A Quarterlife Crisis Suckerpunch

posted 3rd February 2011    Written by: Bri    CATEGORY: Bri, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4, What I've Learned

INTRODUCING BRI

I used to be afraid of what people would think if they really knew how broken I have been.

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places.” -Hemingway

How do you explain to a new friend how having parents who battle addiction has shaped you?  How do you talk about the times you let your guard down and ended up heartbroken and devastated?  My Quarterlife Crisis hit hard when my live-in boyfriend of 3.5 years walked out a week before I defended my masters thesis (talk about timing, eh?).  My best laid plans for my future came tumbling down and 5 weeks later I was living on my own for the very first time, in a new place, in a new job; totally alone. The quarterlife crisis suckerpunched me. Hard.

My friends called me brave: moving to a new place and making a new life.  I didn’t feel brave. I felt like I was in survival-mode.  It took months before I let myself feel much of anything, and when I did let myself feel I was overwhelmed with the pain.  I didn’t know how to be sad. I was supposed to be “the happy one”.  I ran from the loneliness and dove into new experiences hoping to find something to numb the pain.  Eventually, I couldn’t run anymore and I had to deal with the pain.  I had to learn that to be truly happy, I had to learn to be sad as well. I had to learn to embrace the quarterlife crisis not just as a crisis, but as a way to embrace new chances.

This past year has been transformative and hard.  I focused on fixing my heart.  I learned how to be alone.  I had to learn the basics of who I was all over again.  I created community.  I began to fall in love with my life.

Here is some of what I learned:

Despite the scars of pain  I am hopelessly romantic and optimistic. (Sickeningly so.)  I am not just open to new people, loves, experiences… I am SO EXCITED for what’s to come I can hardly stand it.

I don’t have to do it alone. I went from knowing no one to having a friend-family in what seemed to be 3-seconds.  The creation of a community that I love is the source of a gratuitous amount of laughter and they are who carry me through the hardest times.  I am not only talking about my local friends, I am including my blogger friends in my community-of-love.  Friendships built over blogs, google talk, Skype, and phone calls; just as real, intentional, powerful, and important as my local community.  I am surrounded by love and friendship in a way that boggles my mind.  My community is the proof that I am doing something right.

I chose happiness. I’ve been told that my happiness is infectious and I can find beauty everywhere.  I think that every single hard day makes these two qualities more beautiful; my happiness is not naive.. My happiness is my truth. I know the world is full of more happiness, love, and beauty than you can even imagine.

So, what’s next?  I can feel that big things are coming; huge, momentous things.

This is the year I am going to decide what I want to be defined by. I know I am not defined by my quarterlife crisis.  I know what I am not defined by: heartbreak, parents with addictions, or that really awful outfit I wore the first day of school years ago.

This is the year for really figuring out what I want and need and then GOING AND GETTING IT.  No more waiting.  This is the year I take ownership of my life and make it spectacular.

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Comments (56)

56 Responses to “A Quarterlife Crisis Suckerpunch”

  • Lauriane Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:10 am

    Jeesh Bri, you seem like my new most inspirational person!! Life seems to have been tough on you, but it's so awesome that you keep your head up and choose happiness… keep this up girl, you rock :)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Can't wait for our wine date, girl. You are incredible.

  • Renee Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:20 am

    I seriously cannot wait to follow your journey!!

  • Ashley Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:21 am

    Love this post and you and our syrupy community of love.

  • Kahea Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:22 am

    I think one of the best qualities someone can have is the ability to accept the things they've been through — even the pain — and then go out and still live their life to the fullest. I'm not gonna lie, I'm totally inspired! So excited to hear more about all the wonderful, big, beautiful things that are undoubtedly coming your way!

  • Vikki Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:26 am

    You are incredible! I know we don't talk often but I want you to know I'm always here if you need me. Life has been a mixture of blessings and sadness and through all of that you are still my sister and I love you.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:33 am

    Aww, thank you!!!! I think that life is tough on EVERYBODY. We all have a story we didn't really have a choice in. We do have the choice in how we respond to the hard stuff though. That's what I am trying for.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:34 am

    Yes. Wine. You and me in Georgia in June. There's a country song about the Georgia Clay… and every time I hear it I fast forward to June. LOVE.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Thanks Renee! I am so excited.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Tons of syrup. Buckets.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:36 am

    I am SO EXCITED for the big beautiful things. This next six months is SURE to be a whirlwind.. glad you'll be along for the ride!!

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:38 am

    And now I'm crying. I love you too Big Sister. ALWAYS.

  • sonsryan Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Go Bri!! I appreciate your solid choice of the word, eh. Must be the maple syrup in you. Looking forward to weekly doses of Bri!! :) xo

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Lovely to meet you too! ;) And thanks! They'll be a ton more, messy, beautiful, and life-changing I hope.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:43 am

    I'm totes half-Canadian Sons. You should see me figure skate.. my double-axle is KILLER. (Total lie, I barely make it around the rink without falling on my bum)

  • Big L Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Wow, those are awful things to deal with, but it's so great the way you've been handling it. You deserve to love your life, every bit of it, so I'm excited to watch you continue to go for it!

  • sonsryan Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Don't worry, I'm an embarrassment too the citizenship. I can't skate worth shit :)

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 10:08 am

    I'm excited we get to do it TOGETHER. :)

  • Kate Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 10:30 am

    5 years ago, I made the decision to move to Philly from Pittsburgh to make a new life and start with a clean slate. Friends said I ran away from my dark and damaged past, instead of facing things head-on. Perhaps I did run away, but I don't regret that decision because I've done so much better for myself here in Philly, than I ever could have in Pittsburgh.

    I won't give too much away, since you'll read about it over the next 3 posts – but just wanted to let you know that you and I are similar in our stories. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did and that's something you should be incredibly proud of.

    I'm already in love with your story and it's only week 1! So glad we get to share this together! XOXO

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 10:54 am

    I can't WAIT to read your story :)

  • Carly Mc Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 10:59 am

    I really loved this emotionally raw post. I'm cheering for you as you suckerpunch your QLC right back! You're so optimistic about the future. And you're right – I'm confident big, momentous things are on their way!

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Thank you! I am definitely optimistic and definitely still have some raw moments (See Week 3's post when it comes! OY!).

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Ah! Thanks! I like the pressure of being a little extra kick ass :)

  • streetlightpeople12 Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    'my happiness is not naive': that really struck me. Sometimes it seems like those of us with happy, upbeat attitudes are written off as having easy, carefree lives. Not true; no life is easy. Choosing happiness and choosing to see beauty is such a wonderful, amazing quality, and I can't wait to follow your story!!

  • Dee Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    amazing. now we should be best friends.

  • Lindsay Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    What a story… you are a strong and inspiring woman!

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Thank you! I am seriously honored to get to share my journey here. I am glad you'll be a part of it :)

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Done and done.

  • Jenny Blake Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Absolutely love this post, Bri! I'm with you on the immense gratitude for blogger friends — you included! I know our coffee date and Cha Cha Cha dinner chats are just the beginning — can't wait to keep following your writing on Stratejoy and to keep taking over the world, one coffee shop at a time :D

  • Natalie Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    I'm so excited to follow your growth happiness and love are two things totally worth workig and searching for. Can't wait to follow your search :-)

  • Doniree Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    "Eventually, I couldn’t run anymore and I had to deal with the pain."

    Oh, that part SUCKS doesn't it? Bri, I think you're a beautiful person and I can't wait to read more of your posts, follow you on this journey, and plan outrageous fun this spring with you. You're STUNNING.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    Ah thank you! Sometimes I don't FEEL very strong and (a secret) sometimes I write things that I need to hear to change my self-talk into something I can be proud of.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Yes!!! I mean, a non-talking work coffee date was SUCH the best way to launch this friendship. When can we coffee again? I'm SURE you have things you need to be workin' on. :)

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Thank you Natalie! I am excited TO SHARE IT ALL.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    No YOU'RE stunning. Can't wait for the next six months and ALL THE HELP I get from people like you. I'd be lost.

  • Jessica Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Bri, you look so beautiful eating that mandarin orange. I'm beaming to call you friend.
    Exceptional post. And to think I get to read more EVERY thursday!

  • asummermoon Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    I applaud your courage Bri, even if you didn't feel like it was true courage, trust me your survival mode could have taken you down some dark alleys and deep regrets but instead you made some moves that led you to a happy place. Looking foward to more of your story.

  • Danielle Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    I love that you're not allowing anyone else to define what "happiness" looks like for you! Your ability to find happiness everywhere just proves that it really does come from within! I love your INSIDES, Bri, your guts are precious. Oh, and you're gorgeous on the outside, too. ;) Also, Hemingway ftw! I'll see you next Thursday!

  • Jenny Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 6:35 am

    It felt like I was reading something ripped from the pages of my life. It's hard to find people to relate to, but I'm so happy to have found you! I can not wait to see what unfolds for you. Just like I can't wait to see what unfolds for me :)

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Definitely a macaroon and not an orange. But I love you.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 9:20 am

    Thank you!!! I am really looking forward to writing my story here.. I am 100% certain that my life is going to change because of it :)

  • Lindsey Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 9:36 am

    You know what I love? I love that you "chose" happiness. I love that you see infinite love and beauty in the world. Because that, sister, is the truth, and the lovely optimistic amazingness that makes my world go 'round. Welcome!

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 11:15 am

    I love that you just told me my guts are precious. YOU ARE THE BEST Danielle.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Oh GOOD. We can relate to each other. Everything is better in community any how :)

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Thank you so much Lindsay!!

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    I too have a family that has battled (and other that don't face) addiction issues. It took me years to learn that my family didn't define me. I love that you are falling in love with your life. I wish I could give you a big giant hug and toast to all the big things coming for both of us. Keep on rockin', I can't wait to find out more.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 5th, 2011 at 9:54 am

    It took me some time in counseling to learn that my family didn't define me :) A BIG lesson. Glad you're here to share the journey with.

  • livesalready Says:
    February 5th, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    I have no idea what this site is all about, but this post is any indication–then I like it. Inspiring story Bri. Thanks for sharing.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 5th, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    It is seriously a pleasure to share my story here. Love everything about this community. Glad you're here.

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    I'm with you gals, love me some optimism! XO

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    Choosing happiness and beauty in this cynical world can be hard. Agreed. Let's stand together in this, eh, lovelies?! We choose to be upbeat and trust that we're doing what we can to make this round of life as amazing and meaningful as possible. XO

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    UNFOLDING for the win! Love this Jenny.

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    Delicious writing. I can't wait to see what else you bring, sugar. Loving your fire.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:15 am

    Oh, delicious might be the best compliment EVER on my writing!!!!!! Thanks Lady!

  • suki Says:
    July 27th, 2011 at 10:51 am

    helllo, have you reread your first post? :D soooo much has changed. and i think you reached your goal. you've figured out what defines you!

  • Reclaiming A Life: Bold And Fearless | Stratejoy | Conquer Your Quarterlife Crisis through Fresh Strategies for Real Joy Says:
    July 28th, 2011 at 6:55 am

    [...] be defined by.  I had spent so much time being defined by things I didn’t have a choice in, the heartbreak, the parents with addictions, the family illnesses.  I wanted to chose what would define [...]

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