Haters Gonna Hate, Lovers Gonna Love

posted 10th March 2011    Written by: Bri    CATEGORY: Bri, Life Lesson, Love/Relationships

I believe that people who have really loved anybody will fall in love over and over again.  They’re the people who can have their hearts broken and find that though anything, their hearts are resilient.   It seems that, lately, heartbreak has been going around the internet.

Beautiful, vivacious, passionate women have been finding themselves let down and devastated.  This weekend, one of my heartbroken friends wrote that her heart “couldn’t take anymore rejection”.  I say it can.  It can and it will.  She’s a lover, I have no doubt she’ll love again; none.   I believe in love.

I am a person who is prone to falling in love and when I fall it is generally hard and fast.  Chalk it up to my highly trained intuition, but I meet people and know I want them around forever.  My best friend and I have been best friends LITERALLY since the first day of seventh grade.  One day; done.

I have never been good at walls and barriers, once you’re in you’re in; I am an all in kind of a girl.  I am sure sometimes this propensity to trust and love has bitten me in the butt, but I know no other way to do it.

It’s not that shocking that I have fallen in love with Mr. A as quickly as I have.

It should also not a surprise that there are some people who have raised their eyebrows at how quickly I’ve jumped in.

I get it.  If the roles were reversed, I would be weary too.  I would caution them to go slowly…. I get it.

But I have to trust myself.  I can’t let someone else’s fear scare me into not trusting my heart on this one.

The honest truth  is that there is something different here with Mr. A.  Sure, there is a chance it could end poorly in a few months, and the haters can practice their “I told you so’s” for that moment.

But what if they’re wrong?

What if I really have met the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with? This person who makes me feel instantly at ease, immeasurably cherished, and breathtakingly beautiful.   What if he is the man I am gong to marry?  I am going to go out on a limb and say that I believe that more than I believe this is going to end badly.  For the time being I think I will be enjoying my time on the “this is it” side of the fence practicing my own “I told you so” song.  I told you so, I told you so, I told you so. It will feel good to say someday.

“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”  Erica Jong

[photo credit: weheartit]

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Comments (31)

31 Responses to “Haters Gonna Hate, Lovers Gonna Love”

  • Nicole @MTDLBlog Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:12 am

    What a fabulous post! I love your perspective on life and I say go with what feels right.

  • Big L Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:17 am

    Reading this made my heart happy, thank you :)

    As a person who doesn't love and fully let in as easily as you, I really, really admire that you have the balls to stand up for that point of view. I love that you're falling hard and fast and making no apologies for it. Because really, when is NOT choosing love ever a good idea? It may be a scary, risky, vulnerable, honest, naked thing to do, but choosing love just can't be wrong. It just can't.

    xxoo

  • Berrak - DC Princess Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:26 am

    When I first met Andrew, we fell in love: hard & fast. I'm like you, and everyone around me was weary. My roommates were mostly against it and their reaction felt toxic.

    When he & I decided to move in together, a couple of my friends told me that my life choices made them 'angry'. I couldn't understand that. Believing in love & taking a chance makes you angry? Where's the love in YOUR heart?

    Today? Andrew & I are happily engaged, even though we drive each other batshit crazy.

    Because we took a chance on love. I've had my heart broken too. Shattered. Absolutely DEMOLISHED.

    But love always deserves a chance.

    Beautiful post.

  • LisaJennea Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:44 am

    I needed to hear this. After a lengthy relationship that should have ended way sooner than it did, I am afraid to love, and in fact think sometimes I'm incapable. I need to take risks in order for love to happen. It just sucks how scary it is!

  • gracekboyle Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:47 am

    There just isn't a rulebook. And we also know, how rarely someone so important and monumental comes into our lives (whatever ROLE that might be). There also isn't a timeline.

    Some people move in, in under a year. Some wait a few years. There isn't anything wrong with that. Same goes for love. My current boyfriend I knew there was love within two months. We both said it and were unabashed. You just do what is true and right for you. I'm sick of that judgment :) So you go girl xo

  • Sonia Ryan Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Bri,

    This post resonates with me so well. We are a lot more resilient than we realize. Love is a blessing. I say, embrace it — be bold, be daring and be the beautiful person you are. You've inspired me with this post. You're wondrous. Bisous.

    Sons

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Thank you!! It DOES feel right. Easy and right. I think NOT doing what I am doing would feel weird.

  • Leah Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 9:58 am

    Oh, I feel you. My husband and I literally lost friends because of how quickly we got engaged (8-ish weeks from date one). We fell hard and fast and guess what? Seven year of being together and six years of marriage later and we're still flying high. I mean, you've seen us together – we're the best! ;-)

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Yes yes yes. I mean, there are definitely MOMENTS when the vulnerability and riskiness scare me, but then I hug him… and it goes away. Crazy. I'm choosing love over fear, for sure, it's the only thing that make sense.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Thank you, and thank you for the Retweet ;-)

    Time-lines are different for everyone. What feels right for me, wont be right for someone else. This was kind of a reminder to myself to not let other people expectations influence what is right for me.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 10:06 am

    I'm so glad you heard this. There's no way to eliminate all the risk associated with falling in love, right? I think the best we can do is to know ourselves and trust ourselves. The right guy makes it really easy too, bonus feature. <3

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 10:12 am

    Leah! Honestly, I have thought about you and Lee EVERY SINGLE time people have raised their eyebrows at Mr. A and me. I absolutely ADORE you two, totally inspiring me to boldness.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 10:13 am

    No YOU'RE wonderous. You're resilient too my love, in case you didn't know. xoxo

  • mininggarnet Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Lady, as a FIRM believer in love and all the power that goes along with it, reading this makes me ECSTATIC.

    PS- my best friend and I met in middle school too : )

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 10:30 am

    YAY! Thank you! I'M ECSTATIC TOO.

  • Stephanie Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 11:28 am

    I love this post too! I also fall hard and fast and absolutely believe in love. I went on a date recently and immediately felt like I'd known him forever. Waiting a day or two for him to contact me feels like an eternity. I get the same speeches from friends that you do – I'm too vulnerable, I fall too easily. I also hear that I should be more mysterious! I don't want to be mysterious! I want to be me! :)

    Thanks for sharing your life and your positive energy with all of us! I wish you all the best.

  • doniree Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 11:29 am

    YES! All of this. I knew immediately Chris was something special, and when you know – you know. I always wondered what people meant by that until I met him :)

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 11:41 am

    Thank you Stephanie! I'm glad you're not listening to the haters either :)

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Yes yes yes. Instant. Done. Game Over.

  • Juliana Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    G. and I knew about two weeks in… but I was just out of a relationship and worried it was a "rebound" (even though it didn't feel like one.) So we waited a bit. Even when we officially got together a couple of months later, most of my friends still thought it was too fast and probably a rebound. It wasn't.

    Here's to love, no matter where it leads.

  • Lindsey Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    I'm also an "all-in" kinda girl and it totally bites me in the butt. A lot. And I worry that there is something wrong with me. This post reminds me that however much drama the L-word can bring… that there is so much goodness possible. Yay for Mr. A!

  • Kelly Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    As a walls and barriers person, who has never truly let someone in, I honestly admire your ability to be so open and go all-in so hard and fast. Choosing love over fear is something we all can learn to do more of. Thanks for the post!

  • Cait Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    Yes, yes, yes! I love this post. I fall in love fast and hard, and have no problem with it. To me it's about being present and not worrying so much about how exactly the future will play out. I'd rather be open and love the person I'm with – even if it ends in heartbreak – than be guarded and not give something a chance.

  • erinmakesitwork Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    I firmly believe that LOVE (reach for the stars, sweep you off your feet LOVE) is always the right choice. Hands down. When I met my wife, I had a lot of explaining to do. I knew from the first night we met that she was someone I wanted/needed in my life. I had casually dated women before but nothing serious, so that was fun to explain to people. Still, I refused to apologize. We moved in together after 5 months. Now, (almost) four years later, we're still as happy as can be. Life isn't perfect, but we get through anything becasue love is the base. Keep loving, Bri. Never ever ever ever lose it.

  • deebuzzing Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    WORD.

  • Katie Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    So many emotions when reading this post and the comments. The romantic side of me loves it and totally wants to believe. But the "negative nelly" side jumps in SO quickly and starts yapping, "yeah, but remember mr. asshole, who was right after what's-his-name who had the emotional maturity of a 4 year old. And he was right after mr. self-centered who freaked the moment you mentioned anything remotely relationship-esque. And then there was…" And on, and on, and on. So I get that you're saying love is worth trying again, and I'm sure I probably will, but I guess I just don't have a lot of faith. I want to have faith, which is why I've been willing to do a lot of self-work lately, but I'm still scared.

    One thing that is interesting for me, though, is that several women in my life have asked me lately what I'm "looking for". And you know what? I can't answer that question. I always hear about the power of putting things out into the Universe but it's almost as if I'm too afraid to dream about what I truly want because then what if it doesn't happen? So, I'm going to go write that list now. Thanks for inspiring me.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 11th, 2011 at 8:08 am

    I am making a mental note to toast to these exact words when I come to Georgia in June.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 11th, 2011 at 8:08 am

    Definitely worth the risk. Keep risking it, eventually it won't bite you in the butt ;)

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 11th, 2011 at 8:09 am

    Thank you Kelly! My grandpa told me once that all things come from one of two places, love or fear. I try to choose love daily. Some days are more successful than others.

  • Bri - Habbala Says:
    March 11th, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Love this story. Thanks for sharing it!! :)

  • Gina Says:
    March 14th, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    I always used to be the one who didn't believe in "falling hard and falling fast." I used to believe that falling in love with someone took TIME, like months and months, even years. Until recently.

    I've met a guy who is unlike any other guy I've dated–in a very good way! He's amazing, almost too good to be true, and I've been finding myself becoming more and more smitten with him every day. It scares me a little bit. I wonder, "Am I falling for him? That can't be. It's too soon."

    I have no idea what my heart is trying to tell me. All I know is that all of these lovey-dovey, schmoopy feelings are very new to me. I also have a feeling that these feelings are going to be changing my perspective on "falling in love" before I know it.

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