Why I’m Completely Unemployable

posted 22nd February 2011    Written by: Amanda    CATEGORY: All Posts, Amanda, Creativity, Family, Job/Career/Work, Season 4

Following my final bout of having a Big Girl Job in 2008, I determined that I am, in fact, unemployable. It’s not to say that I don’t possess the necessary skill-set to be a perfectly useful worker robot. What I am saying, in fact, is that even though I’m a perfectly useful worker robot, I’m also a miserable one.

If you put me in an office that I cannot leave, I will hate the job and watch the clock. And, more often than not, will find ways to get my work done as quickly as possible so that I can peruse the internet instead of doing anything further productive.

If you create expectations that I have to be at a desk at a certain time until a certain time, in spite of my productivity, I will quietly resent the job and — to a lesser extent — you (the only exception being my stint in career counselling).

Just because you live entirely in meatspace, doesn’t mean that I do. Just because you live entirely in cyberspace, doesn’t mean that I do. Give me balance. Give me serenity. Do not confine me.

And so, sadly, even though at twenty-four I have quite an impressive resume, I am entirely unemployable.

Marching to the beat of my own… madness?

My great-grandfather owned his own mechanic shop and raised countless foster children alongside his biological ones. My grandfather ran a successful wholesale business for the better part of forty years (probably more). My father currently runs a technology consulting business where he specializes in small-business networking solutions.

Entrepreneurship runs thick in my veins.

But these men struggled with their entrepreneurial pursuits, driven by a palatable need for success and financial solvency. Each of them needed to provide for their growing families. Each of them worked long, hard hours in order to find that success. For my grandfathers, it came at a cost: their health and, in the case of my grandfather, healthy relationships with family.

For my father, he couldn’t put a price on the happiness of his family. He didn’t want to go down the road his father did, where money became the only important factor of becoming an entrepreneur. So when we struggled and marched forward anyway, we did it because we believed in him. When times were tight and we were broke, we shrugged it off.

It was only money.

It wasn’t love. Or health. Or happiness, for that matter.

When my job and I split in 2008, I didn’t have those dreams for myself. I wanted something stable, secure, and with a regular paycheque. I wanted to be able to afford to go on vacations with my family. I wanted to go shopping when I wanted to. I wanted to live a relatively care-free existence of financial solvency right out of the gate.

But it didn’t happen.

Obviously.

I found myself in flux, where I had the ability — and the discipline — to make my own rules and march to the beat of the Entrepreneurial Drum. The only variable, of course, was determining if I had the lady balls to make it work. Did I have the confidence to run my own show? Or was I going to let fear rule me as I had let it rule so many other decisions in my life?

Screw it. I’m doing it my way.

I half-expected my parents to choke at my decision of starting up my own business. They half did. Mostly, they saw it coming. They’re intuitive like that.

There was a pattern of behaviour in each of my jobs, throughout the time that I was traditionally employed.

Get hired, enjoy getting to know co-workers, settle in, fall into a deep lull of unappreciated output (because, quite honestly, that is the life of a code monkey), become depressed, struggle until I finally find something new, rinse and repeat.

It was exhausting.

It was also completely pointless, as I’m about as unemployable as they get.

Not many people strive to achieve unemployability. The exit strategy of heading back into the 9-5 grind is tantalizing and safe. I know that no matter what happens in the next five months, there is no going back to safe and warm and meek.

There is only forward.

I only hope that my son (did I mention that we’re having a boy?) will share my fire and shake off the confines of traditional employment as early as possible. Might spare him the heartache. And the backache. Oy.

Image by Evil Erin.

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Comments (29)

29 Responses to “Why I’m Completely Unemployable”

  • Big L Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Holy shit! It's official! We're the same person! :) But seriously, I am totally unemployable too….despite having mad skills that would trick others into thinking they want to hire me.

    Your list of unemployable qualities? Yeah, ditto to all of them. Going back to working for someone else does not feel like a safe exit strategy, it feels like torture. Fingers crossed neither of us ever go there.

    Three cheers to being self employed fo-evah! Hip hip horray!!

  • Elyse Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 10:02 am

    I. Love. This. Post.
    "Finally, I need to know that my exit strategy is “burn this muthafucka to the ground and start something else”. If all else fails, the phoenix will rise again. And so will I." <— New mantra. Thank you for being honest and awesome. I'm pressing forward inside of my QLC and this was a breath of fresh air

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 10:03 am

    You said it, sugar! And here's to neva neva going back to the grind!

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Oh hooray! I'm glad that my entrepreneurial madness has proved useful! And lady, you can DO THIS.

  • Gabriel Novo Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 10:23 am

    The whole safety net mentality with salaried jobs has been destroyed these past couple of years. I’ve known people who were top notch at what they did, truly talented rising stars, and even their heads rolled when the bean counters decided to cut costs. There are no “I’ll do this for 40 years and retire” jobs anymore. They’ve been outsourced or streamlined or done away with completely.

    Being an Entrepreneur isn’t the scary leap of faith it used to be. In many respects it is often the only sane path you can take. I completely support you with this new direction (which you know is true cuz I’m a client) and believe it will bring a balance to your life you cannot find anywhere else.

  • NicoleinDenver Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 11:24 am

    I completely understand where you're coming from and went through much of the same thing many times over. I left my last "real" job almost a year ago, and have since realized that an office is decidedly not where I belong!

    Even the jobs I've had for great companies with great co-workers where I totally believed in what we were doing were hard for me. So much of it was just the showing up and sitting in an office all day long that made it unendurable for me.

    Good luck with your ventures. May we both find paths of stability, viability, and success!

  • Heather Rae Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    I can totally relate to this! Especially the cycle of getting hired, getting to know co-workers, getting bored and moving on. As I have learned this about myself, I have realized that the work that I do needs to allow for a lot of autonomy. I need to be able to control at least 80% of my work day in order to be happy at a workplace. And, slowly, I'm finding that balance. Great post!

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Balance is EXACTLY what I'm writing about for a future Stratejoy post. It's a really tough thing to tame.

    Also, autonomy ftw!

  • deebuzzing Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    WHOA WHOA WHOA! A BOY!???! Awesome!

    And P.S. – I can't imagine a description of professional pursuit that I could relate to more. I'll be bookmarking this for future days of confusion, thank you very much.

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    I am so on board for the unemployable train. I never ever want someone else to dictate my work day. Been there, done that, went completely insane on the way.

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    That was so my favorite line as well! And because we are self-employed- we can totally swear on the intrawebs. RIght, Amanda?!

  • Sara Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    I'm totally unemployable. I always have been. The only time I worked at a job longer than a year is when I bitched and manipulated my way through everything. Which is terribly embarrassing, but true. Yesterday I was making a job/business-plan related list, and I (for the first time ever) included "I am NEVER working in retail again. EVER." I've said it in my head before, but never something so concrete as writing it down. Total synchronicity! Hooray!

  • Elyse Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Sometimes there are just specific words that can't express a situation any other way. Like when you stub your toe in the dark. Or you need to burn your business to the ground. :-)

  • Star* Says:
    February 22nd, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    Amen!
    That's all I really need to say!
    I'm out of the corporate life in just a few days… Done!

    Now, it's JOY-time!

    Life will no longer be, Rush projects that stain my brain… For a manager who will sit on it for 2 weeks, WHY? And surely… No more, thumb twittling in cubicle-land, only to punch hours , when all work is completed. Stupid thing is… Save the company $, leave 15 minutes early, and get written up. What?! Seriously? Blah! What a waste of my happiness & life.

    From my last day at corporate, to the following day, my HAPPINESS level will SKY ROCKET! Bam!
    Freedom time to be me… Talk to me if you need any amazing photos?

    Smiles! Hugs! May you all dance to the beat of your own drum! Thanks Amanda!

  • Juliana Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 5:29 am

    You and I, girl, cut from the same "You're-Not-The-Boss-of-Me" cloth!
    I didn't realize it until a few months ago, when I turned to Greg and said, "You know what? I have a real problem with authority most of the time…" and he was like, "Duh." ;)

  • Juliana Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 5:31 am

    Yeah, congrats on the boy, by the way!! We're going to be a happy group of crazy Stratejoy Aunties. ;)

  • mininggarnet Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 6:04 am

    I love this post! I am going to be the odd ball here though and say that you did NOT describe me here. Whatsoever. I actually like a routine and going to an office with meetings and co-workers (well, most of them, most days anyway…) so long as I feel VALUED and respected. I think that's why I admire the shit outta people like you- those who can be their own boss and create their own little empires. I could NEVER do that, I thrive too much on a routine I'm not sure I'd be at all good at structuring myself. And so when I read/see kick ass women like you, it makes me feel blessed to see the wide variety of strong, powerful women and it inspires me to get own little creative juices flowing. Gotta love our differences : )

    And YAY for having a boy! Two of my best friends are soon to be mommies and they're having boys too! Congratulations xo

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Mwahaha! Forever on the internet is Amanda's rendition of the f-bomb… many times over.

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 10:45 am

    INORITE?! It's a boy! Also, he's a ninja. More on that later.

    PS. I'm so glad that my entrepreneurial madness is useful! <3

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 10:45 am

    Hell yes, lady. Shine on.

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 10:46 am

    For the love of cupcakes… working in retail was some of the worst experiences of my life. Food services was kinder and that was freaking McD's when I was a teenager. But retail? Baaaaaaaad juju.

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 10:46 am

    omg! Way to get the hell out of corporate! It ain't worth the headache, that's for sho. Proud of you! <3

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 10:48 am

    I love that you just put yourself out there and said, "Y'know what, Amanda? I'm different. But we're all awesome." That's the best part of writing here. I get to see different opinions and have people open my eyes to different perspectives. I adore your honesty. And hell, I would've stayed a programmer/code monkey if I'd felt valued/respected.

    Sadly, the life of a code monkey is a lonesome one with very little respect. Churn out code, don't ask questions, and STFU. It was sad-face-making.

    So you keep on keepin' on, lady. Thank you for bringing another perspective to the table!

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 10:50 am

    It's hilarious! I didn't realize that I was adverse to authority until I became an adult. As a teen, I was all like, "No problem, guys. I got this." I just… worked my ass off. I think university burned me out and I became a bitter old lady by 20. Haha.

  • amandafarough Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Dude. DUDE. We're in the midst of kick-ass paradigm shift that we didn't even realize was happening. Also, thanks for putting your two cents out there. <3

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    Just have to ditto you two- I absolutely love that we can discuss differences in a positive space/way! That we can support differences, instead of feeling the need to prove "our way" is right. That we can be curious and inspired, instead of catty and jealous.

    Thanks for bringing it to the table MiningGarnet. A variety of strong, powerful women? I adore you ALL.

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Star*!! You're done? Outta there? I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU SUGAR!

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    Powerful to say it outload, eh? LOVE IT. Hooray for you Sara!

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    A baby boy ninja? Now I'm even more excited!! XO

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