Self-Doubt and Being a Crazy Woman

posted 19th December 2010    Written by: Lindsey    CATEGORY: Lindsey, Season 3, What I've Learned

Living out Big Dreams is so life affirming and exciting and beautiful, it’s ridiculous. I get to cross off a huge Life List item (Learn to Sail!) while I get a first-hand education in nautical navigation in the next months, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t question myself at times.

Am I being selfish? Should I stop being silly and get That Desk Job I hold in my mind as my end-all-be-all fallback solution? Am I wasting away my youth, living in isolation when I should be in a city, surrounded by people my age, having deep intellectual discussions in indie cafes and pursuing something that resembles a career? Am I missing out on a life I am supposed to be living because I’m stubborn?

And on. And on.

My largest fears are based on fear of failure, and fear of being judged for whatever failures I come by. Choosing to live an alterative lifestyle was a natural progression for me, but when I think about what I am missing back in The Real World, I begin to think – well… what if I fail… then everyone who watched my journey can finally have their last laugh.

As if all my friends and acquantances are watching me from a distance with bated breath, ready to point their fingers and have a big ol’ laugh when I come crawling back to society saying “oookay… I guess I want to take that job… I couldn’t do it… I couldn’t make it on my own…”

Yeah right. Like anyone out there is hoping I’ll fail. And if they do… VOODOO HEX! Zzzzzap! (I don’t really know where that came from, but you get my drift.) But it doesn’t stop me from being more scared of what people will think if I fail, than the actual failure itself.

Where Does This Come From?

Self-doubt, self-confidence, and when it gets really bad, self-loathing. These are my demons, my “Negative Nellie” as Molly has dubbed the inner voice that sits on my shoulder, dressed in red and devil horns, speaking sickly sweet nothings into my ears.

That’s the thing – no matter what, we all have this voice of self-doubt somewhere within. Something about being a girl makes it worse, I think. We spend our lives trying to fill so many roles – the beautiful seductress with the perfect body and fashion sense, the efficient homemaker that bakes badass banana bread while wearing stilettos and sipping red wine in her sparkling clean kitchen, the gender-barrier breaking modern career woman who rises to the top because – THANK YOU CIVIL RIGHTS – she can achieve anything she sets her mind to, the perfect girlfriend/wife with the storybook love affair. And the second that any of these things aren’t perfect, we start to feel inadequate.

As times change, what it means to be a woman has evolved into such a broad and undefined term, it’s hard to keep things straight. “Women are crazy,” say my male friends, but WHAT DO YOU KNOW I want to scream all batshit-crazy-like. We have a lot of things on our plates besides playing Halo and being good at sports.

OKAY, I know this is not how all men (boys?) operate, but I’m just saying, I think we have to work a little harder as women to meet our own expectations for ourselves. And this creates alot negative self-talk and doubt.

And Whats the Solution?

I’m the first to admit – I get caught up in my self-doubt a lot and it is hard as hell to get back to the happy-go-lucky optimism that preludes great breakthroughs, adventures and general life rocking. I recently posted the variety of tactics I use to get out my bad day funks, and these are the methods I apply to my self-doubt. Because, honestly, self-doubt is the root of most of my bad days.

Otherwise, I just have to remind myself: Breathe. Believe in yourself, Lindsey. Believe.

{photo credit : seyed mostafa zamani}


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Comments (9)

9 Responses to “Self-Doubt and Being a Crazy Woman”

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    December 19th, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    Believe in yourself…that's key, because no matter how supportive your support network is, there will be times when no one is on your side. Also, you won't ever fail. Sure, it may happen that someday you find yourself behind a desk, but you'll have this whole life of experiences. That alone is a life well lived!

  • emmajoan Says:
    December 23rd, 2010 at 7:42 am

    Hahaha I have those "prove that I'm crazy by crazily defending myself from crazy accusations" outbursts with my boyfriend all the time. It sure does seem like they have it so easy, especially when they're so dang good at masking their emotions!

    Keep working it Lindsey, everyone's cheering for you! No one is over here with baited breath :)

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    December 26th, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    Oh sweetie- This is such an honest & beautiful post. First things first, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Seriously, I think this is all of us who feel like we're carving out our own path feel… It's how I feel when I let the doubt creep in– That if something happens & I shut down Stratejoy & go back to a jobby job, that everyone will judge me for failing. Those with baited breath will be silently thinking, "That's what she gets for trying something different!"

    BUT THEN I remember that I created this business & community & lovenest in the first place. That it came from an authentic calling & true desire to serve & to share my strengths. That I took the challenge on and that is something to be proud of, regardless of what ends up happening.

    Believe in yourself, adventurer. Be proud that you're out there- living life as a beautiful reflection of YOU, in the moment. Perhaps the next step in your journey will be a big city, and life changing conversations, and job. Perhaps not. Don't let the unknown of the future ruin the amazing adventure of the NOW.

    I'm finally getting to the place of self compassion where my doubt doesn't throw me for such a loop. And I understand that it's my own judgment about what is "right" that is creating the fear. Here's where I land– As long as I have courage & compassion & personal integrity, things will work out. As long as I can practice love & growth, things will work out.

    So yes, believe in your contribution, your beauty, your creativity, your passion, your crazy, your everything. Believe in YOU. (I know I sure do!) XOXO

  • Alisha Says:
    December 29th, 2010 at 10:58 am

    Yes, believe in yourself. Again, something that is so powerful and so hard to do at times. Your words really resonated with me today. Fear of failure–of looking like a failure to others, really–is what keeps me stuck in my rut. Time to ignore those people…this is our one life and only we can live it. (By the way, you're my hero. I'm not waiting for you to fail; I'm super impressed and proud and in awe of what you have chosen to do on your journey!)

  • nikki_klecha Says:
    January 2nd, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    I am SO with you. Thank you for writing this out; it is so universally true. xo

  • Lindsey Says:
    January 11th, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Aw thanks, just gotta keep reminding myself that.

  • Lindsey Says:
    January 11th, 2011 at 11:19 am

    Thank you, thank you, thank you Molly! I'm working on getting there, working on stepping back and knowing that I just have a breathe, and be at peace with my present. Everything is gonna be okay, I know that much. Self-compassion – now THERE is something I need to work on. It's the year of compassion, after all :)

  • Lindsey Says:
    January 11th, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Oh that means so much, Alisha. Molly had some awesome advice in her comment above… looking like a failure to others? Yeah, who cares? Be compassionate with yourself and live life YOUR way.

  • Lindsey Says:
    January 11th, 2011 at 11:23 am

    Believe. Believe. Believe. Because doubt just ain't gonna cut it!

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