5 Reasons Why the Quarterlife Crisis is Good for You

posted 28th March 2011    Written by: Molly Mahar    CATEGORY: Life Lesson, Molly, Quarterlife Crisis

Having a Quarterlife Crisis is not normally seen as a positive event. I get that. I mean, the word “crisis” is present…   And most of us don’t associate anything great coming from a quarterlife “crisis” or midlife “crisis” or identity “crisis” or even a wardrobe “crisis” for that matter!

But there is a golden lining to this Quarterlife Crisis.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how my life has changed in the last four years and how it wouldn’t have been possible without hitting my personal rock bottom first.  I’ve also gotten a rash of emails and phone calls from old clients who’ve experienced so much positive change in their lives since facing their QLC (or midlife or new mama or I’ve-been-fired crisis) head on.

It’s cemented.  These times of transition and seeking and pain can be good for us.

5 Reasons Why the Quarterlife Crisis is Good for You

1. It forces to you re-evaluate your priorities. When your life turns upside down, you have no choice but to really examine:  What do I care about?  What’s not working in my life?  What does seem to be working?  And the biggie:  If “this” isn’t working for me, what might instead?

So many times we’re acting on the expectations of someone else (society, our parents, that influential first husband) simply because we don’t know any differently. We though doing things correctly was our ticket to happiness.  Do well in school, get a great job, snag that promotion, find an amazing partner, check, check, check.

No one ever taught us how to define our own personal values or the importance of happiness as the fuel to success. By sloshing around in the pit of a crisis, we have no choice.  Picking ourselves up and moving forward forces us to re-examine priorities on our own terms.

2. It opens you up to new possibilities, crazy as they may seem. When your first (second, third) version of your life doesn’t make your heart sing, you eventually come to the conclusion that your path may require something else from you. 

Something wild.  Something new.  Something different.

Your new possibility is probably something you had never even imagined back in university.  Or perhaps you dreamed about it, but dismissed it as crazy.  Entrepreneur?  Gluten-free Baker?  Stay at home Mama? Movement therapist?  Writer?  World Traveler?  Pshaw.

But when the only world you know comes crashing down around your ears in a over-committed, over-alcholed, over-making-every-one-else-happy pile–you are forced to consider those “crazy” options.  Consider them and try them on for size and find the most amazing you version of you.

3. Sometimes hitting bottom is the only way to rise to the top in a meaningful way. I always think of this quote from Po Bronson when I’m looking back, fondly, on my own Quarterlife Crisis: “Failure’s hard, but success is far more dangerous. If you’re successful at the wrong thing, the mix of praise and money and opportunity can lock you in forever.”

What if I hadn’t hit bottom?  Would I be still be a sales manager in my black suit and heels and fake mask? Would I be happy?  Would my life have the meaning and richness it does now?

I think not.  I thank my QLC for showing me the fissures in my own life, for giving me the chance to rediscover myself in such a juicy, fulfilling way.

 4. It allows you to declare a personal emergency. Emergencies require immediate attention, right?  A Quarterlife Crisis requires attention too.  It requires support from people who’ve been there or are in the midst with you.  It requires you to put your “life plan” on hold, so you craft the authentic version.

Giving your apathy and confusion a name allows you to become the boss of it, instead of letting it sneak into every corner of your life and paralyze you with it’s wily doubts.  It allows you to declare battle, to approach it with the strength of an Amazon warrior.

You are suddenly on a quest to save your own life.  And that’s a pretty special experience.

5. Your compassion expands exponentially. Suddenly, you (the girl who always had her shit together) is experiencing not knowing what to do next.  Not knowing what to do right now.  Not knowing how you got to this point in the first place.

Your compassion for the world, for those who are struggling in any capacity, expands because you suddenly know what it’s feels like to lose control over your life.

Obviously, a Quarterlife Crisis is by no means a devastating natural disaster, revolt, or life threatening illness. But in experiencing your own personal upheaval, you develop the capacity to hold space in your heart for others who are hurting.  Hold space and then take action to help.

After all, practice makes perfect…

Conclusion

Even if you’re right in the middle of the QLC, can you see how you’re growing?  How it’s changing you?  The (ahem, ahem) advantages of having to rethink everything?

I’d love to hear your story or your additions to this list in the comments below.  What else have your learned from this crazy adventure, dear one?

amazing artwork via allisonstrine, it says “she lights up her own damn life”

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Comments (11)

11 Responses to “5 Reasons Why the Quarterlife Crisis is Good for You”

  • Renee Says:
    March 28th, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Without my QLC, I probably would be making four or five times what I make right now. But I would have been forty or fifty times unhappier than I am right now. I say that's a fair trade off. No, not just fair– a NECESSARY trade off.

  • EllieDi Says:
    March 28th, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    I'm really just beginning mine, if I'm honest with myself – but I never thought I'd have one. I've been pretty chill my whole life when it comes to questions like "Where am I going?" and "What am I doing with my life?". Until now. These last few weeks have hit me like a semi carrying a load of bricks. LOTS to think about and give me turmoil. I'll have to contemplate a bit more.

  • Lindsey Says:
    March 28th, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    My QLC forced me to look at my life in a totally new way. I focus on living with eyes of gratitude & moving with purpose through my life. I allow time for self-discovery, and also to give myself a break and live in the moment… And when I spiral down into my dark place, I have a reference point in my goals, that helps bring things into perspective. I didn't have that before I took time to figure out what my goals were. Thank you, QLC :)

  • Leia Ferrari Says:
    March 29th, 2011 at 10:48 am

    I'm just getting into my QLC and have been feeling so lucky to have found Stratejoy. This post just confirms my luck – these words were exactly what I needed to hear today. I try to remind myself of the lessons I've been learning in the last few months (my crisis hit in late January) but hearing them from someone who is on the other, happier side of hers gives me a lot of hope. Thanks!

  • essieteric Says:
    March 30th, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    I had my initial QLC when I finished my education degree with the anxiety of knowing that I could never be a teacher. I went on to my dream – a postgrad in writing, editing, and publishing. I wanted to be a writer. I felt it when I was 8 years old, and I had reconnected! How wonderful! :)

    While I may not be using it to its full potential, it has been a foundation for a world where I want to be – research administration. People bawk at it, say that I could do so much more. Maybe I could. Maybe I am still in the QLC.

    Truthfully? I think I am still in the midst of the cobwebs that hinder my personal identity. But I can see the girl that I was, and the wonderful lady that I am now. I can see the girl who struggled with her social, sexual, and professional identity, and how some of that has been resolved. But I can acknowledge that there is so, SO, far to go to the loving acceptance that I know I need.

    My creative writing lecturer said that any good narrative has character, conflict, and context. Yes, I may still need the context of where I am going, but not as much as I need to know the character who is taking the journey.

    Who am I? :)

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    April 3rd, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    Yes. Necessary trade off, but hopefully only for now… What I can't wait for you to say is that you're 50 times happier and 5 times richer… And that will happen Professor Powers! I so believe it.

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    April 3rd, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Awh Ellie- They're the worst when you think you've avoided them! (Ask this season's Katherine…) So sorry to hear that these last few weeks have been extra hard. I know, though, that you're processing a lot of that turmoil. Know that we are ALL behind you. Got your back, darling. XO

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    April 3rd, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    And thank you, L. It's so nice to see you back online! (Though I'm not sure you'd say the same…) Will you catch me up on your life sometime soon? Miss you girl!

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    April 3rd, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    You are SOO welcome Leia. I'm glad you found us too. It definitely helps to know you're not alone and that hundreds of other awesome women are/have felt the same way. We are in it together, sugar!

  • Molly_Hoyne_Mahar Says:
    April 3rd, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Oh, that's a juicy question isn't it…. Who ARE you? And how can you practice more of that loving acceptance that you need? But I love that you can look back at your journey, and realize how far you have already come and how some of your own choices felt right. Felt like YOU.

    More of those, Ms. Essieteric. More of those!

  • essieteric Says:
    April 3rd, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    I can't wait to have more of them. I am so eager to finally have a good answer to that question – I hope that I get there one day. :)

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