My QLC: Learning to Make, Create, and Explore

posted 2nd February 2011    Written by: Laura    CATEGORY: Laura, Season 4, What I've Learned

INTRODUCING LAURA:

The last six months have been hugely life altering and I expect the next six to be the same.

I was born with a need to make, create and explore. Unfortunately for me, I was also born with a fierce sense of independence. I’ve been demanding to do things on my own, and throwing temper tantrums when I can’t, since I was a baby. Need no one, that was my motto, if only subconsciously.

These two conditions – and probably many others – combined to create one heck of a quarter life pickle. Somehow, en route to becoming a young woman, I interpreted them to mean that I always had to strive, achieve and produce.

I went from dabbling in swimming and gymnastics for fun, to becoming a swimming instructor because that was the highest level I could achieve, aside from competing, which I was never big on. I went from feeling my absolute best when being creative, to measuring my value in numbers – marks earned, scores received, dollars paid.

I got good grades in high school, followed by even better grades in university. I got an impressive entry level job within days of finishing my degree, then a series of promotions that led to even more impressive responsibilities, outputs and pay cheques. Strive, achieve, produce.

I led teams, I blazed a trail. I gave love and attention to my family and friends, but mostly because I scheduled it in. I counted miles ran and pounds lifted. I kept my apartment “just so”, ignoring that another person actually lived there, too. I ran the show. All day, all the time. I needed no one.

Until, at age 26, I realized I was really fucking tired.

At first, I chalked it up to my demanding job. I was done with the hours, the pressure, and the intense and unforgiving environment. I thought eliminating those things would be the solution to everything.

So in early 2010, a month before my 27th birthday, I wrapped a mammoth project and then walked away from it all - the predictability, the salary, the pension, the expectations, the title, and the eventuality of getting the corner office.

When I made the decision to quit my job and become an independent consultant, I thought I had solved it. But as the days and months passed, something happened. I started to realize that I hadn’t solved anything. I was still living in strive, achieve, produce mode, when what I really wanted was to go back.

Go back to living in make, create and explore mode. Not for outputs, not for resume-building metrics, not for accolades; for me. Because it’s what I’m destined to be doing and it’s what makes me the happiest.

Looking back over the last 15 years, the times when I felt the most alive were the times when I was inventing the rules and – surprise, surprise – doing things my way. I love the feeling of colouring outside the lines and ignoring expectations.The problem is that somewhere along the way, I concluded that I could only do that sometimes.

But the truth is, I hate being an over achiever, rushing from one measurement to the next, conforming, losing perspective, and putting myself last. It suffocates me and I hate it.

If exploring, expressing and creating with no inhibitions is what I love to do, well then that’s how I want to live my life. That realization – the little nugget right there – recently washed over me like a big, breathtaking wave.

It’s now one month before my 28th birthday and I’m trying to figure out what the hell that really means. I wouldn’t call it a quarter life crisis. I’d call it a quarter life discovery. Because even though it’s scary and unfamiliar right now, I know I’m going to love what I find on the other side!

So as 2011 gets underway, so does the real challenge. I have the acknowledgment, realization and readiness I need to get started. Forming new habits, creating self acceptance, challenging assumptions, and creating an authentic life – an authentic every day – those are the next steps.

It’ll be a long road, but it’s paved most of the way now, rather than buried under three feet of snow.

The last six months have been hugely life altering and I expect the next six to be the same. Because the thing is, I’m an ideas person, a solutions person, a glass half full person. I see possible opportunities where others see plausible challenges.

It’s a rare day that I feel completely and utterly stuck. I want to navigate through the stuck, trust myself and others, and laugh along the way. I don’t want to leave, run and find a way to overhaul everything. Instead, I want to stay, explore and find a way to love everything!

And at this moment, I feel like a teenage girl at a sleepover because I can’t wait to wait to tell you all about it!

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Comments (32)

32 Responses to “My QLC: Learning to Make, Create, and Explore”

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 10:06 am

    YES. This was delicious, Laura. I can't wait to partake in this journey with you, you sassy trail-blazer you.

  • KristaVDB Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 10:16 am

    I'm cheering from the yahoo section. I adore you and want to come to your sleep over.

  • Big L Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 11:54 am

    Excellent! I've got the chips! ;)

  • Big L Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 11:55 am

    Thanks :) It was an honour to follow your intro!

  • Big L Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 11:56 am

    I adore YOU and obvi, you can always come to the sleepover! I love that you're cheering me on here, too. You make one hell of a cheering section! xo

  • Kate Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    It takes heaps amount of courage to quit your job and follow your passions. I'm so excited about what develops for you over these next 6 months, and I'm so glad we [all] get to do this together!

    Mad love to you, girl! :)

  • Natasha Hollerup Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    Welcome to the QLC club, Big L. I gotta admit, you are a gutsy girl.

  • Big L Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Thanks Kate! I'm excited too and love that we're in it together!

  • Big L Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Thanks Natasha, glad to be here :)

  • Habbala Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    Wow, I can't wait to see where the next six months take you. It is seriously bad ass to do what you did.

    For our Season 4 sleepover, I'm bringing champagne to go with Juliana's chocolate (sparkling cider for Amanda) :)

  • Natalie Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    I'm so excited to see where you'll go next! I have found your journey inspiring and exciting already can't wait for the next chapter :-)

  • Hannah Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    All of this sounds awfully familiar. Thanks for sharing. I am not alone! :) Make, create, explore! (I will too :) )

  • Carly Mc Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    Wow! What a go-getter! You have a unique view on the QLC and I can't wait to trek through it along with you and the rest of the Season 4 gals. :)

  • Kahea Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    "I wouldn’t call it a quarter life crisis. I’d call it a quarter life discovery." I absolutely love that, and cannot wait to read more about how all these discoveries plays out for you!

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 2nd, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Yay!

  • Big L Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 6:46 am

    I LOVE champagne, like, LOVE! And I like being thought of as bad ass, thank you ;)

  • Big L Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Thanks Natalie! I can hardly wait myself!

  • Big L Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Ah ha! A kindred spirit? Stick around Hannah, I would love to have you along for the ride!

  • Wee C Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 6:48 am

    Not that you don't already know this, but I couldn't be any more proud of you. And I'm so proud to call you my business partner, my BFF and my all-around partner in all-things-fabulous. I love and adore you, Miss Big L and can't wait for the rest of the world to benefit from everything you give to me. You are the rarest of rare gems. xoxo

  • Big L Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 6:48 am

    Thanks Carly! I do believe I have a unique view, or at least, one that the tribe will appreciate and find some similarities, comfort or inspiration in. That's my hope!

  • Big L Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 6:49 am

    I look forward to sharing them with you :)

  • Big L Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Geez, Wee C, nothing like a public outpouring of affection to make a girl's day :) Although unnecessary, I'll take it and simply say THANK YOU!!! xxoo

  • asummermoon Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    A communications consultant, yes thats sounds like fun, good luck on your journey. I'll be sure to check on your progress as a source of inspiration.

  • Lindsey Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 9:38 am

    So excited to read your posts these next 6 months. I loved your guest post a few weeks back and am looking forward to reading about your entrepreneurial journey. My road is still covered in at least 2 feet of snow, but I'm stoked to hear that it gets paved up ahead ;)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Ok so now this is sounding like a thing that actually needs to happen. We should meet up somewhere for a weekend!

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    Rock on! I can't wait to find out more. I too am leaving behind the world of a known life for an unknown one and a new path, paved on my own terms. I can't wait to see where these new paths take us.

  • Big L Says:
    February 6th, 2011 at 7:41 am

    Thanks! I hope you do stay tuned, I'd love to hear from you again :)

  • Big L Says:
    February 6th, 2011 at 7:43 am

    Thanks Lindsey, I'm so thrilled you'll be reading along. I really admired your gutsy moves over the last 6 months and it's interesting the different angles we're coming from. The road definitely gets paved, just be patient and enjoy wearing snowshoes in the meantime ;)

  • Big L Says:
    February 6th, 2011 at 7:44 am

    Ooooh, exciting! I'd love to hear more about your new unknowns. I can't wait to see what happens either!

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    Blogger Retreat in the Fall- plans are already in the works ladies…. Stay tuned. All Seasons invited!! XOXO

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    "I am not alone!" This is like the entire goal of Stratejoy. Yay Laura and Hannah! XO

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Erin- You're going to love Big L!! Seriously. She's been in a group of mine and is now in "Level 2"… And she totally kicks ass. Like you do! XOXO

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