Mind and Body: Moving Toward A More Perfect Union

posted 13th February 2011    Written by: Juliana    CATEGORY: All Posts, Juliana, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4

I believe firmly in a mind-body connection.  It’s that belief that has me giggling to myself, even as I’m bundled up and clutching a box of tissues for dear life. I’m currently on the fourth day of a sinus infection that has been kicking my butt ever since I got back from an amazing trip to New Mexico, and I think it’s a good sign.

For years, the only way I ever got a break was when I was sick – Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a pity party… I brought it upon myself.  I was go, go, go,  getting myself into all kinds of projects, shows, fun stuff, work, taking the phrase “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” pretty literally.  My body didn’t always want to come along for the ride, and I’d push myself until my body would push back and I’d be on my ass for a week or so.

When I did lots of theater, this showed up in the form of sciatic nerve pain that would flare up right at the end of every run.  Like clockwork, after a few months of working on a show, I’d go to the cast party, have a great time, and wake up the next day hardly able to walk (because of the back pain, not the hangover.)  I’d be forced to take the next few days very slowly in order to get back to my usual activity level.  Rather than learn from my mistakes, I just figured these episodes were like a physical “reset” button and I could continue the same way until the next time. It wasn’t a very balanced way to live.

Now that I’m a little older, I realize I’ve been unbalanced to the other extreme. I went from being extremely active to basically sedentary, from doing too much too fast to not having any energy for the things I love.  Aches and pains and feelings of “sickness” that weren’t a specific illness became the norm rather than something that happened every few months. I’d have random days where I had a fever and just didn’t want to get out of bed, but no other identifiable symptoms. I just felt gross, depressed, needed a day to lay around in bed.  After that I was typically fine for another couple of weeks, though I became increasingly unhappy with my weight and energy level.

Just like in my days of doing too much and working too hard, I have been ignoring the mental and spiritual signs of my unhappiness and lack of balance.  I’ve been rationalizing it, listening to family and friends when they talked about how lucky I was to have such a great job “in this recession”.  Fear became a larger motivator than pursuing happiness, so I pushed away thoughts about what I really wanted to be doing, until they had to show up in my life another way. I finally realized that my Quarterlife Crisis was taking physical form in order to get my attention.

My goals for the next six months are to:

Things really clicked for me recently when I decided that I would no longer tolerate tired and achy as my “normal”.  This doesn’t mean I’m going to crash diet or go on some crazy binge workout regimen…those things are just as bad as sitting on my butt for 12 hours and eating comfort foods, and will ultimately lead me to the same unhappiness.  I want to move more, and to eat foods that nourish me and make me feel good physically, not just emotionally.

As a musician, my physical health is doubly important to me.  Not only do I need the energy to put on good shows, but I need the resilience to travel, haul gear, and still feel up to singing.  Plus, my most critical instrument – my voice – is actually a part of my physical body, so it would probably be helpful to take care of that physical body.   This all seems like common sense, but I hadn’t connected the dots, not on a deep level, until a couple of weeks ago.

I went to Taos, New Mexico. I was participating as a musical guest in a creative women’s retreat at a gorgeous historic home that’s been a haven for artists for over a hundred years.

The energy of the place woke something up inside me. There was snow on the ground, the sun was out, and it was cold but not freezing.  I woke up very early each morning and took a walk around the property.  Then, before breakfast, I made sure to wash my face, put on moisturizer & makeup and choose some fun earrings to wear.

If this sounds like normal behavior to you, know that I haven’t regularly worn makeup or earrings in several years. I was making a tiny commitment to accept my body as it is right now.  I’d been comfortable dressing like a schlub and not making myself look good because I didn’t feel like I deserved to look good, or that I could, at my weight.  Once I made that teensy mental shift and allowed myself to feel deserving of some cute jewelry and lipstick, my entire being shifted.  Suddenly, I had the energy to dance and do yoga and go on long walks.  I had energy to laugh and bond with new friends and perform at night.  I stayed up late and woke up early. 

I actually felt beautiful for the first time in a long time.

So now, back home in Atlanta, I’m at the tail end of a post-travel illness, but this time it doesn’t feel like my body is telling me to slow down.  It feels like I’m letting go of old mindsets and learning how to take care of myself again.  It feels like I’m slowing down so I can reflect and then zoom forward. And I’m leaving behind all the terrible things I’ve told myself about myself, like so many gross used tissues, in favor of some tiny shifts that add up to a more balanced mind-body connection.

[Note from Coach Molly: Juliana, I love the honesty here.  And I really, really love the realization that through acceptance ("I was making a tiny commitment to accept my body as it is right now") comes growthOnce I made that teensy mental shift... my entire being shifted.")   It's such a hard concept to really understand- you mean by loving myself as is, I'm allowing room for positive discoveries and possibly change?  YES.   By loving as is, you allow for growth.  For anyone who wants to make a big change, start by loving the yourself now.  As is.  Right, J?]

[photo credit: Pickersgill Reef]

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Comments (14)

14 Responses to “Mind and Body: Moving Toward A More Perfect Union”

  • Katie Says:
    February 13th, 2011 at 10:15 am

    I love this post! And can definitely relate to the mind-body connection. Without fail, I always have gotten ridiculously sick after finals, at the end of a big project, or the minute I step foot in the airport for vacation. I also battle with the "I'll dress like a schlump because my body doesn't look good anyway" feeling, and it's a good reminder that if I put a little faith in my beauty/body, I feel 10x better.

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    February 13th, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    I love this too! I sometimes need a reminder that just because I work from home, does not mean I have live in my pajamas. Currently, I am growing out my short pixie cut to have an opportunity at a pretty, sassy bob. I have been so focuses lately on finding the balance between work and passion…I sometimes forget that I need to find the balance between mind and body. Thanks for the reminder!

  • Big L Says:
    February 13th, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    I can really appreciate this post, in a big, big way. How I physically feel is such a HUGE part of my mental and emotional state, for better or for worse. I let a lot of things slip over the last couple years as well and have been working hard to get back to my fit and energetic self, but without over doing it or creating too much pressure. Definitely a tough balance to try to strike! I look forward to hearing more from you about this!

  • Kate Says:
    February 14th, 2011 at 7:47 am

    I love your goal to practice radical self-love. It's something I really hope to work on when I'm in Prague on my own.

  • Alisha Says:
    February 14th, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Great goals. And yes, amazing what a little bit of makeup and jewelry can do for your mood. I learned from my freshman year roommate that getting yourself completely dressed everyday made it easier for you to handle–and want to handle–whatever came your way that day. You feel together and more sharp. The days I put on jeans and some lipgloss are infinitely more productive than when I sit in my pjs. Keep doing the radical sel-love thing. I too found out it's soooo important.

  • amysjoy Says:
    February 15th, 2011 at 8:21 am

    Oh, God, I totally feel you on the "having a job in this recession" thing. I'm FINALLY in a place where I feel like I can let go of that safety net and start doing something else that I enjoy more.

  • Natalie Says:
    February 15th, 2011 at 11:07 am

    Great post it’s hard for anyone to admit that they have “let themselves go” I think all of us have at one point or another and admitting it it seems is the first step to reversing it. I admit I have also strews to take a hard look at myself, decided to buck up and make the change i need to feel beautiful again. Thanks for the inspiring post

  • Juliana Says:
    February 21st, 2011 at 10:03 am

    I'm glad I'm not the only one with the post-event illness thing going on! It's a weird phenomenon but it makes total sense to me now.

  • Juliana Says:
    February 21st, 2011 at 10:04 am

    You're welcome! We will find it together. :)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 21st, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Thanks! I'm looking forward to figuring it out.. but I do feel like I'm headed in the right direction now.

  • Juliana Says:
    February 21st, 2011 at 10:04 am

    I hope so, too! I can't wait to read about it. :)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 21st, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Thanks, Alisha! Yeah, I was always sort of a tomboy so putting on earrings every day is NOT something I ever thought I'd do, but it's amazing how such a little thing shifts my mood.

  • Juliana Says:
    February 21st, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Hooray!! I hope it works out well for both of us. :)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 21st, 2011 at 10:06 am

    You're welcome!! And thanks for reading.

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