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Fear, Nausea, and Creativity In North Georgia

posted 27th February 2011    Written by: Juliana    CATEGORY: All Posts, Creativity, Job/Career/Work, Juliana, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4

The other day I filed for an LLC and almost threw up.   Wait, maybe I should back up.

In addition to pursuing songwriting more, I’m also working on something that’s been in the back of my mind for about a year -becoming a creativity coach. I didn’t even know creativity coaching was “a thing” until I found a way to verbalize what I wanted to do (with some help from the Joy Equation, thankyouverymuch) which is help people get UNstuck and back in touch with their creative flow.

When I started reaching out online to other people who also felt the same calling, I found out that creativity coaching is, indeed, “a thing”, and I decided to go after it!

I’ve read almost every book out there on the creative process, from the more left-brained, business applicable ones to the very spiritual Julia Cameron work. Read isn’t actually the right word…devoured is more like it. In compiling all of that information, my personal experience as an artist , and the training I’m currently getting, I feel like I have a helluva toolbox for helping people.

In late March, I’ll be able to start leading group workshops, and then this Summer I should be completing my certification to coach folks one-on-one.  There’s also a weekend retreat in the works.

It has been a really long time since I felt like I was doing something other than songwriting that qualified as a vocation – literally, a calling – and it’s just an incredible feeling.  Most people are lucky to discover ONE vocation in a lifetime, and here I am, not even thirty, and I might have found two…

So back to the throwing up.

Making steps toward this & my songwriting being my official, authentic, actual businessy things has brought up all kinds of feelings.   The predominant feeling is joy, for sure, because I know that I am getting closer to walking my true path and helping people, but other stuff keeps intruding on that joy. Specifically, fear (which, in me, often manifests with some serious nausea. Hooray.)

When I look that fear-monster right in its disgusting yellow maw,  I notice, aside from the fact that it needs to floss, that’s it’s not what I expected to see:

This fear isn’t about failure. I’ve gotten pretty good at failure, actually…not living up to parental expectations, dropping out of two colleges, breaking off an engagement,  sucking utterly at any sort of long-term health plan… yeah, I can do failure.  I know how to cope with it, and that it’s soothed by bubble baths,  journal writing, and copious servings of chocolate.

This fear is different.  This is a fear of succeeding.

What happens if this comes easily?
What happens if I write that book I want to write, and it actually gets published?
What happens if  I get the opportunity to inspire a ton of people?
What happens if I am really, truly awesome at this?

Cue the puking.

So what the heck is THAT about?!   Shouldn’t I be more scared of falling flat on my face than of being completely spectacular? Alas, I think I have to chalk it up to being a typical human being – one who is uncomfortable with big changes.   Succeeding at these dreams will quite possibly change my entire life… maybe a little at a time, or maybe in huge strokes… and I don’t think my brain has wrapped itself around that yet.  It’s strange to realize that, while failure is not the desired outcome, imagining failure has been more comfortable to me than imagining success.

For now I’m going to treat it the same way I treat my other fears (thank goodness for my awesome, big tub) and try to find small ways to soothe this new beast.

One thing that does seem to help a little is to read quotes by smart people and repeat them to myself.  Here’s one:

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.  - Eleanor Roosevelt

Also, chamomile & ginger are really good for a wobbly stomach.

[photo credit: silkeybeto]

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
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Catching Myself

posted 26th February 2011    Written by: Dee    CATEGORY: Creativity, Dee, Inspiration, Life Lesson, Quarterlife Crisis, Tips & Tools, What I've Learned

I’m ready to start running the race. Literally and figuratively.

I’m about to burst from the starting block.

I think about the place I was a few months ago, and I think about the place I will be a few months from now when my journey writing with Stratejoy ends.

It’s a whole year that I will have challenged myself to change, to discover, to investigate who I want to be and what I want my best life to look like.

That’s a whole year of focused attention on building a foundation of bliss as a launching pad for all of my big, fat, fan-freakin-tastic goals. It will be the most well-spent year of my life.

To an outsider, I’m sure the two versions of me will look much the same. I’ll still be living in my bright blue apartment in a quirky, quiet midwestern town, surrounded by a lot of the same friends, doing mostly the same things day in and day out. I’ll still be a student, working towards my degrees and I’ll still be the same height, with the same weird freckle on my nose that makes people ask if I’ve had my nose pierced (no) (not yet). I’ll still have my beagle, my rocking red hair, and a deep-felt adoration of wine, God willing.

I’ll still be a vibrant young woman with a constant hunger for more, for juicy and bold.

But, when I think more about those two versions, they look vastly different; the former- the me when I first decided to dive head first into self-discovery- lived in a windy, rainy, stormy landscape of confusion and overflowing emotions, where it poured with too many ideas, thunder-stormed with feelings of doubt and lacked sunny days of realistic methods for achievement.

The version of myself in the future? Oh, she’s still wearing her raincoat and gets stuck in a storm now and again, but the forecast calls for warm days of progress, the clouds are gone and the sky is bursting with focus.

What’s different is that now I have a specific list of big dreams and when this short leg of the journey is over, I’ll have learned to shift my focus from thinking to doing.

So far, as I’ve navigated through my Quarter-Life Challenge, I’ve been afraid to define exactly what I want life to look like right now. I’ve always seen a blurry version of myself. She’s always running in the other direction, like she doesn’t want me to catch her for fear that I’ll see her clearly. She knows what she’s doing though, that sneaky gal, because, if I catch her and see her clearly, I’ll have to come face to face with pressure, heightened chances of failure, and the likelihood that I’ll have to put myself in uncomfortable situations and keep promises to myself.

Whoa. Big, whoa stuff. Big, whoa stuff that has always kept me standing still, watching her run away.

Until now.

Working through the Joy Equation (ah-may-zing) has centered my racing mind and brought me to a place that has forced me to identify the core values that I’m looking for, the values of the lovely lady I’m chasing, and in turn, real goals that I can become excited about achieving. I’m no longer standing still, squinting into the future. I am moving forward with my 8 Core Values as a map.

Creativity. I’m a mad woman with a racing mind and I need an outlet. Like, now.

Laughter. Life is so silly, right? Like this ring I’m wearing that is bringing me crazy-good luck. Like all the funnies my college friends and I have.  Like dancing to a terrible karaoke version of anything by Chicago. Like running with children. Like how everything always works out. Like allowing the universe to manifest everything I need. Like when all I want to do is cry or kick someone in the shin, forcing a laugh. Joy. Bliss. Fun. Smiles.

Spirituality. I want a depth of reflection, certainty in my path, and hope for all that is to come.

Connection. I know who they are, they know who they are, and I’m looking for more like them. One of the best things I’ve learned to give my attention to is developing deep relationships with those who ignite my fire. This has meant eliminating toxic relationships. It’s meant recognizing that sometimes friends outgrow each other and that sometimes relationships have seasons. That is totally okay. But, this season of my life is the season for cultivating relationships that make me grow and bloom.

Pleasure. It’s about good everything. It’s about quality. Quality consumption. Quality sex. Yes. Please. Quality conversation. Quality wine. Quality television, quality reading, quality hugs. It’s also about awareness in the moment. It’s recognizing how my senses make me feel.

Discovery. This world is too big to sit around and do what I’ve always done. Give me more! Give me new! Give me wow! Every. Single. Day.

Health. Universe, grant me the strength to introduce exercise into my life. Amen. And, also, the strength to pay attention to what I’m putting inside this proverbial temple known as my body that I usually treat more like a dumpster. It’s mental, spiritual, physical, emotional. It’s finding the love for myself to make my well-being and longevity a priority.

Balance. Making it all come together. Day after day. Walking this tightrope with grace and certainty.

And, getting clear with what I truly value has lead me to identify a whole slew of very specific goals that I’ll be deliberately working towards crossing off my list by the end of my time with Stratejoy.

The big, right-now ones?

You heard it here, friends. And fine, I’ll post pictures when it all actually happens.

Spitting out my specific vision for the next few months gives me such satisfaction because for the longest time I’ve allowed that negative voice inside me to tell me that it’s just going to be impossible, that there’s too much I wanted, too much I’m asking, that my appetite was too big. Now, though, with a totally rockin’ and doable set of unique-to-me plans, I know, for sure, that it is absolutely possible.

Best part? These goals are only the beginning of all the abundant living I’m after, but they have my Core Values written all over them and that makes me so sure that I’m moving in the right direction.

What has always seemed impossible now seems so, so within reach.

Truthfully, I can hardly stand the anticipation of the moment when these immediate goals are met, when I can finally begin to get to know her; the woman I am confident can do it, the woman who has learned to channel her dreams and begin to execute.

Instead of squinting to see that version of myself miles and miles away, I’m running towards her, grabbing her, hugging her, and sincerely saying, “It’s so nice to finally, actually meet you!”


photo credit: [Nate Williams]

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Ten Years Later – From High-School To Right Now

posted 25th February 2011    Written by: Katharine    CATEGORY: All Posts, Events, Katharine, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4

June 4, 2001 – High School graduation day.

I was wearing a white dress, a white cap and gown, and walking down a cement hill leading onto the track on a rainy evening with 300 of my classmates.  We walked out to a song that wasn’t Pomp and Circumstance (because my school couldn’t get it right), holding index cards with our name written out phonetically on it so the Principal would announce it correctly as we walked across the stage.

It was a day I had been waiting for since my Freshman year, because to me, graduating from High School meant officially entering Adulthood – moving out of my mother’s house and living on campus, meeting new friends, joining sororities and student organizations, scheduling my own classes, going to parties, not having a curfew, and living the independent lifestyle I had been craving since I walked into high-school.

And then it happened.

Fast Forward: Late January, 2011.

I logged into Facebook and saw an invitation to my 10 Year High School reunion.

< insert emotional breakdown here >

“Holy shit,” I thought to myself,“Where the hell did those ten years go?  And how do I get them back?!”

After graduation I had a plan: graduate from college, graduate from law school, work for the Federal Government, travel the world, and get married by the age of 30.

Clearly that was my imaginary plan, because my actual plan consisted of: graduating from college, losing my mother, moving to Philadelphia and drinking my body weight in vodka, sabotaging friendships, getting my heart broken, spiraling into depression three times, and getting bitch-slapped with a Quarterlife Crisis.

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future.  Planning for it.  Trying to predict it.  As if figuring it out will cushion the blow.  But the future is always changing.  The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes.  But one thing is certain -  when it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it. At least it wasn’t for me.

I thought by now I would have my shit together.  Ten years is plenty of time to get through law school and become a Special Agent for the F.B.I., or finish culinary school and open up my own restaurant.  Yet here I am at 27, single, childless, unemployed and freaking out because my classmates have gotten married, had babies, traveled, and lived these rock-star lives and I feel like I’ve failed miserably.

I’m not saying I need a relationship or a child or a fancy-schmancy ‘Corporate Executive’ title to validate my accomplishments since high school, but I just want to feel like I’ve done something with my life these last ten years that doesn’t involve empty bottles of alcohol, depression, and broken hearts.

Why are we so quick to notice our failures instead of our achievements?

“Look, I did what I was supposed to do – graduated, got a job, and married before I was 30, and now look at me.  Look how well that turned out.  Would you really be happier if you lived the life you planned, rather than the life you’re living now?”

My friend, a successful business man in his late thirties with an MBA, who is currently going through a divorce.  After having a conversation about high school reunions, I got to thinking:

Why do we insist on growing up so quickly and having our lives all figured out by the time we’re 30?  And for those of us who don’t have it figured out right now, why do we feel like we’ve failed?

Truth is, I don’t think I would be happier had my life gone according to plan.  I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and I know there’s a reason why I lost my parents and battled cancer at such a young age.  I also believe that this Quarterlife Crisis hit at a time when I really needed to figure myself out.  Even if I don’t have all of the answers yet, perhaps I’m one step closer to finding them.

I can’t help but wonder – of my high school classmates who are married, have children, and have fancy schmancy jobs, how many of them are authentically happy?

Maybe I’ll find out at my reunion.



{photo credit: Bredgur}

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Butterflies, Flowers, and Bold New Things

posted 24th February 2011    Written by: Bri    CATEGORY: All Posts, Bri, Love/Relationships
Girls… I, uh ….met a boy.
Oh, the difference a week makes.

Last week was The Loneliness… this week it is butterflies and boldness.  A whirlwind story lifted out of some sort of movie; the kind of movie that makes people roll their eyes from the sappy-romantic-mess.

It feels like a story that’s been told before: boy and girl meet and months go by until one night something clicks.  Sparks that light a would-be-normal-night on fire.  Cue the montage of flowers, kisses, cuddles, and declarations of “intense feelings”.

Suddenly, I find myself 48 hours into this; dizzy and out of breath.  It’s too early to tell you much, but in the spirit of Stratejoy and sharing my story with you all–

I am going to tell you that I am smitten.  Hardcore smitten.

I used to think that falling for someone required an abandonment of self to make the jump.  I’ve been known to jump too soon into things, recklessly leaping without making sure the other person is with me.  The result is times when I am IN IT,  looking up at the person I just jumped for, as they fumble around at the top refusing to jump for me.  Not ideal.

This feels entirely different.  This weekend is teaching me what bold is supposed to feel like in the beginning of a relationship that  has the potential to be life changing.  Bold doesn’t mean reckless.  Instead, I’m figuring out that boldness is taking intentional steps toward something that is simultaneously exhilarating and frightening.

I am fighting the urge to spend every minute of my day with him AND fighting the urge to run hard and fast in the other direction.  I am NOT running though.  Boldness is letting someone new enter your world, but slowly and thoughtfully.  Letting them in when it’s right not because I am forcing intimacy.

Everyone carries stories and baggage with them and feeling like I want him to know all of it, when the time is right, FEELS braver than I’ve ever felt.

So, that’s where I am.  Smitten, unable to think of anything else.  Baby-stepping into something feels HUGE and SCARY but also ELECTRIC and EASY. Things can change in an instant.  Wow.

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Okay, so maybe I belive in Manifestation and the Law of Attraction…

posted 23rd February 2011    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Inspiration, Molly, Spirituality, Travel/Adventure

I’ve never been a big believer in manifestation and the Law of Attraction…  The Secret?  Read it.  Watched the movie.  Still couldn’t get on board.   I mean, in general, I believe in things like affirmations, and the power of optimism, and a little bit of neuro-linguistic programming…

But manifesting a material desire? Putting a picuture of the man/job/home/car/body of my dreams on a vision board and having it simply appear my life?  It’s a bit high on the woo woo scale for me.

I mean, it was.  Until Sunday.

The Big Man and I were driving on Highway One between San Luis Obispo and Santa Cruz.  It was gorgeous and sunny and I was completely present.  And happy!  I did not, however, realize there is literally nothing on that road besides breathtaking views.

By 3 pm, I was starving.

And we all know I get really cranky when I’m hungry…

We had seen signs for Big Sur.  I was imaging a little town with cafes and incense stores and plenty of lunch options.  After we passed a few hippie-esque resorts tucked in the woods- I was like, “I think this is it!  This is Big Sur! Oh no! Did we miss it all?  [wince, grimace] I neeeeeeeed fooooood!”

Luckily, the Big Man spotted some umbrellas up ahead.  Umbrellas that were protecting diners from the sun on a gorgeous cliff-side deck.  Sold!   After missing it on the first attempt to pull in the driveway, having to pull a u-turn on the highway, and then waiting for parking, we finally started climbing the stairs to lunch.

He started toward the first deck with the umbrellas.  I kept gazing up the winding stairs.

Really, I thought to myself.  Really?

“Ken.  We need to eat at the restaurant up there,” I said pointing, “I need to eat there. I swear that’s the restaurant on my vision board.”

As I came up to the entrance and the view over the Pacific Ocean, I was sure of it.  This place was located snuggly in the top right-hand corner of my vision board.  I had no idea what the name was, nor where it was located.  But we were there…

Nepenthe. In Big Sur, California.

It appeared I had manifested a vision from my board.  A vision of beauty, of good company, of sunshine and the clinking cheers of wineglasses. Without any effort or action, we had shown up at a place I had clipped out of a magazine months ago. I was stunned and a little freaked out.

It’s one thing to hear about other people experiencing the Law of Attraction.  It’s another to experience it yourself!

After a 20 minute wait to be seated, we had a lovely lunch of beets and turkey sandwiches and cold glasses of white wine.  The view was amazing.  The company, fabulous.  I couldn’t stop grinning.  This was the place…

We trekked back down to the car after I bought a talisman necklace and wind-chime in the gift shop to remind me of my new found power!  I showed the Big Man my vision board (which I had shrunk down at Kinkos and used as the cover to my 2011 Goddess Planner).   He couldn’t believe I had figured out we were at the right place, but when we looked closely, we both realized we had been seated literally “in the picture”.

There are fourish seats in the photo on my vision board. We had just ate lunch in two of them.

So, regardless of my reservations, I gotta admit.  There is something to this whole manifestation gig.

I’m learning to have some faith in things that I don’t understand…  And believe me, I totally studied the rest of that vision board!  What’s next, Universe?

I’m ready.

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