Ten Years Later – From High-School To Right Now

posted 25th February 2011    Written by: Katharine    CATEGORY: All Posts, Events, Katharine, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4

June 4, 2001 – High School graduation day.

I was wearing a white dress, a white cap and gown, and walking down a cement hill leading onto the track on a rainy evening with 300 of my classmates.  We walked out to a song that wasn’t Pomp and Circumstance (because my school couldn’t get it right), holding index cards with our name written out phonetically on it so the Principal would announce it correctly as we walked across the stage.

It was a day I had been waiting for since my Freshman year, because to me, graduating from High School meant officially entering Adulthood – moving out of my mother’s house and living on campus, meeting new friends, joining sororities and student organizations, scheduling my own classes, going to parties, not having a curfew, and living the independent lifestyle I had been craving since I walked into high-school.

And then it happened.

Fast Forward: Late January, 2011.

I logged into Facebook and saw an invitation to my 10 Year High School reunion.

< insert emotional breakdown here >

“Holy shit,” I thought to myself,“Where the hell did those ten years go?  And how do I get them back?!”

After graduation I had a plan: graduate from college, graduate from law school, work for the Federal Government, travel the world, and get married by the age of 30.

Clearly that was my imaginary plan, because my actual plan consisted of: graduating from college, losing my mother, moving to Philadelphia and drinking my body weight in vodka, sabotaging friendships, getting my heart broken, spiraling into depression three times, and getting bitch-slapped with a Quarterlife Crisis.

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future.  Planning for it.  Trying to predict it.  As if figuring it out will cushion the blow.  But the future is always changing.  The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes.  But one thing is certain -  when it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it. At least it wasn’t for me.

I thought by now I would have my shit together.  Ten years is plenty of time to get through law school and become a Special Agent for the F.B.I., or finish culinary school and open up my own restaurant.  Yet here I am at 27, single, childless, unemployed and freaking out because my classmates have gotten married, had babies, traveled, and lived these rock-star lives and I feel like I’ve failed miserably.

I’m not saying I need a relationship or a child or a fancy-schmancy ‘Corporate Executive’ title to validate my accomplishments since high school, but I just want to feel like I’ve done something with my life these last ten years that doesn’t involve empty bottles of alcohol, depression, and broken hearts.

Why are we so quick to notice our failures instead of our achievements?

“Look, I did what I was supposed to do – graduated, got a job, and married before I was 30, and now look at me.  Look how well that turned out.  Would you really be happier if you lived the life you planned, rather than the life you’re living now?”

My friend, a successful business man in his late thirties with an MBA, who is currently going through a divorce.  After having a conversation about high school reunions, I got to thinking:

Why do we insist on growing up so quickly and having our lives all figured out by the time we’re 30?  And for those of us who don’t have it figured out right now, why do we feel like we’ve failed?

Truth is, I don’t think I would be happier had my life gone according to plan.  I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and I know there’s a reason why I lost my parents and battled cancer at such a young age.  I also believe that this Quarterlife Crisis hit at a time when I really needed to figure myself out.  Even if I don’t have all of the answers yet, perhaps I’m one step closer to finding them.

I can’t help but wonder – of my high school classmates who are married, have children, and have fancy schmancy jobs, how many of them are authentically happy?

Maybe I’ll find out at my reunion.



{photo credit: Bredgur}

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Comments (9)

9 Responses to “Ten Years Later – From High-School To Right Now”

  • Lindsey Says:
    February 25th, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Who would imagine all the negativity that being 20-smething and confused could bring? Stay positive, girl, because despite all the external factors I can't help but feel that so many 20-somethings are feeling the gap between their expectations and their reality. I know I'm there…

  • Kim Says:
    February 25th, 2011 at 10:21 am

    There is SO much life after high school it's not even funny – and none of us have any idea at the time. For that reason I would never want to go back to being 18 – I seriously didn't know ANYTHING about life and I'm pretty sure I thought I knew everything. I totally agree that things happen for a reason, esp bad things. I've had a lot of negative experiences since I graduated 8 years ago too, but I am grateful in a way bc those experiences have taught me so much about myself, and about life in general. I'm still learning (really it's a lifelong process I think) but I have come SO far since high school, I can't even imagine how self-aware I'll be in another 8 years. The one guarantee in life is that nothing will stay the same, and frankly I'm glad for it. Nobody learns anything from a boring, regular, well-timed life and even if you do everything right, something somewhere will go awry, it's only a matter of time. You can't run from change and road blocks in life, so why not embrace them?!

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    February 25th, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    I can totally relate. I graduated in 2001 myself, and I was sitting here the other day wondering where all that time went for myself. But, then I realized I didn't want to go back. I am slowly falling in love with myself. Sometimes, I just wonder why it took 10 years to wake up.

  • Nadine Says:
    February 27th, 2011 at 6:32 am

    Everything happens for a reason- yes. I've gone around saying that for years, but it's like I'm just now finally getting it and actually accepting it. I'm 30, and believe me, I didn't have much to "report" at my 10 year high school reunion. Not the things I wanted to report, anyway. But I'm realizing that this is where I need to be: I have to go through confusion and questioning and rocky times in order to get where I need to be. Sometimes I wish it were easier, but if I "had it all" by 25 or 28, then I wouldn't be me. And I like me.

    I've really enjoyed reading your posts- good luck with all of your new life adventures!!

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 27th, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Oh hell yes. This resonates. We all figure that we've got ten years to get our shit together before the infamous "reunion". Marriage, careers, kick-ass salaries, travel memories, and "omghahaIRBETTERTHANYOUUU". I knew girls in high school that were planning for the reunion before we'd even accepted our diplomas.

    Whoa ladies. Chill.

    I say, celebrate on! You're in the midst of ass-whooping your QLC. Sugar, have a cookie. And a drink (and one for me too).

  • Katie [blogs] Says:
    February 28th, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    I bet none of your classmates have been through what you have AND come out on top. Granted, it isn't a competition, the only competition that there really is is within ourselves. But as I see more and more people getting married and hyphening their names on Facebook, I think, "Well, that's their life calling. It's what makes them happy", and I'm still searching for what makes me happy. And so are you.

    So you rock on.

  • Kate Says:
    March 1st, 2011 at 6:21 am

    It sucks that we hold such high expectations of ourselves (and of others). We are determined to live these grand lives, and when it turns out that we haven't fulfilled our expectations (or even come close), everything seems to fall apart. Truth is, I'm finally coming around to accepting the fact that I'm not where I thought I would be in 10 years, but it still stings a little.

  • Kate Says:
    March 1st, 2011 at 6:23 am

    For me, I blame it on unexpected circumstances that occurred in the last 10 years. I certainly didn't expect to lose my mother in college, but it definitely put a huge dent into any of my hopes and dreams that I had for myself shortly after her passing.

    I definitely agree that it's important to fall in love with yourself and your life. I'm really trying to start doing that, but it's always tough to look back on the mistakes/failures that have happened to you.

    Keep loving life, lady!

  • Kate Says:
    March 1st, 2011 at 6:25 am

    Thanks, Nadine. I whole-heartedly agree that everything happens for a reason, and I believe that if it were anyone else who had to live through some of the things I've lived through, they wouldn't make it out alive.

    Honestly, I kind of feel like HS reunions now a days are somewhat overrated – especially with the Gen-Y being so connected to Facebook, Twitter, etc.

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