Archive

Dear Renee, age 16

posted 25th December 2010    Written by: Renee    CATEGORY: Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Renee, Season 3, What I've Learned

Dear Renee, age 16,

You realize how lucky you are to be living a storybook life right now. You’re in honors courses. You’re dating your best friend who plays in a pretty sweet band. You’ve got all the solos in choir and you make all the plays you audition for. Your teachers love you, your friends love you, and some of your classmates have told you that they admire you. Shit, you’re doing something right.

But know this is not as good as it gets. You are simply learning what greatness feels like, but it’s not all the greatness you’ll feel in your life. Know that your boyfriend will cheat on you with a taller, prettier version of yourself. Even though that will put you in a tailspin and on anxiety meds, know that this experience will help you realize how good of a catch you really are. This experience will teach you the lessons of heartbreak and it will teach you that putting giant chewed up jelly beans on that girl’s car is actually really funny and healing. Just not the second time. But most of all, this experience will give you a taste of how resilient you truly are. You’re only scratching the surface of your strength.

When someone all but promises you the lead in your senior musical, know that you still have to work for that audition. In the offchance that you blow it, you’ll learn that even those things that you take for granted require effort. You blow your audition and you get cast as a guy. Seriously. I wish I could make that part up. It’s the cherry on the sundae that makes you resent high school. That, coupled with all your friends graduating early, and all the drama that surrounded your break-up with aforementioned boyfriend, makes you look forward to college. And I’m telling you now, college is a bajillion times better than high school. You don’t even need anxiety meds in college (or post-college).

Listen, I know you’re on top of the world right now. You feel like everything is going in the right direction. You think you’re going to marry that boy and settle down in northern Indiana and pop out babies and go to church every weekend… but a little thing called politics and feminism will soon creep into your life. You’ll take some new media classes. You’re a smart cookie, but you’ll find a hunger for knowledge soon enough. You’ll meet a young man who listens and appreciates you for who you are and won’t try to change you. You’ll graduate high school. You’ll win awards in college. You’ll get A’s in grad school. You’re going to succeed far beyond your current dreams.

Dream bigger, lovely.

So stop passing notes in World History. Stop drinking the nights before choir competitions. Stop making out in the driver’s seat of your tiny car. You’re so much better than that. It gets so much better than that.

And when you get caught cheating on your Biology exam? You’d better feel DAMN lucky he let you retake it. Also, you’ll get a lead in Hello Dolly, so stop whining about Annie Get Your Gun.

Love,

Renee, age 24

{photo credit: D Sharon Pruitt}

divider

A Year of Abundance

posted 24th December 2010    Written by: Alisha    CATEGORY: Alisha, All Posts, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 3

It’s that time of year again. The time for reflection.

The time for 2010 was a year of Discovery for me.

Because of The Joy Equation, I rediscovered my values.

Because of writing, I rediscovered my passion for life.

Because of my children, I rediscovered my intuition.

Because of all of these things (and more), I rediscovered myself.

This part of my journey was so crucial.  It has laid the foundation for the beautiful things to come in my future. I hope that 2011 is all about Abundance.  Everything positive that occurred this year, I want 10 times more of it.  Not because I am greedy, but because I deserve it.  And no, I am not just talking about money (though I definitely could use much more of that in 2011).

I am talking about love, connection, community, trust, spirituality, health. I am talking about more time spent with my family and more time spent with my creativity. Because I deserve it.

This year of discovery has also been about remembering that I am worthy. (All of us are born worthy. But somewhere along the way, because of things people have said or things we have experienced in life, that belief in our worth fades, maybe it disappears.) It wouldn’t have mattered how badly I wanted success, love, happiness, or fulfilling work if deep down I never believed that I deserve it.   And I finally believe it.

Yes. Abundance. That is what I hope to see in 2011.

(photo: the Hindu Goddess Lakshmi, the goddess of abundance; credit)

divider

So *This* Is Christmas?

posted 23rd December 2010    Written by: Marian    CATEGORY: All Posts, Family, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Marian, Season 3, Travel

I don’t think there’s any possible way to talk about Christmas other than remember what it was like as a child. As long as I can remember my family celebrated the holidays in the exact same way:

The night before Christmas was spent at church. The church I grew up with was always filled with children and every Christmas Eve they held a holiday pageant, where kids and adults alike would dress up and walk down the huge aisle to a relevant song in the Christmas story. My favorite bit was when the three male singers in the congregation dressed up as the three kings and each one would walk down the aisle singing – wait for it – We Three Kings. The service went on like this for 30 minutes or so, then we’d end it by having each member get a candle lit and we’d all sing Christmas carols like Angels We Have Heard on High and Silent Night.

Then, the family would head back home and open up stockings. I never believed in Santa -  my mom thought it took away from the meaning of Christmas. Yes, I was that annoying kid who ruined it for everyone. Because of this, stockings were slowly filled in the weeks before and we ripped them open on Christmas Eve.

Afterward, my three brothers and I would trudge up to bed only to stereotypically wake up hours before our parents and either jump on their bed at 6am or wait tentatively by the tree for them to get up. There’d usually be a few rips in the wrapping paper from us trying to take a peek at our loot. We’d then be forced to eat breakfast and watch our parents drink coffee, but then it was PRESENTS TIME (so much for that “meaning of Christmas” bull shit).

I love the way my family opened presents. Each person took one turn to open one gift, which had to be opened with everyone watching to appreciate. There are six of us in my family so it took ages, but it meant that each present got it’s recognition and there was always 10 minutes of suspense in between each one.

During all this the whole family would be in their pajamas (except for my dad, who always wears the same Christmas sweater) and some form of the Hallelujah chorus or George Winston’s December would be playing in the background.

We’d usually finish up around 1pm, and get ready for my Grandma’s house, where we’d open more presents, eat food and listen to good ole Frank Sinatra crooning carols. Basically, nothing special, but classic music, amazing Italian food, lots of presents, twinkly lights and a big family who always got along on Christmas day.

Fast forward a decade…

Christmas in New Zealand

Two weeks ago I arrived in New Zealand, with the most beautiful scenery and nicest people I’ve ever met.

I also arrived to witness the weirdest flop of Christmas tradition, unsettling my idea of this holiday.

Supermarkets play carols, yes, but they are the corniest, 80s renditions and I’m listening to them while folks walk around in flip flops and board shorts. Christmas lights are strung around palm tress. Apparently you don’t get a cozy meal around the fire, but a barbecue.

This can’t be Christmas!

But instead of getting upset (which I was expecting), I just feel like Christmas isn’t happening this year. Or that I’m experiencing a different holiday altogether. I warned my boyfriend before coming that I’d most likely decorate his house with fairy lights, whip up some eggnog, bake some wintry pies, turn on the old-school Christmas tunes, just so I’d feel a little less homesick. I haven’t done any of that this year because it just doesn’t feel right. Plus, I was reading a local magazine the other day and they were talking about how strawberries and other seasonal fruits “make great Christmas pies!”

Umm… no. Pumpkin and apple and pecans make great Christmas pies! It’s like they’re trying to confuse my brain.

In all seriousness though, being here is incredible and beautiful and fun, but it’s the first time in my life I’ve just hoped for the Christmas season to be over. Gone is the magic and tradition and in it’s place I’ve found a completely different holiday with a family I barely know, across the world from my home.

But who knows? I could be making a new tradition.

[photo credit:  hodgers]

divider

Looking Back to move Forward

posted 22nd December 2010    Written by: Nikki    CATEGORY: All Posts, Events, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Nikki, Season 3, Travel, Travel/Adventure, What I've Learned

2010.  It sounds like the future, doesn’t it?  Twenty-ten.  It doesn’t sound like a real year to me, and yet, it is, and very soon, it will be a real year in my past.  Unbelievable.

The holidays are here and with them comes the end of the year and inevietably, self-reflection.  Preparing ourselves for our winkingly optimisitc new year’s resolution, we look back on our year to see where we went wrong, what we want to do better, what we want to change in the clean slate of next year.  While I’m all for that, and a big fan of positive, purposeful change, I think part of why we all break our resolutions (and SO soon – most years, I don’t even get through January!!) is that we’re forming them from a negative place.  We resolve to eat healthier because we feel fat.  We resolve to work harder because we feel unsuccessful.

What if, instead of focusing on what we didn’t do in the last year, we focused on what we did do, what made us feel happy and alive, and resolved to bring more experiences like that into our lives, so that our ultimate resolutions were to have more of those good feelings, spurred on by happy memories instead of guilt and disappointment?

I’m gonna try it.  2010 has been a freaking ridiculous, cry-until-my-eyes-won’t-open, laugh-until-I-can’t-breathe, terrifyingly joyful year.  There are a lot of things I could resolve to change in my life and be more healthy, more productive, more stable.  But when I think about those things, I feel bad; noticing the lack of them invalidates the amazing year I’ve had.  So, instead, here’s a reflection on my past year and some truly positive intentions/resolutions for 2011.

I intend to trust with an open mind & open heart.

The biggest thing 2010 has taught me is to let go of control.  My whole life, I’ve always had a plan and tried to control how that plan unfolds.  I held on too tightly to the things I thought I wanted and I pushed the things I didn’t think I wanted away too forcefully.  It led to confusion, frustration, and, interestingly, left me feeling powerless.  2010 demolished all the plans I’d made for myself.  It swooped in under the fireworks at Airlie Beach, Australia, picked me up & started running, like I was a football under the arm of the quaterback, and that dude is way too burly to fight.  2010 gave me what I wanted when I didn’t want it; it gave me a job when I was about to leave, an apartment when I was furniture-less, an adventure when I was getting settled.  But, as terrifying as it was to be plowing along headfirst down the football field, it was reassuring to remember I’ve got the QB on my side, and the less I resisted, the more fun it became.

I couldn’t have predicted even a third of this year; it knocked me off my feet & onto my ass more than a few times, but I’m so glad I went along for the ride.  It brought more amazing things than I ever could’ve planned for.  Being open to the unexpected things that pop up in life makes life less of a struggle and more fun, and makes me a hell of a lot happier.

I intend to seek out new experiences.

I started the year across the world from home, living with a family that took me in the first week they met me, taking a road trip with a boy I’d known less than a month.  It continued with a planned move across the country, a road trip to see  the US, which, in the blink of an eye, changed to 10 days roadtripping California with my momma and a month of crashing on friends couches.  I acted in a major feature film.  I moved in with strangers.  I took 6 weeks to fly around the country & see cities I’d never been to and friends I’d been dying to visit.  I started a new job, and got thrown right into the thick of it immediately.  I started writing for Escape Hatcher and Stratejoy, and found this amazing community of people on the internet.

Not every year will be as full of major adventures as 2010 has been, I realize.  If they all were, I’d probably end up having a mental breakdown just from pure exhaustion!  But I want to keep in mind that experiencing new things on a fairly regular basis keeps me from getting bored & feeling stagnant.  Even if it’s just taking a Saturday to explore an LA neighborhood I haven’t been to, or learning something new just for fun, I need to create adventures for myself to keep myself feeling fulfilled & creatively challenged.

I intend to be patient & remember that my path is specific to me.

Most of the anxiety in my life comes from me comparing myself to other people.  I look at my friends lives, especially those that are married with career-type jobs, and I feel like I’m not where I “should” be.  But when I was traveling this year and really in the moment, I felt so happy, and really felt a clarity that I am exactly where I need to be and everything is unfolding in its own time.  If I’d forced myself to have the life I thought I was supposed to have, I wouldn’t have been able to take most, if any of the opportunities that came my way this year.  Not to mention, I’d probably be miserable!

It can be hard to hold onto sometimes, but I will keep reminding myself of how it felt to scuba dive the reef, to cruise down the CA coast, to kayak Austin, the thrill of having no idea what’s next or who I’ll meet – to combat those days of low-down-dirty shoulds.  I’ve never dreamed of a normal white-picket-fence life, and even when I do have a career & a family, it will be my way, because it’s my unique life.  I’m exactly where I need to be, right here, right now, and it’s incredible.

2010 has been what I needed it to be and I trust 2011 will be too.  It’s been a year of feet on the dashboard, toothy smiles and too-loud laughs, sing-alongs, hammocks, looking down on the clouds, long hugs, dreams fulfilled, anxiety and excitement, new friends, old friends, take-offs and landings, Skype calls, ridiculous parties, nesting instincts, nomadic whims, writing and writing and writing.  It’s been a year for me to wander and a year for me to sit still.  2010 has made me grow and made me think; it’s prepared me for the hailstorm of joy & productivity that 2011 will bring.  And I can’t wait.

[photo: new years 2010 in Australia - I'm far right]

divider

Self-Doubt and Being a Crazy Woman

posted 19th December 2010    Written by: Lindsey    CATEGORY: Lindsey, Season 3, What I've Learned

Living out Big Dreams is so life affirming and exciting and beautiful, it’s ridiculous. I get to cross off a huge Life List item (Learn to Sail!) while I get a first-hand education in nautical navigation in the next months, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t question myself at times.

Am I being selfish? Should I stop being silly and get That Desk Job I hold in my mind as my end-all-be-all fallback solution? Am I wasting away my youth, living in isolation when I should be in a city, surrounded by people my age, having deep intellectual discussions in indie cafes and pursuing something that resembles a career? Am I missing out on a life I am supposed to be living because I’m stubborn?

And on. And on.

My largest fears are based on fear of failure, and fear of being judged for whatever failures I come by. Choosing to live an alterative lifestyle was a natural progression for me, but when I think about what I am missing back in The Real World, I begin to think – well… what if I fail… then everyone who watched my journey can finally have their last laugh.

As if all my friends and acquantances are watching me from a distance with bated breath, ready to point their fingers and have a big ol’ laugh when I come crawling back to society saying “oookay… I guess I want to take that job… I couldn’t do it… I couldn’t make it on my own…”

Yeah right. Like anyone out there is hoping I’ll fail. And if they do… VOODOO HEX! Zzzzzap! (I don’t really know where that came from, but you get my drift.) But it doesn’t stop me from being more scared of what people will think if I fail, than the actual failure itself.

Where Does This Come From?

Self-doubt, self-confidence, and when it gets really bad, self-loathing. These are my demons, my “Negative Nellie” as Molly has dubbed the inner voice that sits on my shoulder, dressed in red and devil horns, speaking sickly sweet nothings into my ears.

That’s the thing – no matter what, we all have this voice of self-doubt somewhere within. Something about being a girl makes it worse, I think. We spend our lives trying to fill so many roles – the beautiful seductress with the perfect body and fashion sense, the efficient homemaker that bakes badass banana bread while wearing stilettos and sipping red wine in her sparkling clean kitchen, the gender-barrier breaking modern career woman who rises to the top because – THANK YOU CIVIL RIGHTS – she can achieve anything she sets her mind to, the perfect girlfriend/wife with the storybook love affair. And the second that any of these things aren’t perfect, we start to feel inadequate.

As times change, what it means to be a woman has evolved into such a broad and undefined term, it’s hard to keep things straight. “Women are crazy,” say my male friends, but WHAT DO YOU KNOW I want to scream all batshit-crazy-like. We have a lot of things on our plates besides playing Halo and being good at sports.

OKAY, I know this is not how all men (boys?) operate, but I’m just saying, I think we have to work a little harder as women to meet our own expectations for ourselves. And this creates alot negative self-talk and doubt.

And Whats the Solution?

I’m the first to admit – I get caught up in my self-doubt a lot and it is hard as hell to get back to the happy-go-lucky optimism that preludes great breakthroughs, adventures and general life rocking. I recently posted the variety of tactics I use to get out my bad day funks, and these are the methods I apply to my self-doubt. Because, honestly, self-doubt is the root of most of my bad days.

Otherwise, I just have to remind myself: Breathe. Believe in yourself, Lindsey. Believe.

{photo credit : seyed mostafa zamani}


divider

« Previous Page — Next Page »