh-ness, in order to come out the other side. This poem often helps me:
    "Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
    Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
    And could you keep in your heart the miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
    And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
    And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.” (Khalil Gibran ~ The Prophet)

    But also, in case this is any help, at the moment we're coming up towards the winter solstice on Tuesday, which is also full moon with an eclipse. Powerful energies that will churn up a lot of raw emotion. It's not just you. <<hugs>> xox

  • Jen Says:
    December 17th, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    I love this! I know exactly the bad days you are talking about, and as I read what you found about Cancerians, I kept seeing that little light bulb flicker in my head! I am a Cancer too, so I understand that side of you that you love to hate and hate to love. Thank you for reminding me "what the hell is wrong with me" is actually just a piece of who I am, which is completely ok. We are ok. :)

  • Alisha Says:
    December 18th, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    I'm glad you were able to find some comfort in my article :) I have found that, depending on the source, my horoscope and profile can be way off. (Though depending on your birthday you may be on the cusp of another sign that may fit you a little better.) I am just always looking for ways to understand myself better and sometimes astrology helps me. But most importantly, we just have to remember that sometimes it is okay to just be. I hope your days are getting better :)

  • Alisha Says:
    December 18th, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    Thanks Nikki. I am much better :) Like you said, I just had to let myself feel what I was feeling and that helped me to let go of it much faster.

  • Alisha Says:
    December 18th, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Yes! Transition and growth! As I came out of my funk, that's exactly what happened: I grew. There is some cosmic shifting going on too–that does help to explain it as well.

    Thank you for that quote too. I have seen many quotes from Gibran, but I think I need to go read some texts for myself :)

  • Alisha Says:
    December 18th, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Yes, Jen, we are ok :) Isn't it funny how we can recognize those pieces in us? Even though some of my character traits drive me nuts, I also love how they make me special.

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    December 20th, 2010 at 7:56 am

    Isn't it funny that as women we feel we have to hold the family and the life together? We know our spouses or kids or siblings or parents have bad days. We give them permission and try to help them through it. When it comes to our own bad days, we have trouble just letting ourselves feel it. Or maybe that's just me….

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