Why I Cried on My Honeymoon

posted 6th February 2011    Written by: Juliana    CATEGORY: All Posts, Job/Career/Work, Juliana, Quarterlife Crisis, Season 4

INTRODUCING JULIANA

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

This Anais Nin quote kept popping into my head during the week my new husband and I spent in Asheville, NC for our honeymoon trip. We had planned to spend a few days at a B&B, enjoying each other’s company, vegging out and exerting as little energy as possible.  We had just spent several months planning a wedding, and this would be the first real vacation I’d taken since starting my job about three years ago. I was absolutely, deeply ready for a break.

We chose Asheville for our honeymoon because we wouldn’t have to be tourists there.  I lived in Asheville a few years ago and knew my way around. A dear foodie friend of mine made us a list of new restaurants that had opened up since I’d last been there, so we didn’t even have to think about where to eat. Our honeymoon was going to be wonderful.

Soon, I realized that this trip was different.  Visiting the city always made me feel hopeful and renewed, because it’s a place with an inherent presence, a healing place… but this time it was also making me feel uncomfortable. Here I was, on my honeymoon, surrounded by beauty and creativity, having just spent a gorgeous October day celebrating with family, and it was all I could do to muster more than ennui.

For the last three years, I’ve worked at an office job for the first time in my life. I’m a singer/songwriter, and had been looking for something more stable when I took the job, hoping the consistent cash flow would make it easier, ultimately, for me to work on my music.  I had been…comfortable.

But sitting down for more than 10 hours a day had made me listless and tired, and I’d managed to gain an average of 20 pounds a year, even with a good diet.  I am not a person who was designed to be still. I used to sling coffee and chase babies and sing my heart out.  I used to be made of energy.

Now, in between naps in our gorgeous suite, the thought of going back to Atlanta and sitting at a desk for another year was literally making me burst into tears at random intervals. When Greg, ever perceptive, finally asked me what the heck was wrong with me, I spilled the beans.

“I can’t do it anymore. I can’t wait until I gain another 60 pounds, or have to be medicated for depression, or get ‘discovered’, or burst into flames… I need to pursue this thing.”

We had talked about my leaving my job at some point to pursue music and writing full time, but neither of us knew it would come to the tipping point so soon. I had been fine, working away at a job I enjoyed but was not my passion. I learned a lot at this company, I loved the people there, and was doing OK. I assumed I’d be fine working my creative pursuits in on evenings & weekends like most people.  But I was quickly becoming unwilling to accept mere contentment: I wanted bliss. That night, after a long talk over a fabulous meal, we decided that I would leave my office job in February of 2011.

Four months have gone by faster than I imagined. A few days ago I had to take the first really scary step, which was turning in my notice to my boss. I had concocted all sorts of nightmare scenarios in my head, including one in which I was escorted roughly from the lobby by building security, with coworkers tossing my things out of windows and shouting, “’And Stay Out!’… but thankfully, none of that came to pass.

Instead, my boss told me he was proud of me, and excited that I’d be pursuing something he thought I was really meant for. He gave me his blessing and even left the door open for me to come back if I ever needed to.  I couldn’t have scripted a more lovely way to prepare to leave this place.

Now I’m getting ready to release my third album, and hoping to do a national tour to promote it. I am dreaming big dreams, and taking bigger risks, and hoping that it pays off in the end. I don’t know what will happen, but I know, at the very least, that I will blossom.

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Comments (33)

33 Responses to “Why I Cried on My Honeymoon”

  • Hannah Says:
    February 6th, 2011 at 9:10 am

    That's exactly how I feel about my job. Thanks for sharing your story. I can't wait to hear more! And where can we hear this music of yours??? :)

  • Vanessa S Says:
    February 6th, 2011 at 10:11 am

    Hey girl! I know exactly how you felt. I moved to new york to pursue acting and got a job waitressing to pay the bills. I thought i'd be happy and content to do the waitress and audition "thing". But instead, all of my energy goes into waitressing and instead of spending my free time auditioning and taking classes I spend it recuperating and catching up on sleep. I've recently decided to pursue another passion of mine, photography, and am hoping I can use that as a source of income and creativity together! I can't wait to see how your story unfolds! I love that we are all in this together! :)

  • Lindsey Says:
    February 6th, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Ah! Feb 2011! Now! Yay! Congratulations on the big change. Risks are scary, yes, but it feels so good to know you can look back and see what strength and courage you took to move forward.

  • Alisha Says:
    February 6th, 2011 at 11:33 am

    Amazing! How fortunate for you to have such an understanding employer that's great. Good luck!!

  • Carly Mc Says:
    February 6th, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    What an amazing decision and kudos for going after EXACTLY what you want! It's so hard to do sometimes… I'm struggling with the same stay with my job/quit my job decision at the moment. Good luck on your journey and I can't wait to go through it with you. :)

  • Doniree Says:
    February 6th, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    "But I was quickly becoming unwilling to accept mere contentment: I wanted bliss." AMEN! And never settle for anything less than that – ever. Loved this intro – nice to meet you! :)

  • Kate Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 7:11 am

    It takes heaps amount of courage to quit a mediocre job and do what you love. You should be very proud of yourself for it and continue to carry that strength with you as you move onto better things.

    I can't wait to read more of your story, and I'm so incredibly excited that we get to share in this together! LOVE!

  • Juliana Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 7:57 am

    Thanks Hannah! You can find the music stuff at http://www.julianafinch.com. :)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 7:58 am

    Thank you Lindsey! The time has really flown by and I can't believe it's NOW. Working my last few days as we speak is so crazy, but also really, really exciting.

  • Juliana Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 7:58 am

    He's really amazing, the whole company is… that's part of why it was so hard to decide to go! Thanks for the luck. :)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 7:59 am

    Hi Carly!
    It's a tough spot to be in…and I always get that "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" song stuck in my head. I hope you come to the right choice for you — and hey, if not, you can always choose something else later.

  • Juliana Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Thanks Doniree! I'm happy to be following some great acts. :)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Thank you Kate!! We're gonna have a great time.

  • Megan Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 8:15 am

    I love that you're doing this for yourself! I also love that you live north of Atlanta. (I live about an hour north of Chattanooga, TN, which isn't too many hours from Atlanta.)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Vanessa – you're exactly right — the job that's supposed to be paying for the "art habit" ends up sapping all your energy! Some people can do it, and I doubly admire them, but I am just not someone who can… at least I tried the whole "stability" thing first! ;)
    I hope your photography ends up being really fulfilling (and hopefully monetarily, too!)

  • alisueonthemove Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 9:43 am

    Thank you so much for this post, it was exactly want I needed to hear. I love my career and have a huge passion for it, but over the past year the place I work at isn't what it use to be and I am not happy anymore. I have too many hats in the ring and they want me to say how high when they say jump. My team and I do an amazing job, and when everyone else starts to over crowd us so we can't be heard everything goes down hill.

    You are also very lucky that you have someone supporting you, mine doesn't. He says that I can leave but I have to get a job that is a step up from what I am doing now. No matter how many times I tell him I want to go back to school and still work but at an easier job (ie I work 50-70 hrs a week I would just like 40 for a while) so I can come back into the major work force still doing my passion just in a different way. Thank you again for this, I have the dream of them yelling at me too. Mine has a very good chance of coming true though because it has happened before, people leave to go to a 100% completely different job that you can't do within our company getting chewed out by the G.M. right before they leave. If that happens to me, I will 100% cry I know it. Sorry it's so long thank you again for making my month.

  • Rhett Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 9:53 am

    First off, I'm really, really glad to know you're doing something to pursue your dreams. Second, I know that feeling of walking in and saying "I quit." I went through that when I quit a job to go to grad school. I was quite terrified of the response I'd get, but I'm still in touch with my supervisor from that job.

    On a bigger note, though, the past couple of years for me have been an interesting self-discovery in the reverse direction. I'm sitting here drinking my coffee and writing this and thinking about…going back into the lab. I've spent years playing music as a hobby and kicking myself for not recording an album or making more out of my music. We have a story about leaving your job to follow your heart. And I'm sure that's true for a lot of people. It just turns out that, for me, it's quite the opposite. I love making new gizmos. In fact, they're going to be doing a big press event for my latest project this week, which will be the most attention anyone's ever paid to my work.

    And I still love doing art and music on the side. Last weekend, I blew glass, recited poetry, and played my flute, and now I'm all refreshed to go hit the ol' silicon mill again.

  • Juliana Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 10:33 am

    I think as long as you are pursuing a passion, you're on a great track, "job" or "no job"! If you're happy doing it that's awesome… also some people are great at balancing careers & creative hobbies and the two are not necessarily the same thing, and that's totally valid.
    I think following your heart can absolutely lead you TO a job instead of away from one! :)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 10:34 am

    I love Tennessee! I'll be spending more time there this year, hopefully… and I play in Chattanooga at least once a year, as well. Maybe I'll see you up there!

  • Lisa Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Good on you Honey Cat.

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    Ali- When I left my sales job for my trip around the world, the G.M. (do you work in hospitality by any chance?!) yelled at me for an hour (not kidding) about how I was personally disappointing him and letting the team down….. Who was I to leave when they'd given me such opportunity? And all of this came from a man I respected.

    I bawled my eyes out in front of everyone and had to leave work early! But you know what? 1.5 years later, I was giving a talk about Joy to 200 women at that very same hotel…. Karma!!

    Stick to your guns. Be smart about it, but follow your heart.

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    I'm with Juliana… Following your heart & passion & excitement can lead you anywhere! Renaissance for sure….

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    It's such a biggie!! But exciting, none-the-less… XO

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    We are SOOOO in this together.

  • stephanerd Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    I love your boss's reaction. Now *that's* the sign of a good boss: one who's eager to see his employees learn, grow, and succeed.

    I wish you lots of luck now that you've jumped ship! I know how it is when a source of safety and stability only ends up holding you back. Kudos to you for realizing you'd outgrown it, and were ready to move forward.

  • alisueonthemove Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    Molly,

    Thank you so much!! Yes, I work in the hospitality world which I love the ever changing days always having to rethink all your work year after year. That is AMAZING that you got to go back and give a talk, I 100% believe in Karma. Thank you for your story, it makes me feel some much better inside.

  • alisueonthemove Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    Thank you!

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 9:50 pm

    This is what makes you so incredible, Juliana. You're full of this fire and passion and free-spirit that when you felt tied down, you inwardly rebelled. Your body flipped you off and tipped the scales in favour of you pursuing what you were meant for. It's time to shine, sugar.

  • Juliana Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:36 am

    Molly, that is a kickass story. :)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 5:38 am

    I have a big ole crush on this comment. Xoxo thanks!!!

  • Juliana Says:
    February 8th, 2011 at 11:32 am

    Thanks so much! It's hard to walk away (from the people here, especially) but I know it is the right thing for me right now.

  • Natalie Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 5:36 am

    I can't wait to hear more about your music and your tour! It takes a lot of bravery to walk away from a 9-5 and steady cash, you are a great example to follow your dreams and I acne wait to hear more! :-)

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    Yay, I wanted to jump up and down and cheer about this. Good luck!

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