Impending Mamahood

posted 8th February 2011    Written by: Amanda    CATEGORY: Amanda, Family, Job/Career/Work, Love/Relationships

A year ago, I would’ve choked at the thought of having a baby before buying a house, establishing a brick and mortar hideaway for my web design biz, and getting a bit more travel under my belt. A year ago, I was struggling to make a living.

Given, I was a very, very different person even a year ago. My priorities were ego-centric, driven by ambition and a need to positively contribute to the life I was creating with The Husband (otherwise known as Tall Blonde Guy and, y’know, Mike).

A number of years ago, the thought of having children terrified me. Paralyzed me. It made having any sort of normal sex life virtually impossible. An allergy to latex coupled with an aversion to birth control pills? Fuhgeddaboudit, sexy-time. This just got far more complicated than it needed to be. Sadly, it stayed madly complicated far longer than it should have.

All the while I was wrapped up in my own hangups, Mike had always wanted to be a dad.

It was one of those things that he knew. Both of his sisters had children by the time we were married in 2008. And as the eldest of four, it was a source of frustration for him. The wedding cupcakes were barely in the fridge before we talked about babies. It became a conversation that extended to include various people with the same sentiment of “When are you two going to have babies?”

It became an expectation that hung like a precarious dagger over my head.

Still, I’d always planned on being a mama.

Y’know, at some point.

Forty-eight hours into my twenty-fourth year brought a game-changing epiphany to my original state-of-mind (and the terror that clasped its nasty little claws around my libido). What if, just for this once, I made peace with the idea of having kids before everything was perfect? What if I allowed myself to be a little scared without letting it take control? What if I do what my tattoo says and Just Breathe? Because, just as with creative pursuits, baby-having is never something that’s convenient.

And so, I did. I relaxed. I enjoyed myself. I loved without reserve. It was a Big Moment before the Little Stick.

Living a life of convenience is ultimately conforming to the rules of the reality that the masses buy into. There’s nothing personal, joyful, or authentic to living life by everyone else’s rules. It’s certainly not the kind of lifestyle that I’d like to share with Mystery Baby when s/he arrives in June. I want our little family (and my little biznez) to evolve from a place of honesty and happiness. And while grappling with my own impending mamahood, there’s the question of, “How the in the hell can I make the rest of my life work?” Seeing as I’ve been in the throws of my Quarter-Life Crisis for the better part of four years, I not only have to find a way to define what that looks like but I have to wrangle it to fit.

The only way I can possibly accomplish all of this madness is to create some accountability between me, you, and something resembling a handful of goals.

I, Amanda, hereby resolve myself to:

  1. Immerse myself in Nesting without succumbing to outside expectations of what a nursery and/or home should be. I plan on doing this by indulging in literature on creating a happy, healthy nursery while breaking all the rules of genderization.
  2. Get my biz to a place where I can hand over the keys to the kingdom to a team for a few months while I adjust to being a new mama. How? Affluence and influence, baby.
  3. Give myself permission to fail. Often. Ain’t no shame in falling as long as there’s a getting up.

over the next six months.

Lock ‘n load, lovelies. This is gonna be a bumpy ride. But hey, that’s why we’re all here.

[Note from Coach Molly: And I, Molly, hereby resolve myself to supporting you, Amanda, with your sweet handful of goals as your prepare for life and business with a new tiny person.  Through failure and success, through learning and casting aside genderization, through being YOU and rediscovering what that may mean in this new life step. Sounds like we're taking vows....  OX]

Image by wilderdom.

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Comments (19)

19 Responses to “Impending Mamahood”

  • Jenn Donogh Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Loving the posts this season so far Molly- yay Stratejoy! PS- Amanda, new mom + business is not as hard as it seems (with patience, self-discipline, and a good baby swing).

  • Thekla Richter Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 9:48 am

    Good for you! I was doing some journalling exercises and one was "What would you do if you won the lottery?" My immediate uncensored thought was, "Have kids" which I'd thought was something I didn't want. Turned out that having kids was entangled in my head with a lack of financial security and abundance, holdover thinking from a childhood with some major ups and downs financially. But, 1) I'm not my parents and 2) There is no such thing as absolute security – financial or otherwise. What would "enough" money actually look like to be safe? There was no number. Granted, I wanted to be together and responsible and smart about my timing, and I was– I'm very sensible and definitely a planner – but I still had to let go of that irrational fear and replace it with a willingness to jump in. Because as you point out, there's never going to be a perfect time. At some point you have to decide on good enough and have some faith.

    Congratulations and I hope you enjoy all the nesting– not to mention your special times with the small one when s/he arrives :)

  • ClareLouise Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 10:03 am

    So glad I just read this :) Thanks! I just got married myself in October of last year, and have already had several people ask me and hubbie that daunting question. I had always thought to put it off, get stable financially, travel more, figure shit out, etc, until recently, when I was like, what if??? So we're letting what happens happen, and no matter what, I'm excited and much more at peace with it all than I was before. (p.s. I also hate outside expectations of what it takes – especially materially – to raise a baby.)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:28 am

    So, so exciting!! I'm still in that stage of not knowing if I want kids or not… but hubs would make an awesome dad so I sort of WANT to want them, if that makes any sense at all.

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:35 am

    And really, the only thing you need (outside of the basics) is love, baby.

  • Alisha Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    So wise of you to surrender. I had my first, second and will soon have my 3rd under my less-than-perfect and less-than-deal circumstances. But you get through it, and everything will be great, and your kid will light you up and you'll wonder why you ever worried in the first place.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    Love the goals. Love that we get to be here with you until that baby comes! P.S. Tell him/her that June 7th is a really great day to be born. Gemini's are notoriously awesome.

  • Big L Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    I love the goals, too, and this post. It's so honest! I love that you're not in a mommy-to-be happy place acting like you've always been there. I don't know how the heck I would handle being where you are right now..of if I even could! I really admire your bravery and attitude towards the whole thing!

  • Big L Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    LOVE this

  • Kate Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 7:30 am

    I'm so incredibly excited for you!!! And I know you're going to make a rockin' momma! :)

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 8:43 am

    Dig this, sugar. Thanks for the wisdom.

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 8:50 am

    I totally understand. I was there, honey. And now I'm here. It's freaking MAGIC. Or sorcery. Or something.

  • Kat Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 8:51 am

    I'm loving it! I totally relate to you this season Amanda and what you're going through. Can't wait to see what's in store for you.

    And: "This is gonna be a bumpy ride". 'Bump' y ride? No pun intended there? :)

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 8:52 am

    Exactly. "There is no number." There's never a good time for things like this; especially things that involve this amount of risk and unknown. Best to think, plunge, and never look back. Forward motion, baby.

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 8:53 am

    Haha. I'll let him know! <3

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 8:53 am

    Thanks love! <3

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Oh HELL no. I'm so scared out of my mind about this Impending Mamahood that I often contemplate hiding under my bed. I mean, yes, I'm excited but it's this little person, you know? This little person that I haven't even met.

    I mean, what if he doesn't like me?

    I think about these things.

  • Natalie Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 11:51 am

    I love that you are making your own rules so many people listen to what others say and have done with their baby experience. As a former mother and baby care nurse I can tell you your experience will be all your own and like no one else's and you should enjoy it your way, laugh, scream out whatever it's your time enjoy it!

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Listen to Alisha, she is one smart chick. :) I think I would have be totally freaked out I found out I was expecting today, but more so because girl + girl does not equal baby. I applaud you loud and clear for bucking tradition and realizing that the best way for your baby to happy and healthy is to raise your baby in the best way you know how, not how everyone else says it should be done. I can't wait to find out more.

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